The Next Day Thread 10th May

[Pan]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

Starts, I've never seen him as controlling. Others tell me he is. And maybe, now I'm not in such a drunken stupor, perhaps I see it too. He has always loved me because of the fact that I will never let anyone down and I can be trusted implicity. Although he has issues with me talking to people he hates and I must admit with one person, with very good reason. But, she has been a friend for 35 years. I cannot walk away, no matter what.

I just do not understand this new attitude. He knows he can trust me. He knows I would never do anything wrong to us. For goodness sake, when he threw me away and we stayed apart for nine months, I asked him if there was any chance of us getting back together because I'd met someone I felt I could develop a relationship and he told me to move on. I felt I owed that to all concerned before I did move on.

[Pan]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

GRRR. Grand Prix. One bright spark of the day. I wasn't there to hear the continuous RRRRR of seemingly useless entertainment. I know you like it Bets. I just will never understand it. My husband's sport.

[FAB ABS]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

Guitarista;610583 wrote: Hi Abs, and welcome. You will have more fun at parties, or social events sober, to be sure, but how to get there? Do you want to stop, or drink less/moderate?

Hi G
I don't know for sure...can moderation really be done?
I'll say huge moderation...so how do i get there?:thanks:

[startingover]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

Pan -icked;610645 wrote: Starts, I've never seen him as controlling. Others tell me he is. And maybe, now I'm not in such a drunken stupor, perhaps I see it too. He has always loved me because of the fact that I will never let anyone down and I can be trusted implicity. Although he has issues with me talking to people he hates and I must admit with one person, with very good reason. But, she has been a friend for 35 years. I cannot walk away, no matter what.

I just do not understand this new attitude. He knows he can trust me. He knows I would never do anything wrong to us. For goodness sake, when he threw me away and we stayed apart for nine months, I asked him if there was any chance of us getting back together because I'd met someone I felt I could develop a relationship and he told me to move on. I felt I owed that to all concerned before I did move on.

But if he knows all that then why does he treat you so badly?
Plus, what gives him the right to tell you who you shouild and shouldnt have as friends?

[Pan]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

FAB, you will find your way. BUT you must have your headspace right first. Please try 30 or so days at least before you decide you will mod. I know from experience that you need that time AF. Once you stop thinking about actually WANTING a drink, that was the time for me to try. That and other things that happened in my life. It worked, I could mod. But the trouble was, once I had the mod thing going, I thought all would be okay. It wasn't. Just go one day at a time for now AF and then work through it with us here. Hope I have helped a little. Love Pan

[startingover]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

FAB ABS;610652 wrote: Hi G
I don't know for sure...can moderation really be done?
I'll say huge moderation...so how do i get there?:thanks:

Hiya Fab! I think I said hello to you on Fantasy's thread???
Some people can moderate, most cannot. But there is a great thread called the Mod Squad in Monthly Moderation that you might like to check out....

[Pan]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

startingover;610655 wrote: But if he knows all that then why does he treat you so badly?
Plus, what gives him the right to tell you who you shouild and shouldnt have as friends?

Well, that, Starts is the question.

And as far as friends go? We live in a small town (when I'm there), mainly aboriginal and he is a RESPONSIBLE school teacher. He has all sorts of issues. I really don't give a damn. As long as people treat me properly and the ones that have, have been indigenous. I have not made one friend in that town because I am not allowed unless it's okay with him.

[startingover]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

Well there you go then, its HIS problem and not yours.
Stop feeling bad for being you when its not your fault

[Pan]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

I never thought he was treating me badly. Strange you should say that because that was a part of my email to him last night. As in "How dare you treat me so badly?" But he never did until recently. Or maybe I just had that thought because my mind was always so numbed. He has never known me sober until recently.

[Pan]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

Starts, HE is obviously hurting. That makes it my problem too.

[startingover]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

Being sober can bring its own problems.
Relationships change. But this is the REAL thing when we are sober. When we are using, we are so reliant on our other halves, when we clean up we arent. That can cause issues too...

[Pan]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

He is a really kind, good person. Perhaps it's just that we've been going in different directions being apart. That can never be a good thing. And absence does not make the heart grow fonder. It just creates distance.

[startingover]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

Pan -icked;610667 wrote: Starts, HE is obviously hurting. That makes it my problem too.

But then HE needs to get help, not simply turn the tables onto you to make it appear like its your fault...
We all have issues from either our childhoods or relationships that dont work out.
Would he be willing to see a therapist with you?

[startingover]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

Very true Pan.
Also there is physical absence and mental absence...both are very damaging

[Pan]

The Next Day Thread 10th May

Getting together for a total of 4 weeks in 6 months after only 18 months of marriage. Can't see any good in that....