I just wanted to say..

[rejuvenator]

I just wanted to say sorry to all my brothers and sisters. Quietly, I wondered why so many people on here would try and try again at quitting, when it seemed to me that it was really a matter of grabbing the bull by the horns, and choosing to stop. Now, I see the struggle behind the posts. I stopped and thought, "Oh, not too tough. No prob."

Well, how easily do we forget the power of the monster? I am right back where I started, with the fear, insecurity, emotional and physical discomfort. I embraced that power, the strength of being free of it all, only to return to that familiar enslaved place of obliviousness..

I am sorry to you who take each day at a time, who struggles to undo the pattern. As somebody told me recently, even if you want to moderate, the best way to go about it is to quit for awhile. Now, it makes perfect sense to me. How do you moderate when you've habitually drank in excess for so long?

It is clear. While there may be one day where I can have a drink without any odd consequences, that day is not soon. I truly feel that I must avoid this nasty chemical at all costs. Will I be back next month saying the same thing? Grr.

[hart]

I just wanted to say..

(((Rejuvenator)))

I hear you hon. I too cannot moderate and I haven't even tried to go AF for a while. I think I'm nearing the point now. If at first we don't suceed...... :l

[startingover]

I just wanted to say..

Rejy, its good to see you back because that shows you are still in the game.
Give it another go and see it through different eyes. You have learned something valuable now.
So now is the time to put that knowledge to good use.

[rubywillow]

I just wanted to say..

You both have said a big thing. People should come here realizing they must be able to STOP drinking, before they can mod. It only works that way, at least for me. Then, many of us find after a while AF, we'd rather not bother with it at all. The size of a problem depends on how close you are standing to it. If you're looking at the rest of your life, its unfathomable, maybe impossible. So its 1 hour, 1 day, 1 week, as we go into battle. And arm yourself before you go into that battle. That's what this place is for.
Rubes

[Lavande]

I just wanted to say..

Rejuvenator,

Apologies not necessary. I think that's why we are all here.
I am AF just about 7 weeks and I have prett much decided that I will not be able to moderate either. I think it's just easier to give it up completely rather than risk putting myself back at square 1.

Hang in there, stay close

[rubywillow]

I just wanted to say..

GREAT JOB, LAVANDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:grouptrophy:

[wantingmore]

I just wanted to say..

Good for you. Hooray!!!!

Sorry to but in, but how do I start a thread? I cant seem to figure it out.

[rubywillow]

I just wanted to say..

Wanting, go up to General Discussion, and click. You'll see a New Thread button on your left. Click there, and have at it!

[DeeBee]

I just wanted to say..

Well done Lavande!!

Rejuvenator, you CAN do it. Have a look at what tools you have available, and use them all to regain your AF-ness.

Sending you strength on your journey.

[Popeye]

I just wanted to say..

We've all been there rejuvenator. I know I have.
It's a devious bugger and will use many tricks to work itself back into our affections.
But you have worked that out already so you know what to do next time he comes a-knockin'.
You will succeed.
Lavande....Fantastic!!!

[Beaches]

I just wanted to say..

Rejuvenator you can do this and with your past AF days you know how too, you just need to believe in yourself that it is possible. Best of luck to you.

[greeneyes]

I just wanted to say..

rejuv... hey, it's a lesson learned and ready to be put to use! I once tried to mod after a couple weeks. While I think about it- having a normal drink, I have this feeling deep down inside that says no. It's that feeling the when I ignore it, I kick myself in the arse later. The one the beast competes with.

[hiddengoal]

I just wanted to say..

Gotta jump in here because the struggle of AF/MOD is familiar to us all. We all hope we can drink nomally some day. Some will find a way to that, others will not. The last time I went AF I struggled everyday in my mind about 'what to do'. Do I just decide to stop or mod?, Can I eventually MOD? How? Set up drinking rules? Only the weekend?, only with others? And on and on the mind goes...

This time I am seeing it a little differently and am not saying 'its solved'. Because I have owned the fact that I have been hiding in the wine bottle, I am discovering why and what's really there. Its hard. I am doing counseling, crying, and journaling. I trying to figure out what I am feeling that I would usually just avoid and go have a glass, or bottle, of wine. Usually, its stuff that hurts. I mean, you don't avoid 'happy', do you?

I am keenly aware that the way I was using alcohol was the problem. I was using it...to avoid feelings, to manage my feelings, basically, to self-medicate. Now, that I am not doing that, I am mostly trying to figure out what the feelings are, feel them, identify them, and then deal.

This AF stint I said 'just do 30 days, don't think about after that'. Well, tomorrow will be 30, so now I am thinking about it. I am going another 30. I have to, as I am not done yet, may never be, but I am discovering so much. I also know that I will not have a glass of wine until the day I am not using it. It would have to be that I have come to a place where it is a 'take it or leave it' situation. Perhaps, it would be just an enjoyment of a fine glass of wine with a meal with friends. I don't remember when I last had a glass in that fashion, it was always more than that, more needy...I had to have it.

When, and IF, I get to that place of not needing wine to manage my feelings, I may consider mods, but for now, I will continue the freedom and clarity of being AF everyday. I prefer it.

[Popeye]

I just wanted to say..

Great post hiddengoal.

[swans]

I just wanted to say..

Thanks hiddengoal, very insightful and inspiring post, sounds like you are really working through the hidden subconscious mind.

Lavande, amazing job!!!!!