Spiralling out of control later in life

[kwick]

I was just wondering if anyone became an alcoholic later in life. I'm 48 and started drinking at home alone around age 40 which I never did before. In fact, I never even had alcohol in the house. I always had anxiety issues and was prescribed many meds over the years including benzodiazapenes. From 40 to 44 I started mixing benzos with alcohol in increasing amounts and decided that I had to get rid of one evil, the benzos, but the drinking continued. My sister also had a similiar situation later in life but she was able to quit drinking and has been sober for four years. I just can't believe what happened to me, I was somewhat normal if you don't count the anxiety issues and now I'm a drunk. I'm getting married in a couple months and know that I have to deal with this issue now. My fiances daughter will be moving in with us too. My life is focused around wine and lots of it. My reward for exercising is drinking....how sad. I ordered the book and will give the program a try but I've just been so curious if others started drinking later in life and why that happens. Is it a chemical imbalance of sorts - like not enough dopamine or some other brain chemical gone haywire?

[ronnie]

Spiralling out of control later in life

Hi Kwick and welcome, I cant answer your question im afraid apart from I starting drinking alone at the age of 39 - 40yrs but drinking does run in my family, but I think the problem with me was that I had just moved countries and I was very lonely, I am now 41 yrs and I am now 9 Days A/F and I am feeling great about myself, and its all down to the support that I get from the people on this site, they are all fantastic and are alway there for me. Stick with this site and keep reading and posting and most of all keep busy, we are here for you.
Love ronnie xx

[Lavande]

Spiralling out of control later in life

Welcome kwick,

You are not alone in this & you have found a good place! Lots of support & comfort to be found here.
My drinking career began in earnest at age 45. I sunk into a pretty deep depression after being handed a huge disappointment by my husband. I had already been dealing with a lot of anxiety at the time and was just pushed over the edge. Regardless, I allowed this mess to go on for 10 years before I knew I had to put a stop to it.

The good news is that I am now 8 weeks AF and you can do it too!
A good solid plan is essential. Read the MWO book first, very helpful. I knew, in my case, that getting my anxiety/depression under control had to be my first step. Rx meds never helped much so I dumped them and went herbal with great results

Keep reading & researching here, read the MWO book, make a good plan and commit yourself. You will be so happy, I promise. Feel free to PM me anytime if I can be of any help

All the best to you,
Lavande

[Boss.man]

Spiralling out of control later in life

Kwik I'm the same age as you, 48. I've always had a few drinks in the evening, mostly to relax before bed. About three years ago I think my body changed and I can't recover nearly as fast now. With post-drink depression in my morning waking hours I realized I had to change my habit and I started going AF last August. I think the change is mostly just aging. The bounce back recovery from chemicals used to metabolize alcohol have failed to bounce as I age. Now, for every hour drinking, I'll pay with 3-4 hours of low mood, depression, and lack of sleep. It's not even close whether I'd prefer that to not drinking at all.

It's been a long haul to link together AF days, but suddenly this spring I find it's pretty easy.

Work on the anxiety directly by reading books about how to reduce it. I have a new counselor for that also. I also work on my sleep, since I don't sleep well. Exercise helped me a lot. I'm still finding new ways to "not drink" and needs to change my habits. But lately I don't have cravings at all, and am really enjoying the feeling of control and stability in my mornings and through the day. I hope you get the info you need to get on track.

[Pan]

Spiralling out of control later in life

Hi kwick and welcome. I have had experience with benzos and I agree, they are hard to kick. Harder, I believe than wine. It sounds like anxiety started this downward spiral. I also suffer from anxiety and use wine to relieve it. It's really not the fix. It just seems like it at the time, because magically, your anxiety disappears for a while. Saying that, I recently turned to wine for anxiety after being AF for 80 days and loving being sober. I didn't even want a drink. It was a silly thing to do and only increased my anxiety in the end.

I do think that it doesn't matter when we start drinking to excess in our lives. If the imbalance is there, it will only surface when we do abuse alcohol. You have abused it a lot less time than myself. I wish I could answer your question about the imbalance or lack of dopamine. There are a lot of very differing opinions on the subject. Do you think you could speak to your doctor about it?

There are a variety of meds to help kick the addiction, but really, it comes down to willpower. Hard, but true.

Now, you are getting married and your step daughter will be moving in. You need to stop now. This is too important to muck up. My husband nearly left me because of my drinking. He had given me so many chances, but he just couldn't cope anymore. Luckily he gave me my last chance and I ran with it and got sober. Not to say I stayed that way, because when anxiety attacks me that's when I FEEL I need to turn. To wine - my best friend - NOT! My husband is my best friend, which he has proved by sticking with me.

You are entering a wonderful new phase in your life. Concentrate on that and BELIEVE that your new-to-be husband/wife is better for you than wine. Remember also, that his/her daughter is his/her primary concern.

Does your fiancee know of your problem? If so, enlist his/her support in helping you stop. If not and you don't want to tell him/her, then just concentrate on going one day at a time in not drinking that wine. OR go hour to hour. Tell yourself that today you will not drink and if you need a reward for that, then have a drink the next day. The next day, congratulate yourself for not drinking the previous day and reward yourself by promising yourself a drink the next day. And so on. Before you know it, you will have reached 7 days without wine and I promise you, your attitude to drinking will have changed.

One last thing - do not have any alcohol in the house. You will be setting yourself up for failure.

[polaryzed]

Spiralling out of control later in life

Just felt a need to reply . . .

:welcome: Kwick,

I did not really start drinking until my children left the nest.

I did not realize (or perhaps did not want to realize) things were out of control until I found this forum. My wake up call or ah-ha moments were because of flashbacks in my head from reading various posts and threads within MWO's web-site. So many stories, threads, posts and Truths made me take a good look in the mirror and stop and think about changing for the better.


As Pan- and the others have said . . .
You are entering a wonderful new phase in your life. Concentrate on that and BELIEVE that your new-to-be husband/wife is better for you than wine". "Remember also, that his/her daughter is his/her primary concern".

Be Well Kwick . . . God's Speed!

[Winefree]

Spiralling out of control later in life

Kwick, listen to the others posts. I too drank more frequently later in life. My second husband noted my drinking before we got married. I continued to drink almost daily and he wanted me to quit. He asked me numerous times and I kept on drinking, in denial that I really had a problem.
Well he walked out early April and I don't think he's coming back. I started going to counselling and AA and am now 18 days AF, but I think it is too late for my marriage.

Don't let this happen to you........

Winefree

[jane jane]

Spiralling out of control later in life

Ohhhh, yes, Kwick, life (with wine!) truly can begin at forty. I was in my mid-30s when I started the slooooow but steady transition from casual take-it-or-leave it glass or two here and there to the Big Giant Bottle du jour! (See my story in the "Tell Us Your Story" section, posted yesterday.) Never did drugs with it, though.

I'm about 5 months moderating and I look back on the wino era with something like awe---it's as if I'm looking back at another person. I cannot BELIEVE some of the crazy thinking/drinking I was doing---daily, nightly.

I haven't read the book because I knew that, like every diet book ever written, it would only tell me what I already knew---"Quit, stupid!"---so I just did it "My Way."

Funnily enough, I don't crave wine any more (I think it takes about 2 weeks to get over the addiction to the sugars) but I could sure enjoy a Bloody Mary right now. Won't, but...

Kwick, you can do it. You REALLY can. And when you're all happily married, you'll be so very glad you rediscovered the "real" Kwick in the "Knick" of time. I so sympathize with where you are now. Lots of us here can relate, as you have seen. Don't beat yourself up. Just make your best effort to start over!

[rolypoly]

Spiralling out of control later in life

The swimming thread Irishlady started for us, eloquent and wise, such a fun helpful analogy!.
just check it out sometime, my memory won't do it justice.
Reading that thread has been amazing.. ..
Some things really take hold in my mind. I just may go for a walk stir up a little brain breeze. Thank you so much for that IrishLady


they float through my mind
sheats of paper feel like silk
beautiful hand still writes



:thanks:

[Sunbeam]

Spiralling out of control later in life

Yup, me too. I'm now 55. I can't put an exact age on when alcohol became a problem, it was so gradual. Definitely sometime after I turned 40. Some think there is a connection with menopause.

[Lavande]

Spiralling out of control later in life

Have to agree with you 100% Sunbeam,

I'm 55 too, seems like a good age to put the brakes on and look back a bit. I did fall into a pretty deep depression at 45, fueled by declining hormones and an insensitive husband of 25 years. It's no wonder we end up abusing ourselves as we do and have to learn the hard way.
I will tell you now though - I am so happy I finally put a stop to the madness. I hope any one else out there, our age or getting close will do themselves a huge favor and just quit now - before it gets any worse.
It is totally worth the effort

[Lemonhead]

Spiralling out of control later in life

Aging seems to be a big risk factor for women - menopause already makes us fat, forgetful and cranky. Don't know why drinking seems like a solution ....

[Winefree]

Spiralling out of control later in life

I'm 56, finally in menopause if all goes well till the end of the month. Also went through a major depressive episode in my mid 40's. Coincidence?

Winefree

[Prest4time]

Spiralling out of control later in life

I really appreciate this thread as I have read and heard much about women struggling more in the later years, but having less of a tolerance for it at the same time. I remember my Mom always telling me after I turned 21 that as women, when during that wonderful time of the month, our alcohol tolerance decreases by 50%. I am not sure if she read that, heard that; as I never wanted to act like it mattered, but I have found it to be true.

I just turned 40 (the new 30 ) and am really beginning to enjoy and look forward to many years free from the shackles of AL.

I wanted to thank all of you women who posted your experience and ages here, because that really helps to see that we need to stay vigilent; this is not something we outgrow or stop desiring at a certain age, but rather for women, our dependence can really grow after age 40. Yikes...

Much gratitude.

[Lavande]

Spiralling out of control later in life

Good morning all,

I think it's good that we (40+) women can be strong enough & honest enough to put our thoughts & feelings out there for all to see.

I always thought (was probably misguided) that life after 40 would get somewhat easier??!! You know - the kids well on their way to being grown, comfortable in our long term marriages & other relationships, having attained a certain level of success in our careers, etc.................
Apparently my whole operating system was flawed. I never, ever expected to have to deal with the destructive efects of depression. I was always a happy, optimistic person, always looking forward to the future and good things to come. Never expected a ton of bricks to just fall on me - howdoes this stuff happen?

Well, regardless of what & how it happened, I'm still alive, getting stronger every day. It's been a tough climb, no kidding, but worth the effort. I am 8 weeks AF now, also quit smoking this week and feeling stronger every day. I know that I will have to stay vigilent forever, but that's OK!

I can do it & so can all of you

Blessings on all of us