MWO Members Rant!

[happycamper68]

MWO Members Rant!

iia67,
Yikes how have you been doing all of this? You sound like a single parent. Granted there are two sides to every story but listening to your side, she sounds very lucky to have you (other than the drinking part which you haven't really talked about here, meaning how is it going) and she needs a wake up call to realize how lucky she is. You guys need some counseling it sounds like. Camper

Good luck!

[lushy]

MWO Members Rant!

iia67, Although I am a woman I feel your pain. I recently ended a friendship with a woman who sounds a lot like your wife. She has no job and does nothing all day long and yet has the whole day free because her daughter is in school, hubby works full-time (gets up at 3:30 every morning to do so) and he does all of the cooking as she claims she hates it. He is a recovering alchy and he even serves her her cocktails at night!!!!!! Whenever I would ask if she had read something in the paper or did she see this or that TV show the night before her response is always, "Oh I don't have time for that!!!" On so many occasions I wanted to ask her what the hell she does except shop and sit around all day and spend her husband's hard-earned money without contributing anything to their household in terms of helping out with chores, etc. I am so sorry for you. I can see why you turn to alcohol as an escape. I hope your wife takes you seriously and you start seeing changes. Do not be a doormat. Stand up for what you deserve instead of taking on all of the responsibility. And if you are attempting moderation or abstinence best of luck to you......

Also my rant for the day is how those poor people in New Orleans are being treated. My stomach is in knots after seeing the news coverage this morning about how inept our government has been in helping them out. We are wasting billions on the war and yet cannot help our citizens here at home. Pathetic.

[RoseKat]

MWO Members Rant!

Iia, get your wife to a doctor. She sounds clinically depressed and should probably be on anti-depressants. She doesn't do anything because of lack of motivation and energy, because of depression (aka baby blues). Tell her you are worried about her and want her to get a check-up. Make sure that includes both physical and mental assessments.

If she's like me, she HATES housework. She may find work outside the home more fulfilling. Maybe when the baby is old enough, she would like to take on a part-time job and hire a weekly housekeeper out of her paycheck. Explore the possibilities.

I hope MWO is working for you! It WILL get better!

Kat

[southernbelle47]

MWO Members Rant!

Hey iia67

Do you ever watch the Dr. Phil show? He has people on all the time with problems like yours. He always says "Do you know why he or she does that?........because she CAN." You're pulling up all her slack
Call the Dr. Phil show and see if you guys can get on. He would set things straight!
If not at least call around for some marriage counseling.......SOON! I don't think you will last long at the rate you're going.

Praying for you,
Nancy

Oh and come back here and work on your drinking problem.........need to face these problems with a clear head!

[iia67]

MWO Members Rant!

Thanks for all the replies...

As far as my wife is concerned...she has always been lazy...she gets it honestly from her father. After we were married about a year my sister in law told me about her and that she's just like that.

Now the important part...I am scared that if I do stop drinking I will not be able to cope with my wife's lack of responsiblity and no zest for life. I am just beginning to realize my triggers and she is the bulk of them, however I was drinking way before I met her so there are many others. I am a very active and social person, except when I am drinking heavier. I need to keep busy...."Idle time is the devils playground" How do you guys cope with your spouses ? Counseling would be a waste of money . Would Alanon (not sure about the spelling here) be beneficial for my wife to attend. Has anyone had any experience with this?
I feel anxiuos or nervous about not drinking any more...is this normal? What will be by crutch if my oldest pal Mr. alcohol isn't there for me? Damn this sucks...how in the hell did I get myself into such a mess. I am soooo much smarter than this !!

Brian

[lushy]

MWO Members Rant!

Brian, We have all been or are still in the same boat as you. I am with you. The thought of abstaining for too long makes me nutty. Yesterday was my first day without a drink in YEARS. My goal is to only drink a couple of times a week. Don't know if it can be done because I have never attempted it. We shall see.

I really agree that while you think your wife is lazy a BIG part of it is that you are allowing her to get away with it. You need to let her know this is a serious issue for you and your marriage. I have ALWAYS had a short temper but I guarantee if my husband did not tolerate it that I would not lash out at him so much. My husband is a nondrinker and VERY happy-go-lucky so he does not know anything about the internal struggle I go through on a daily basis. I figured out in therapy a lot of my anger towards him is more jealousy because I wish I had his brain chemistry. How is that for being messed up???

Maybe your wife is depressed and you would know more than any of us but it does sound like she just thinks you will tolerate her laziness. I like the idea of her getting a part-time job when the kids are older and putting it towards housekeeping. Your kids do not need to grow up with a lazy mom as a role model.......good luck!!

[gabby]

MWO Members Rant!

I know we arent supposed to give advice on the rant but oh my gosh! How do ya deal with that one? I sure wish you luck Brian. Sounds like you are in quite a quindle. (not sure that is a word but it sounded good and matched) gabby

[southernbelle47]

MWO Members Rant!

Brian,

You are in pain.........and you are medicating it with booze.

I can only fix myself so this is where I had to begin. The only way you can change somebody else is if they're in diapers.
I have been married to the same guy for over 40 years and it's taken me that long to figure out that I can only change myself. Save yourself a lot of time and get to work on what you CAN do........work on you.

If you were self medicating before your marriage then I think that is where you should start looking. What is the source of the pain? As a child, did something happen?

I come from a dysfuntional family myself and blamed them for years............now I know I have to name it , claim it, confess it, and let it go. You will start liking yourself more and be able to start to deal with your problems in a healthy way.
It sounds like you and your wife don't communicate clearly about your expectations . Communication is:
55% visual...body language
38% vocal..tone of voice
and only 7% verbal...the actual words we use.

Didn't mean to go on and on.

You have touched my heart with your story. My daughter divorced about seven years ago with two kids. It's NEVER over! I also have two sons about your age so I GET the guys point of view also.

Glad your here and seeking answers.

Blessings
Nancy:l

[Roberta Jewell]

MWO Members Rant!

To the webhosting company who promised good service

Dear JaguarPC (or, as you call yourselves, "the world's most reliable end-to-end hosting solutions provider"):

Just wanted to send you a note to thank you for the receipt of payment yesterday. Thing is, I'm trying to figure out just what it is I'm paying for exactly. Because I woke up once again to Site Not Found. So did hundreds of members on my message board who rely on the world's most reliable end-to-end hosting provider.

You may recall I moved my board over here several weeks ago. We were having all kinds of problems with the existing company who hosted our forums, and we needed a more feature rich product, anyway, which meant hosting it ourselves. So we mucked our way though, and that in and of itself was hard enough on my members because it meant everyone had to learn a whole new interface. But they suffered through it, they are troupers. And believe me, they're dealing with more issues that message board learning curve.

I asked you how I could make sure this site would be REALLY stable because I was expecting a lot of traffic. My company is growing, I told you, and so is my message board membership, and I'd be installing a new chat system and blog; all of this would require lots of resources and bandwidth. You told me, hey get a virtual private server, a VPS, it'll cost a little more, but it'll be better, faster, more robust. So of course I followed your excellent advice, interrupted access to my users and paid others for the install. I then assured my customers and member that our new system would be better, faster, more robust.

But you screwed up, right from the beginning. Instead of moving mywayout.org over to my VPS you moved ALL my domains over (as you know I manage five) including the one where we get our mail. So, everything had to be reconfigured. And no mail for us until we worked through that one. Did I mention this website also hosts a BUSINESS?! But this goes beyond business. Today I'll be sending email (once I CAN) to several dozen parents of our local children's choir trying to explain why the site I volunteered to host is down. Again. Because you moved it over to this VPS against my wishes, and moved it to a server that appears to be held together with duct tape and bailing wire. By the way, we're in the middle of auditions and recruitment, so the site is critical to our organization. As always, great timing, guys.

Frankly, I'm afraid to check the site when I get up in the morning, that's how bad it is! When it first went down shortly after we moved I was furious. I asked why?? Oh, too much load from another user. Wait! That's why I moved over to the VPS, you told me it would eliminate that problem! Oh, it's a one time thing you said. Okay, fine. Then BAM, down again soon after, same problem. Next time I lost service you told me it was caused by a major router failure, so once again, we waited it out. We were down for hours that day.
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Last night the site started acting funny so I sent you a help desk ticket and once again "Smith" responded saying he didn't see any problems. "Oh yeah? Well I see problems, pal, the site is sluggish, I can barely post to my blog, something is up." "I don't see anything wrong" says Smith again. "It's sluggish, I'm telling you, something's gong on! I'm scared to death I'm going to lose the server." "I've reset your server, have a nice day" says Smith soon after. "Okay fine, it seems to be working better, but I'm glad I gave you the heads up, because I sure wouldn't want to wake up in the morning and find out that the site is down again."

I don't know if you got my help desk ticket today because I'm not getting any mail. I do know that you're not taking any phone calls. I was on hold for 15 minutes before your recording told me to leave a message. Believe me, you do not want to hear what I have to say to you.

Do you have ANY idea how this affects my business? (And my blood pressure). And my credibility. And my reputation. And my pocketbook. I'm paying a ton of money for a Google Ad campaign that points to a dead site. Wow, won't those folks be impressed. They're looking for help and they sure won't find it here. Our website is also our livelihood, guys, it is as important to me as it is to Ted, who's owns a convenience store down the street. I'd be pretty damned surprised if I drove by and his store was gone. But that's essentially what you do to me every time the server fails. Poof. And as I explained before, my message board is a lifeline for hundreds, possibly thousands of people. You leave them absolutely stranded.

I can't afford to hire a full time IT guy, I only contract out the work. He's the smartest guy I know, but even he can't fix this. We're all waiting on you.

I swore after all the initial problems, I wouldn't move again, especially now that my site has been modified, tweaked and reprogrammed in such a way that it is locked and linked deep into the bowels of your system. I couldn't imagine going through this again and would never put my customers and members (or myself) through it. But guess what, I've changed my mind. I'm trying to grow a company here and these problems have cost me a small fortune. I'm trying to provide support to people who could really use some help, and they're not getting any right now. I selected you because of the excellent--and stable--service you used to provide. I don't know what changed and I'm embarrassed to say I recommended your company to many of my associates. I can only hope they're getting treated better than me and I surely won' t blame them if they never ask for my advice again.

This stinks and as far as I'm concerned, we can't move fast enough to another service, whatever the cost in time, money and frustration.
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Signed,

One very dissatisfied customers who's going to try and figure out a way to tell as many people I know to NEVER EVER SELECT JAGUAR PC WHEN LOOKING FOR A WEB HOSTING SERVICE.

p.s.: "Edward", I just got your email to my alternative address telling me you had posted information about the hardware node problem and that my VPS should be back online soon. That was nearly an hour ago. You said to kindly check the Jaguar forum for more information, have a nice day. Edward, I'm not having a nice day and your company can kindly say goodbye to a loyal customer who's been with you for over a decade.

[YoungAtHeart]

MWO Members Rant!

Wow, give 'em h*ll RJ!

Hey Brian, as kindly as possible, you enable your wife's laziness, and she enables your drinking. I agree that she is probably clinically depressed, too, but she won't be mobilized to get help unless you insist upon it!

Good luck with both your wife and with your drinking!

Take care!
Kathy

[Guest]

MWO Members Rant!

I hope I never piss you off, RJ... :eeks: :eeks: :H
Let 'em have it!!!!
I woke up to "server not found" or whatever it was...and that DOES stink when you are trying to find support and check up on everyone else who needs the same.
Anything we can do to support you on this one, keep us posted!

[tawnyfrog]

MWO Members Rant!

WOW!

Now that's what I call a rant!! Dont mess with RJ, "Edward".

[southernbelle47]

MWO Members Rant!

IMPRESSIVE, RJ!!!!!!
No communication problem here!

Nancy:thanks:

[Mackeral]

MWO Members Rant!

I think its a bit short...

[Quiescent]

MWO Members Rant!

RJ, can I hire you to write all my rants........Wheeeeeeeeeeew doggy they had better have their tails between their legs!

I thought MWO was a dream when I tried to log on today and it said "web page not found":upset:

Pinch me:H