Cravings returning

[RoseKat]

Cravings returning

Heavy drinking can sensitize the gag reflex. I've had some problems on occasion with swallowing the bigger caps, too (gagged & spewed water thru my nose!). My friends at work are already telling me how good I look and I tell them about my new vitamin regimen...

Barb, congrats on day 23! That's awesome! I can't remember the last time I went more than 10 days abs (which was 7 years ago) and I know what a significant accomplishment that is, at least in my book. Kudos!

[sydney]

Cravings returning

Hi susan,

And everyone on this board. Hope everyone is having a great day. I will ask this question again, and I guess again and again until I can get an anwer that somehow makes sense to me. Please dont be offended by what I am about to comment on. Please know that it comes from my heart and from the deepest sense of my trying to help others on this board who may be feeling the same way, and who may be wondering if topamx can help them. I know personally I was so discouraged at first that I almost gave up. I expected way to much, and thought it would be a miracle cure, which it wasnt . But let me share with all of you what i has done. Please know that my ultimate goal is to NOT drink at all.

With that said, There are some of us, who CANNOT do the abstinence route. Have tried over and over and over, and for whatever reason, cannot do it. I
So ..... To those of us who cannot do the abstinence route, we must measure our successes in reduction in number of drinks, on a consistent basis, or moderation.

ANd to me, it is NOT moderating our drinking by our own will, that comes with such effort that we are fighting the craving all night, and are miserable doing so. But rather we are taking the medication, the supplements that have somehow significantly reduced this beast in us, that craves the 6th , 7th & 8th drink.
There lies the success of this program. My testimony is much different than anyone elses on this board. I was a very late bloomer. I came out of the shoot expecting a quick fix, as was written in the book , and experienced by others. RJ had very very quick results. Within the first week.
Miy results were more like months. They were slow, gradual and suttle. I honestly did not even appreciate the total benefits until I quit taking the topamax. I quit thinking that it wasnt working. I knew I had cut down my drinking, but I thought to myself "could I be sure it was the topamax".
The mind can mess with you. It had been 6 months taking the topamax, and my drinking habits had changed, but in my mind, since I had NOT had the COMPLETE and total transformation overnight as was stated by others and in the book, the meds were not working. There was always this seed of doubt in the back of my mind if the topa was working, was it my circumstances, was it this, was it that, .......
Has anyone ever had those painful conversations with oneself?

I went off of the medication, and within a few weeks I found myself back to my old self, wanting to drink and drink and drink, and never had that feeling of "having enough". I would find myself running to the store for more, which I had NOT done in 6 months.
It was like a huge light bulg went off . I was so excited, because although my experience was much different and maybe not as drastic, as RJ's and others, it was clear, that the topamax, did make a HUGE impact on my craving the 6th, 7th & 8th drink. I stopped and asked myself, when in the last 6 months while on the topamx had I drank to the point of becoming sloppy, slurry and staggering? Well I HAD NOT been there in the last 6 months, and my daughter who saw me there (shortly after stopping the topa, was wanting to know what in the world happened at work that day to make me drink like that?) she just assumed it was something drastic, and I was using the same coping mechanisms that she has seen me use over and over again. I was honest and told her that I was on a trial break from the "topa", and she said to me, well get back on it, because you are a different person without it! What an eye opener.

I apologize for the length of this, didnt mean to go on. But I hope there are others out there like me, that even though we cannot abstain, we have found a way to stop the acceleration of the nightly drinking. The complulsion to have more and more and more. And in my opinion that is exactly what this medication does.

I am not going to tell you that after 1 beer I cant finish the second, because for me that is simply not true. It is more like instead of 8 beers I want 4. And on weekends instead of 12 I have 6.
That number is not cast in stone, and it is ALL relative. Let me just say it will keep you from drinkin on and on and on. PERIOD



.
I know that I have said this before, and I know many of you will be sitting and reading and secretly rolling your eyes thinking well if she would just put in the effort, and committ, than she could abstain. And you may be right, but I have yet to figure out how, so until that day arrives, topa is the next best thing.

Hope this helps just one person on the fence.

Give it a try.
Give it time.

Much respect

[sujul]

Cravings returning

I think everyone here would agree with you entirely, Syd! We're all just doing the best we can...that's what makes this site so great--we're all on this journey together--even if we might be taking different paths to get there...abs, mods or somewhere in between, what we ALL want is our lives back!
:l
susan

[RoseKat]

Cravings returning

Syd,

Your letter brought tears to my eyes. I want you to know that, though I may be new here, I have been lurking long enough to know that NO ONE is rolling their eyes at you. We ALL feel your pain. YOU are the ONLY one who judges you. You are doing FANTASTIC on Topa if you can cut your consumption in half! Holy cr@p! Don't be so hard on yourself! Take Topa, let it work for you in whatever way it will, and RELAX.

And keep coming here to talk and share with the others who have been there. We all care and will keep on cheering you on!

Wishing you all the best!

Kat :h

[RoseKat]

Cravings returning

Sorry, I guess I got a little emotional earlier. I have beaten myself up too many times and recognize the symptoms of self-abuse. Maybe that's one of the reasons I feel so supported here. No one beats me up like I did every morning when I'd wake up with another classic hangover.

Just hang in here and do the best you can. What else can you do?

[peaches]

Cravings returning

Second week that I'm at 100 mg. I don't want to go too high as I have side effects

[RoseKat]

Cravings returning

Hey, Pea, what are your side effects? Is it working for you at 100? Have you tried the grape seed extract? I titrated Topa to 50 mg this week and started taking grape seed capsules twice a day for tingling in hands & feet and it helped a LOT right away. I also eat bananas, and I think that is part of the solution.

BTW, the cravings quieted down some with the higher dosage, too, so I am drinking tea instead of wine. (Miracle of miracles!) Hoping not to have to go higher than 100-150 in the long run, but we'll see.