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[Boo]

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Gina, Glad to hear you feel all better! My love, Boo

[millie50]

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Gina
We are all in this together. I am sorry for whatever happened...but try to keep your head above the water line. We all NEED each other, or at least I need you. Please don't leave and don't give up so easy. I know what ever happened sucked and I am sorry but please try to rise above it. hugs, millie

[bill redmond]

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This too will pass, look past it

[GratefulEm]

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Gina, What's the Matter?

This is hard. It's really, really hard work. We're all wounded warriors. I was reading in "The Natural Medicine Guide to Addiction" that the soul pain with alcoholism is most often a profound lonliness and that the soul is longing for love and connection. The bottle often becomes our best friend. I know that trust has always been one of my BIGGEST issues. And the minute anyone hurt me or I perceived they hurt me, another wall went up around me. I must have looked like a medieval castle. But please don't give up. Did you turn to alcohol when you got hurt? Did that cloud your perspective? I know that's what I would do and I'd get angrier. People will always let you down. Just try to be gentle with yourself and love yourself a tad more tonight. Just don't, don't give up. This is a process with one strep forward and sometimes two back.
But we can all share what's working and what isn't. The worst thing is to go back inside yourself. (Your'e not a cancer the crab are you?) I can't speak to the AA part because I've never been and just feel that it isn't for me. But these boards are important to me and their seem to be some pretty neat ladies here. So
"Keep on truckin' - we're all in this for the long haul."
Randon truck trivia - on the Mass Pike I counted 104 tractor trailers in 45 minutes. On the Jersey Turnpike I counted 125 in 4 minutes. How ya like those apples! Em

[Guest]

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Hi Em!
I'm ok now. Thank you for your kindness. I am doing better due to a 3 day stretch of work....always gets me back on track (I'm a nurse and work 12 hr shifts....never have an interest in drinking these days.!!). Today I am just grateful for FINALLY having a weekend off with my family. Just came in from playing "catcher" with my 5 yo baseball player. Believe me, it is going to take one huge pik to dig thru the layers I have put up to protect me! Music has always touched me deeply..as right now I am listening to Les Miserables..."A Little Fall of Rain"....helps me to dig a little deeper. I feel lonely NO matter what! Doesn't matter if I've received several calls, emails, etc....still feel lonely. I know it is irrational! Need to feel complete within. Don't know how yet. That is why I am here. So grateful for you and all the others here! Love you all! Gina:l

[GratefulEm]

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So glad you're feeling better

Wow, you're a nurse! You certainly have my utmost respect. And playing ball with your 5 yr old. Good for you! How I wish I could relive those days! My son got deployed to Iraq last month and I'm living on pins and needles. I honor your PMS and all. I had such a wicked time with it. So girl, you just keep on coming here. I let one of my walls down this week when I knew I would'nt love myself until I started stripping away some of those defenses. The first to go was the wall (pretty damn thick) I'd built against my mother-in-law. She's 90 now and really can't hurt me anymore. I took her out for an ice cream cone and we actually had fun. But, hey, I was in a place where I could do it. You just keep working towards it - you'll get there. You sound like one pretty smart chick, you'll get it together, hon - keep the faith. Em

[wellseasoned]

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I have absolutely no idea what this is about as I am in and out of this website like a flutter bug. But I do know what it feels like to feel vulnerable and let down - even betrayed. I have not felt that here but at other times in my life. It has brought me to a very simple place personally - I have very few close friends and pretty much keep my time for my business and family. I do have a large family with grandchildren so it is a somewhat natural transition but ten years ago when it all started after my divorce it was not natural at all. It was awful. I lost most of my life long friends and because of the situation I found myself in the rumors were flying around me. I fought for and kept my home for my kids, so I then lived and worked amid the whispers and stares. It was hard and even triggered some of the self destructive behaviors I am now trying to correct. I will offer this advice, though, I learned that true friends - the people that really matter in life will see you for who you are - will accept you for who you are and will speak well of you - even when you are not in the room. Guess this is why I find myself with such a small group of "true" friends. As for this website, I think we are all in it together and that sometimes it might get crazy because we all have our insecurities and hot buttons as we walk/stumble along the road to recovery. There is so much love and support here, I hope you decide to stay. Sometimes people will say things that are/sound judegemntal or are not supportive. Just don't let the negative images into your head - it will pull you down even farther. We all screw up and fall along the way in life, especially on recovery road. It's ok. The best thing you can do for yourself is to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and get back on the highway.
Saying a prayer for you and your journey.
Jenn