Fallen off after all this time

[Joanna]

I had a drink after 124 days sober. I haven't posted in ages. Sausage if you are there I was reading about your feelings coming up to the 6 months and I wanted to shout Don't do it! then I realised it was back in April and I truly hope you made it to May 3rd.

Some friends were round and it was the Bank Holiday weekend. I made a measured decision to have a couple of glasses; to celebrate the sunshine, whatever. Felt drunk really quickly.
Then guess what. Drunk the next two nights then had two days off then have drunk for the last 4. Its only a matter of time before I am up to my bottle and a half a night and it is frightening how quickly my body has got used to it again.

I don't get dead drunk so for myself, I haven't got a strong urgent reason 'never to touch a drop'. It has felt like a real treat these last few nights and I can see my old habit back.

I have come back to give and receive some support. I'm disappointed in myself. But i kind of always knew it was going to happen. Not drinking is so boring and joyless. I don't know where to go from here. I feel lost because the thought of alcohol is pleasant and exciting

[ronnie]

Fallen off after all this time

Hi Joanna,
Have you tried modding? I cant really help you at the moment as I am only 23 Days A/F but I am hopping to mod after 30 day A/F
I think that you have done really well posting on here & hey 124 days A/F WOW, you have to make up your mind what you want to do either mod. or totally knock it on head!!!! then go from there
sorry I cant help more
Love ronnie xxx

[Popeye]

Fallen off after all this time

Hi Joanna,
You did so well with your 124 days, and there's no failure in having a planned drink if that's what you want, but try and not let it slide to the point that you feel the same as you felt when you first came here.
Personally, I don't want a drink no matter what he weather's like. I can't just have a few but I completely understand anyone who does. 'Normal' people. I'm still growing into sober living and I have to say it's far from joyless. I'm having a great time.
Take care.

[Marshy]

Fallen off after all this time

Hi Joanna,

I'm interested in how you describe your relationship with alcohol - "pleasant and exciting", and that life is "boring and joyless" without it. But I assume your reasons for giving up outweigh this or you wouldn't be here?
What are your reasons for giving up? Can you try to focus on those?

I know it's hard - maaaaan do I know it's hard! - but it's the mental battle that we have to win and it requires a big shift in thinking. And I know you know this, but it's important to find something to replace the alcohol, not stay in exactly the same situation just minus a glass in your hand, thinking "I wish there was a glass in my hand".

Well done for coming back!

[Marshy]

Fallen off after all this time

Oh, or are you trying to mod? If so, I've NO idea how that works!!!

[greeneyes]

Fallen off after all this time

Marshy;625983 wrote: it's important to find something to replace the alcohol, not stay in exactly the same situation just minus a glass in your hand, thinking "I wish there was a glass in my hand".

Sometimes you read a sentence and it has a tremendous impact on you. That was one of those sentences Marshy. Thanks! If I were a newpaper editor I'd make it the headline.

Joanna, I can't agree more with Marshy's post.

[Evie.Lou]

Fallen off after all this time

Hi There Joanna, I remember after having 17 years sober and going thru a divorce. I thought "how pleasant and exciting it all was........men, booze, freedom. WRONG !!! It all went south in a big hurry and the romance was soon gone. Now I am deeply "in LOVE" with LIFE and Sobriety .......... Over 1 yr. sober.
I really don't know how to advise you other than to say ......I wish the same for you !!!

[paula]

Fallen off after all this time

I started drinking again after 6 years. Iam now struggling to get sober again. No way can I moderate, I start off ok, then I end up worse than ever.

[jessie]

Fallen off after all this time

Hi Joanna,
Boredom and loneliness are massive triggers, can you get involved in another activity to replace drinking time. One step at a time seems to work for many
All the best.

[Joanna]

Fallen off after all this time

My first step back this morning was to pour away half a bottle of wine I had left in the freezer overnight. That was empowering! Not having it in the house helps me a lot.

I don't think I can mod. The speed with which I have upped my intake after the first night back on has alarmed me. Last night 3/4 bottle and no hangover. I won't get blind drunk; I'll just stagger about, wake up in the small hours feeling dehydrated and feel guilty the next morning. I don't want to regain the stone I have lost since January.

If my relationship with AL was more 'dangerous' by that I mean I hurt myself or others etc my motivators would be stronger. As it is it is a slow insidious habit that I hate but also love. Does that make sense?

I came back here because i know i will be back to 1.5 bottles before I know it and common sense tells me this is too much

Thanks for everyone's replies. I understand the thing about changing thought patterns and habits but I don't think my mind is very disciplined. I tend to let thoughts over run me

[Evie.Lou]

Fallen off after all this time

I think you are making good choices now ............stop while you still can..........while You are taking the drink and the drink is NOT TAKING YOU !!!

[Joanna]

Fallen off after all this time

Reasons to abandon this week's drinking

1. I don't want to put on the stone I just lost
2. I don't want to feel restless and agitated in the evening
3. I don't want to waste my whole evening on the computer
4. I don't want to wake up at 3am dehydrated
5. I don't want to feel guilty and or hungover in the morning

[gyco]

Fallen off after all this time

hi jo,give yourself a pat on the back that your realising where this can take you,ive just been reading a book,healing the addicted brain,my wife bot it for me,we seen it on a show,you've shown you can control the nightmare,give credit where credits do,stop feeling sorry for your self and do what your heart not the brain says to do,buy the book,done wonders for my outlook,and ive been in and out of programs for years,learn to control your thoughts and the out come will amaze you,can we beat up on ourselves anymore then we have, i as i say to many wish you well gyco

[Boss.man]

Fallen off after all this time

Joanna;625978 wrote: Not drinking is so boring and joyless. I don't know where to go from here. I feel lost because the thought of alcohol is pleasant and exciting

Joanna, you can get back just fine. It's not a big deal to slip. It IS a big deal to not get back up. It's easier if you do it quick and get back to where you were.

As to the "Joyless" part, I think this is just a matter of introducing new sources of joy. I used to think not eating steak every night was joyless, but now I find a healthier diet give me better sleep and more energy, so the big picture aspect is my focus, and in that there is joy.

Someday I'm going to be a 98 year old in some nursing home, with nothing more to look forward to than orange gelatin or green gelatin. It is my goal to find joy with both flavors.

[Doggygirl]

Fallen off after all this time

Welcome back Joanna. The same sentences in your original post jumped out at me as jumped out at the others. I can relate to the quick escalation of drinking back to the old volumes and beyond - When I first got sober I chose to drink after 60 days in much the way you describe - a beautiful day, etc. etc. Withing a few days I was right back to the old drinking habits. Then I really struggled for 8 months to get back on the wagon. That kind of joy and excitement I don't need.

I do think the key is putting together a new structure to life that goes beyond simply removing the booze.

Strength to you! I feel your pain!

DG