Fallen off after all this time

[savon19]

Fallen off after all this time

Joanna;625978 wrote: Not drinking is so boring and joyless.

This is probably the Saddest statement -- only because I Relate!! How awful to think that sober life is boring & joyless... yet... it often seems true.

UGH. We really must change our mindset about that. It really isn't true!! It just SEEMS that way... enough to make us stumble back into the pattern.

[Eve11]

Fallen off after all this time

Get back on the saddle!

Joanna,

Yours is a tricky one. Although you made a conscious decision to drink (sounds pre-planned with the friends coming, holiday etc.) you probably didn't put a plan in place like you should have. Moderating is hard work but what folks do that are successful at it is to put a thoughtful plan into place and then evaluate that plan the day after drinking. Limits are set (e.g. no more than two or three, no drinking alone...whatever that particular modder needs to set for themselves to be successful). Evaluation the next day includes how you feel (hungover, tired, etc.), why you drank, what you did to stop cravings to not go over your limit, etc.

Let me give you a crazy analogy. Think of the Christian teen (just happened to a very well known one this recently happened to) who became pregnant because she was raised to have sex only after marriage. So she doesn't really pay attention to birth control as she believes she's never going to need it. (No plan) Then boyfriend talks her into having relations and she gets pregnant as she hasn't taken and doesn't even understand about the precautions.

Now take that story and substitute alcohol. Without a plan it's real easy to get into trouble.

Is modding the answer and is it for everyone? No and probably not. I do believe successful modding happens for the minority and not the majority. But it probably wouldn't hurt to read how successful modders accomplish it when they have their plans in place.

There's an old A.A. saying that goes "One is too many and a thousand aren't enough." For many just the taste of that one leads to a spiral path downward...back to the days of too much, too often.

We all know there are many downsides to AL. Sometimes I feel the most fun I've had was being totally AF as I could act crazy, fun (like dancing on a table top at a wedding once) while totally sober because I was in CONTROL.

There are many great non-al drinks (I love O'Douls Amber bach beer) so one can be at a social gathering with drink in hand and feel a part of the group.

Everyone here falls, whether it's an AF'er who fell off the wagon or a modder who drank more than their plan allowed. Just pick yourself up and get back on track.

Good luck and know that we're all here for you. I caution anyone/everyone whose been AF for a long time to switch to modding but I understand the allure. Wouldn't every problem drinker love to believe they can drink normally. A few can do it but it takes more work than remaining AF. Best wishes in what you choose to do. Know that we're all here for you wherever your path leads.
:l
Eve11

[caysea]

Fallen off after all this time

Hi All
It is only a matter of time before you hurt yourself or the ones you love if you have a problem with al.I assume everyone who is on this site has a problem or wouldn't have been looking for an answer.The mod here can control their frequency and amount the rest of us can't. The sooner you are able to understand yourself the better chances you have of not hurting yourself or the ones you love.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[Joanna]

Fallen off after all this time

Ahhh zenstyle. Day 1 again. And it seemed so long ago for me when I was there before!!!!! Don't know myself well enough to know if I can mod or not. As Eve said, you must have a carefully thought out and controlled plan. That makes good sense to me. And thank you Eve for that thoughtful and inspiring post. It has really helped me as has all the support I have received today.

The spped with which I started necking it last night after so long off made me seriously consider that I am not like other normal drinkers. My spouse will have a couple of pints then a cup of tea in the wekkday evenings. I have to make a major effort to do that; to stop once I have started.

Others have related to what I have said about the pleasure. As i suffer from apathy and depression quite a lot anyway, the 'joy' provided by these cold glasses of wine on summery evenings as well as the mid afternoon anticipation were a real boost to the spirit. I felt 'normal' again. I was excited! Even the inevitable Saturday morning mild hangover was comforting; taking the tablets, having the extra cup of tea, going to work knowing that I would rally by late morning. How sad is that?!! Thankfully, warning bells have sounded early and I realise I need to take stock quickly as Evie Lou says to take it in hand before it takes me.

Zenstyle I wish you well and hope we can put some more AF under our belt, I don't think I would be good at weekday modding so I am not even gonna go there. I am just going to stop again for as long as I can

[Winefree]

Fallen off after all this time

Sorry to hear of your slips Joanna and Zenstyle. I am listening to you both about your feelings after being AF for a while and then picking up again.
I am so far 32 days AF and still cannot imagine never having a drink again. And yes, in ways I feel life is boring and joyless without AL. Except for being more alert in the morning and not having as much heartburn, I am stressed and still not happy.

I have heard about the risks of trying picking up again and how we go back right where we left off, so for now that is what is keeping me AF.
I wish you both the best. Thanks for sharing your heartfelt feelings.

Winefree

[Angelcakes]

Fallen off after all this time

Boss.man;626113 wrote: Someday I'm going to be a 98 year old in some nursing home, with nothing more to look forward to than orange gelatin or green gelatin. It is my goal to find joy with both flavors.

Love it! This'll stick with me Boss.

Jo, you can get back to where you wanna be...and you can take from this experience what you need.

xo

[hiddengoal]

Fallen off after all this time

Joanna;626084 wrote:
I came back here because i know i will be back to 1.5 bottles before I know it and common sense tells me this is too much

Yes, your common sense is as wise as it always is. I used to not think too much about my similar consumption. Lately, since being AF almost 2mos, I have mentioned that to a few people and even said I was drinking 2-3 bottles of wine myself in a week. I mean, that is only 3-4 glasses a nite - no biggie.

The responses I have gotten have been different. A big young guy in a Gym, 'I could never do that, 2 glasses and I feel it....3 would be way too much." Comment from a therapist, "yes, that is excessive", and quite a few more like this.

The new recommendations say 1 glass at a time for women. I say, "Who drinks one glass?"

I think our reality shifts by what we are doing at the time.

[DoneDrinkin]

Fallen off after all this time

Joanna,

List 10 things you LOVE to do.. things that make you happy, excited, feel free and young. Things that make you feel connected with the world around you, happy and grateful to be a human being born into this amazing world. List them, put them on your refrigerator, in your car, in your wallet, on your computer. Make a promise you'll do 2 or 3 of those things every day. Make an effort to do it. It will be hard at first, but it'll be a part of your routine in 30 days. Doing good things for yourself on a regular basis - things that bring you happiness - will change your brain chemistry, and your outlook on life.

Stay strong,
--Steve

Joanna;625978 wrote: Not drinking is so boring and joyless. I don't know where to go from here. I feel lost because the thought of alcohol is pleasant and exciting

[macbarry]

Fallen off after all this time

Hi, Joanna. I just started this week and would be delighted to share your companionship on this journey. I have posted a bit about myself this week, and I am working very deligently to be proactive in recuperating my health and well-being. My habit has been a usual bottle + 1/2 wine a day.

As for today, perhaps seek nature, poetry, movie, music, etc., for distraction, and friendship for support. As for me, in the midwest, USA, I am here and thinking about you this day.

[Joanna]

Fallen off after all this time

Thanks Macbarry , Angelcakes , Steve. Those were kind words which are really encouraging. Today is day 2 AF and guess what? I made it through last night and its already 7pm here and not doing too badly .

Its been a stressful day; I've been on my feet for 10 hours but when the evening sun aint shining, its not so tempting! I don't know why it just isn't.

Steve I will focus on these good things. Its difficult for me to get joyed up about stuff as I'm on antidepressants which tend to blur things and make you feel less. However, I will persevere. Like you said its hard at first then things become a habit.

Things are hard right now as my husband wants to take the family to Canada from the UK. Initially I was all for it and now I have serious cold feet and I feel like I've let him down by having this change of heart. My 11 year old daughter also really doesn't want to go. I dont know if I should just refuse to go or go along with it. We wont know anyone; the weather will be COLD!, I have to give up my job which I love. Don't know WHAT to do

[cacky]

Fallen off after all this time

Joanna and Mayberry and group; last night i drank; im living on my own and only have my kids 50% of the time. when i have them i dont drink. So i drank last night and my kids called and they knew. The good news is i didnt drive and i actually didnt lie about it so thats new but still i feel pretty down today about letting them down.

Id love to try to work together as a group to overcome this thing. I ordered balcofen and am hoping that will help. It will be a while before i get it.

Good luck to all

[momof3]

Fallen off after all this time

I used to think that life was "boring and joyless" without drink. But, you know what? Now that I haven't had a drink in over 1 year, I realize that what caused life to be "boring and joyless" was drinking. Chronic drinking distorted my perceptions and made me self-centered. I fooled myself into thinking that I was the life of the party, such a social butterfly, and so cool when I was a drinker. Wrong! I was boring and joyless and the only respite I had from that was when I drank alcohol. Now, I have created a meaningful life that I am grateful for each day. Alcohol was an albatross around my neck that I am free to be rid of.

[momof3]

Fallen off after all this time

A thought/question for all:

Do you think "normal" consumers of alcohol think that life without alcohol is boring and joyless?

[Wannabsober]

Fallen off after all this time

Joanna;625978 wrote: I had a drink after 124 days sober. I haven't posted in ages. Sausage if you are there I was reading about your feelings coming up to the 6 months and I wanted to shout Don't do it! then I realised it was back in April and I truly hope you made it to May 3rd.

Some friends were round and it was the Bank Holiday weekend. I made a measured decision to have a couple of glasses; to celebrate the sunshine, whatever. Felt drunk really quickly.
Then guess what. Drunk the next two nights then had two days off then have drunk for the last 4. Its only a matter of time before I am up to my bottle and a half a night and it is frightening how quickly my body has got used to it again.

I don't get dead drunk so for myself, I haven't got a strong urgent reason 'never to touch a drop'. It has felt like a real treat these last few nights and I can see my old habit back.

I have come back to give and receive some support. I'm disappointed in myself. But i kind of always knew it was going to happen. Not drinking is so boring and joyless. I don't know where to go from here. I feel lost because the thought of alcohol is pleasant and exciting

I did the same thing only I only lasted 2 weeks sober before I drank. Think of it as that you tested the waters and get back on track NOW. I did not and am still struggling to find my way back. Trust me do it now before you wind up more lost.

[TimeToLoveMyLiver]

Fallen off after all this time

Hi Joanna.

124 days is an amazing effort.

I'm pretty sure you beat my best by a day........

It's amazing how quickly you get "back into it".

I wish you well with your decisions.

Brett.