TheMe2Be

[Cinders]

I just wanted to start a thread for you. It "felt right" somehow. Not sure why but am doing it anyway.

I hope I don't make you cringe or shy away.

I read your posts on tapering using beer and I am thrilled for you.

Do not think this is in anyway a passive/aggressive way to help you. It isn't.

If you fall again, you do. I have many times and so have you.

I just wanted you to know there are those here cheering you on and hoping this time is much, much better.

Oh, and I hope to meet the "2Be" some day.

Just know you are special here and loved and cared about.

Love,
Cindi

[Lila]

TheMe2Be

TheMe
As long as this thread is about you, I do want to say your posts are so thought provoking, and really are touching.
I wish you well in tapering off
Lila

[Theme2be]

TheMe2Be

I just came on because "it felt right".
Then there this is with such syncronicity of your spirit(s) in tune.
I adore you for this.
I am struggling to verbalize what I see. I have not had the vision to create something instrumental in expressing those tender, delicate fibers called - emotions.
It has been imperitive to the survival of what is the essential meaning of my being born to be very still and on watch where I reside. It may sound unusual, bu t, the "system" of "relatives" I was bound to are not equipt to treat me as I am meant to be known.
It has been misery and then the company of alcoholism. It has felt like a double blind study of how a disorder can cause disorder in a land where the only means of survival is to drink the air you breath as the fumes remaining expand as the only offering of nourishment for mind, body soul and spirit only to corrupt all hopes and dreams as they feed off each disapointment.

Only a handful know of the conditions where I have resided for two years. I should not be still in the room, the dungen here, but, I have masters at psychological ill-manners as they play a game that baffles the imagination. Only because they are ill within, no matter how stellar and proper outer appearances are.
What I know is - to love. To love to know what life one can experience through the sight of viewing another genuine soul find free flight for their unique colors as they pass the golden ticket for another's passage into being.

I seek my golden ticket. I am fine with it being worn , just hoping for it to be tried and true.

When I watch the station about nature, I am in understanding how so many brilliant creatures are equipt with such supernatural means to survive in the climate of their existance. Their bodies change colors to confuse the enemy. They are given the intelligence to "know" the action required to rescue and bring remedy to the appropriate dilema unless overpowered by what stalks them . It is usually the weak or those too sick to fight off the attacker.
The only time that seems to happen is when the one in mention is ISOLATED.

I am doing so, with the pacing of the beer by staying close to the pack.

I arose this morning after a solid 8 hours sleep and it was not because I drank my 3 bottles of champagne in a matter of moments. I actually rested.
I managed the protocol of the one beer per hour as I monitored my heart rate. The blood pressure was not good, but, that is always the case when I discontinue the intake.

I watched as my pulse went from being in the hundreds to hourly dropping to the low 80's which is rare for this body.
To fall asleep, aware, calmly with the recollection of situating myself for comfort is almost abstract.
What amazed me is that I had to force the chosen portions around 1AM as I started around 7 ish.

Today, I was able to suit up and get my resume out there and not have that "pickled" bloated look.
I functioned. Not once today during the beginning hours did "the thought" pick at me like Chinese torture as usual.

I had some "urges" that really arose when the person I reside with started a new session of dysfunction.
Yes, that is typical. Create a scene so that the hope I am exuding may be squashed by this individual not getting the attention, because maybe this BEing I am meant to be is reflecting some light here and not rolled up in a ball in the room/cave as usual when the usual means of work is diminished due to the state of the economy.
I was a m a z e d at the distortion of my emotions as I realized that attempting to speak from myself, to emote the energy that matched the thoughts that were quite resonable were absorbed into silence. I shut down.

The enemy was in the wings waiting and I slammed the door on the monster, the rapist of identity.
I started the "beer" regime around 7, but, noticed that my emotional pain wanted to be blured and I knew that routine so well.
I found something to watch that involved music and was able to "isolate" from what wanted to be fed.
It is a catch 22. Usually to isolate from the pain, I have to isolate from where I find my joy. I usually have to be in limbo.

This place is the refudge. I hope to someday, skip and hop, around in a field someday with you as we sing our souls songs.

I checked my blood pressure and it was off the charts after the "scene" where I felt suddenly no value.
Again, thus I came here and found this. I am in amazement that I matter to a person that I have never "met", yet, who cares to know me , while I am in fear of what this gathering here at this residence is "up to" like before. A story to tell sometime.

I have continued up until now and it is half past midnight to only ingest the one beer per hour. It came a little close, because, "it" is raging for attention, because it thrives on this quick sand of a foundation to take the life that struggles to stay surfaced.

I drank a little faster, because, actually the hour seems to go so fast, that I will notice it is 44 minutes into the hour and I have ingested only half. That is the disorder. Confuse even the clairty.
I notice when I drank a little faster that "it" gained a little momentum. Interesting to this experience, for myself. It "raged" a little, like a kicking ,spoiled, neglected , infant.
I just breathed in the awarness and simmered on the realization at how complex this disorder is?

What delicate instruments we are.
My guitar is so out of tune as I have neglected for such a time.
Yet, I am not sure if it is the strings that need some adjustment to get the right tone
or is the room I take it to without the proper acoustics to enhance its natural sound.

It is complex, but, definitive.

I hope to stayed tune
and be with you again~

[Blue Sky]

TheMe2Be

:lTheme2be

Wishing you find the peace within.

[Cinders]

TheMe2Be

hope to stayed tune
and be with you again~
__________________

I hope you will be with us again, too. You are loved.

Cindi

[DeeBee]

TheMe2Be

Sending you thoughts of strength and love Theme.

[Beaches]

TheMe2Be

Thinking of you Theme and sending you peace and strength.

[Going Strong]

TheMe2Be

Karen I LOVE YOU! I would love you to help me!
need somenoe to hold my hand!
You are in my thoughts today!
Take Care

[42cat]

TheMe2Be

Thank you so much for sharing yourself like that. I recently tapered using beer myself.

I love the way you write ... beautiful ... I can feel it ... relate to it ... understand it as if it were myself ... as I know we all can.

Please keep writing about your journey. I hope you know it helps us as much as it helps you.

** hugs ** and peace to you.

[polaryzed]

TheMe2Be

Dear Theme2Be

I agree, you have an amazing way with words. If you are not a novelist or writer, dear Lord ' You should be '!

Great that you are tapering, me too and have improved so much since finding MWO and reading so many stories about this struggle we all have to endure.

If I may, here are a few words from some of your prior posts . . .

"I listen, constantly hopefull".

"I make attempts again and again.
I am somebodys, friend, companion, lover, , sister, aunt, niece and more".

"Dear Ones"
"You are a one and only you, valuable escorts to the open minded ideas of hope.

Together we join with a presence so original. Companions are we company during the agony.

Afflicted with this nevertheless, we join in union of spirit - scattered yet we gather.

We are a gathering of clarity.

I sense a clearing on the horizon ~ It is adorned with assurance and acceptance".

These are your words from a prior post and beautifully written I might add and There IS ALWAYS HOPE . . . :l

You truly do have some wonderful friends in this forum, of that I have no doubt.

Be Well Theme, best of the best to you and everyone . . . :l