Selfishness and Bad Choices

[caysea]

Hi All
I was just reading someone else's tread about drinking and driving and an accident. The most dangerous thing we do each day is get behind the wheel and drive.I remember waking up when I was drinking and thinking I was lucky i wasn't stopped by the police last night I would have gotten a DWI.What kind of thinking is that, not considering what I could have done to someone else.I was worried about the ramifications of a DWI.That could have been the least of my problems.I can see now how warped my thinking became because of al. The selfishness of our addiction carries over into ever aspect of our lives.My inner core was so effected meaning my decision making and I didn't realize it.Just about everything was planned with the thought of having access to drinking.It wasn't until al was slowly pushed out of my life did I start to realize the total consuming effect it had over me.
Selfishness I now recognize as one of the biggest aspects of being an alcoholic.Al becomes the most important thing in our life's. It jumps up in front of our relationships ,jobs,children,and everything else we thought was the most important parts of our lives.
I now want to add to others happiness. I don't want to be the cause of their sorrows. With al in my life I couldn't step back and think like this. Since becoming sober I no longer have to consider the bad choices that goes along with drinking.When drinking they didn't even seem bad.Now they can't even be considered.It is not just coming out of the fog of al it is returning back to considering others .

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[rudemama]

Selfishness and Bad Choices

I hear your message. You are a model. thank you rudemama

[cacky]

Selfishness and Bad Choices

Caysea; getting a DUI is a gift. the alternative and i would have done it was either going to kill me or someone else. In AA meetings, i hear stories of folks who thank the cops for giving them a DUI. They believe that if that hadn't happened then they feel like they could have killed someone.

[LVT25]

Selfishness and Bad Choices

Caysea,

So many times I've felt the same as you. When I was younger I would wake up in the morning and check to see if my car was home--not remembering driving! I have been lucky so many times I can't even count. Even when I was married to a major alcoholic and I worried about him drinking and driving all the time--after we divorced--I did the same.
As I got older I only tried to drink and drive if I wasn't TOO drunk--especially if I had my kids with me. How effing stupid thinking is THAT!!
I have lost too many friends to drinking and driving--we know it happens--why do we think it can't happen to us. Are we better drunk drivers than others? My wake up call was a year ago when hubby and I drank in the bar all afternoon and drove home (separately). I should not have been driving--and found out the next day the cops had road checks set up right after we left town. I can't imagine how devastating that would have been to have both of us thrown in jail--lost licenses--big fines--not to mention the humiliation for us and the kids.
Luckily I decided it was time to get honest with myself and admit I had no control over al. I too see it as a gift and quite possibly my last chance.
Unfortunately, my husband continues to kid himself like you describe in my opinion anyway. I don't know if he sees it that way or not--I don't think so. He thinks since he works hard he DESERVES to drink. I'm having a real hard time right now "accepting the things I cannot change". But, that is a subject for another thread if I choose.
Thanks for writing this today--I am kicking around the idea that if I want my marriage to be "happy" and if I want my husband to spend time with me, I'm going to have to stop trying to beat him and join him.

[ready2change]

Selfishness and Bad Choices

Caysea, I'm thinking perhaps you read the post from me in the weekly AA thread? I will reiterate it if it can save one life from the possible disaster that can be caused by drinking and driving. Remember folks, once we pour AL down our throats, we lose all sense of judgement and make BAD decisions, including driving. When sober, we may swear up and down that we will never drink and drive, but can we abide by that once AL has taken his power over our intentions?

Last week, Oprah did a show on spirituality. That in itself was awesome, I hope some of you got to see it. One segement was a clip of a previous show about a young woman who had been hit by a drunk driver. This young woman was severely burned (understatement) over most of her body, including her beautiful face. She was very difficult to look at, it was so catastrophic. Oprah showed a picture of her before the accident and she was a beautiful young woman full of promise. Oprah asked her if she wished she had died in the accident, and she replied "No, I still have too many things I want to do with my life!!"...and she added she doesn't allow herself more than 5 minutes a day for self pity. What courage this young woman has...and what a lovely spirit that keeps her moving forward. I cried and cried, thanking God and whoever kept me from ever hurting anyone like that during all the times I lost my better judgement and decided to drive after drinking.

How sobering that was for me...if AL enters my brain, I see that young woman in my mind and tell AL to go straight to hell.

R2C

[cacky]

Selfishness and Bad Choices

I watched the Oprah show. She said that she gives herelf 5 minutes a day to cry and that is it. we just have to see how lucky we really are.

[brittzak]

Selfishness and Bad Choices

I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I have been the person driving drunk and a person effected by someone that chose to drive drunk. I can tell you I am very grateful I never killed anyone....but, who wouldn't be. However, my family suffered horribly. The worry I caused, the fear they suffered......no I didn't kill anyone, but my children worried, my Mama worried, my friends worried...I caused a lot of pain by my choice. And I can not express to you the pain my family felt when we lost our loved one because of his choice to drive drunk. Had he not drove drunk that day, he would still be alive today. Our lives were forever changed. There are scars on our hearts that will never heal. ALL BEACAUSE OF ALCOHOL!!!!!!

[cacky]

Selfishness and Bad Choices

My kids, called 911 once to avoid getting in the car with me. They are 10. Now they get in the car with me. What kind of craziness is that. A few months ago i took my kids to the park(we walked) i was totally sober which i always am in front of the kids now. we got caught walking back in a terrible storm. 6 months ago i would have been part of the problem. At that time i was part of the solution. My neighbor who was with us had stomach problems and couldnt keep up with us so i ran with her kids and mine. If i had been drinking i would have caused more drama to the situation. I realized at that time that my kids were terrified of the storm but in the past they have been terrorized by me and my drinking and driving. that was really eyeopening for me. i dont drink and drive even if i drink

[caysea]

Selfishness and Bad Choices

Hi all
Ready ---it was your post that made me think back to the bad choices I had made in the past. Other people's lives could have been really affected by my selfishness. I sit here and shake my head remembering. This is the power of this site to reinforce in us alcoholics why we can't drink.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[brittzak]

Selfishness and Bad Choices

Driving is just one of the many many many stupid things I have done...my God how many times have you cooked something late at night? I could've burnt the house down. Lord knows I was in no shape to cook. I could have killed my whole family. Every time you hurt yourself and your loved ones see the bruises...they suffer too. They wonder....will she/he fall one day and never get back up? You are not just killing yourself with alcohol...you are killing little pieces of the hearts of your loved ones. People love you and care for you and hope you are going to be around to love.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Selfishness and Bad Choices

Hi Caysea,
....'There,but for the grace of God , go I ' ........as the old saying goes
Whatever guardian angel was protecting me and my kids, I thank you.
I just felt as if I'd been slapped reading this today. Even if it IS 'just round the corner' it's always too far away to drive if you're drunk.
Imagine if we'd hurt or killed someone, or our kids ? Bloody hell I'm glad that part of my life is over.
Bridget

[LVT25]

Selfishness and Bad Choices

I think this is the story R2C was talking about:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OBBqe6Wo1c&feature=related[/video]]YouTube - Jacqueline Saburido: The Whole Story

[cacky]

Selfishness and Bad Choices

LV. thanks for putting that out there. i cant stop crying watching.

[DeeBee]

Selfishness and Bad Choices

There is a powerful message to be shared here -- thank you!

I too have on occasion driven home after drinking, thinking "oh, it's just around the corner". My eye-sight is terrible at night and to top it off I'm drunk!! What makes me think I'm invincible when I've had a couple -- it's this craziness which would wake me up at 3am panicking about what I had or hadn't done the night before.

I had words with my BF finally last weekend about her drinking and driving with her daughter in the car (she's 5) AND not using a seat-belt.
She is in a place that I have crawled out of, and I can only pray that she'll see the light soon.

Wow LV -- thanks for that link -- I am in tears listening to him say that "anyone can make the mistake of drinking and driving -- you don't have to be an alcoholic or a trouble maker -- just one drink is too many"!!

[CS04]

Selfishness and Bad Choices

When Jacqui Saburido was first on Oprah (the original episode was more about her story; on the show she met the mother of the young man who had been driving that night), it was the anniversary of my own DUI (now 14 years ago). She was from Venezuela studying English at a university in Texas -- ESL is what I teach. After Jacqui's story, there was another story about a man who, in his rush to work, forgot to drop off his son at daycare, left his child in the car all day and the child died. As I was watching that story, they showed clips from the hospital; I recognized the hospital logo as the same one where my husband used to work. This episode touched my life in so many ways, I was completely freaked out. If that's not a message, I don't know what is.