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**42cat** · June 23, 2009, 04:32 PM

boy that didn't take long!

Hey loopy ... My answers may sound way too simplistic (or possibly too difficult) ... I don't work in a drink-pressured atmosphere, so I'm totally not qualified here. Just wanted to mention these couple of options, just in case they might work for you:

One... There's always the ol' (easier said than done) "just say no" option ... Your reasons could be.. you're on a health kick, watching your weight, fessing up to alcoholism .. or whatever you're comfortable saying ... (Now, I'm referring to "pressures" from others, as opposed to fighting your own cravings, physical and/or emotional addiction to booze, etc., which another matters, and may or may not be more difficult to deal with).

Two... Another option that comes to mind (and one that I'd probably use myself, if I found myself in that situation) might be to go the "sneaky" route .. and sip on a glass of wine for hours .. or fake a drink refill after ditching the original in a plant (lol) .. or whatever might work in your situation.

And, you might find observing others getting buzzed themselves to actually be amusing

... Plus, once they're buzzed, they probably won't notice that you're not.

Hope all goes well.

**cacky** · June 23, 2009, 04:35 PM

boy that didn't take long!

loopy, im in the same boat. alot of my job is networking which is done over drinks. i have recently been able to drink within acceptable limits but only just within. i just met with a woman today over a non drinking lunch who i developed a contact with over a month ago while having drinks during an event. we made huge progress on an issue that i dont know that i would have made had we not met and socialized. and im sorry we would not have socialized otherwise.

Im not sure where to go or how to behave either

**loopy234** · June 23, 2009, 05:08 PM

boy that didn't take long!

yes i will have to be clever - certainly i have the ability so many years making up excuses:} i had hoped to put that behind me but realize i may need to utilize that talent a bit longer - at least it will be for the good and not the bad which hopefully won't feel so awful.

cacky, it seems you and i are very similar lets keep it going and see if we can figure out just what the path is. i know complete avoidance of socializing is not in the cards -it is my work i am an SVP and what that really means is entertain, entertain, entertain... probably why i picked this career 15 plus years ago it allowed me to be social and of course drink at the drop of a hat. i really just want to get some time under my belt - long enough to gain the strenght i need. i like the idea of saying health kick that is tru and i am also a vegetarian who works out a lot.... so this is viable funny i take such care of myself in every other way. speaks to the pull of alcohol.

**cacky** · June 23, 2009, 05:15 PM

boy that didn't take long!

Loopy, im the same way. i eat very well. last year i went to a rehab and had an antioxidant test. i scored well above normal. way way above people who abuse AL. the nutritionist was shocked but i am in some ways ..a healthy alcoholic. I look very young for my age. anyway...i have to be very focused when i am out with partners. i have to admit i am way to focused on how much i am drinking but at least i am not grabbing the bottle of wine and dumping it in my glass all the time which was my old MO.

anyway good luck and keep in touch

**Sharky** · June 23, 2009, 05:27 PM

boy that didn't take long!

Loopy and Cacky-

Exact same position I'm in. Constant entertaining. We actually used to joke that "we drink for a living". On my way to a work/client happy hour meeting. Normally my mind set would be to catch the quick buzz then let it take it's course - most times not good.

Today I'm going in with the notion that I'll have Club Soda to start then nurse a (one) margarita. I've tried this before and people seem to respect this. Alot of razing and peer pressure but... I also have been a work out freak and get up super early to work (except when) I'm too hungover so this is a good reason.
I tend to get in more trouble on the weekends or work trips where I loose all discipline and lead the charge for "one more". I need to change that mind set as well.
Good luck!

**cacky** · June 23, 2009, 05:37 PM

boy that didn't take long!

Sharky, good luck. ive stopped drinking before meetings so that helps.

**Sharky** · June 23, 2009, 05:42 PM

boy that didn't take long!

That does help. I've always been one to have few before going out or going to client events - which needs to stop as well.

On my way and feel confident - hope I can stick to my word.

Thanks for the note and good luck!

**loopy234** · June 23, 2009, 06:47 PM

boy that didn't take long!

thanks guys i am feeling better (more hopeful) than earlier but i swear i have received two more invites for Friday lunches - with the specific intent of my vendors being so we can drink!

sharky are you trying to mod or nothing? i have tried to mod and it has never worked so i finally had to face the fact that i am an alcoholic and can't drink - hard to do

**DeeBee** · June 24, 2009, 01:56 AM

boy that didn't take long!

Hi Loopy,

One thing I have learnt is that people who drink heavily WANT to hang around other people who do too -- they need one another to make them feel better about what they are doing. So it's not so strange that you are getting the invites.

I remember going to my first work function when I was AF and I just said, NO THANKS when offered a drink. Do you know that no-one raised an eyebrow or even offered me a second time. It still amuses and amazes me just how many people in the world there are that just don't drink AL.

If that doesn't work then the ole faithful excuse of you're on antibiotics works a treat.

**Guitarista** · June 24, 2009, 07:05 AM

boy that didn't take long!

Hi Loopy,
You say you know you can't moderate?..Ok, that's one question answered and put to rest, so no need to go down that road again. Good. I used to have an 'exit plan'. I'd go and do my job, (play music in an al environment) keep busy during proceedings, have a ginger ale, lime and soda, coke, water, whatever nearby. They can all look like alcoholic drinks in the right glass/slice of lemon, etc...But, the exit plan had to be pre-organised in my head. (this can apply to social occassions/networking in bar's/parties, anywhere) I would always drive myself, so i wouldn't have to hang around at the whim of other's, or i'd get too anxious. Have an excuse, like you've got to leave now, as i need to go home and meditate before bed, or get up early, study, must do research, work to do, learning a language to improve myself, need some rest, as i'm up early jogging/meditating/reading, walking my dog.....anything! So, i'd go to an event, and just leave when i started to feel a bit anxious/uncomfortable, but i always had a good little excuse that i couldn't be caught out on. You could also tell the truth, but a lot of people wouldn't understand, and you might put pressure on yourself. You could also just say NO. I know it may be work, but i'm sure you are sharp enough to seperate the 'useful to you' meetings/lunches etc, and the 'not so useful to me'. Be ruthless in your acceptance/selection of engagements. This is your quality of life we are talking about, your health. What does your health, your life mean to you? You choose. Get a few 'exit plan's', and go to your networking grog gatherings, but get in there, focus, do the work/networking, get what you came for, cut to the chase, and get out. Leave 'em screaming for more!
Best wishes, and you can do it............G.

**cacky** · June 24, 2009, 07:46 AM

boy that didn't take long!

Guitarista,

I have sort of the same motto now. I used to be the person who stayed the longest and i assume today that by the time i left people were saying "oh its about time she left". now i leave early and my motto is "id rather leave with people wanting me to stay than leave with people wanting me to leave"

**Sharky** · June 24, 2009, 10:47 AM

boy that didn't take long!

Loopy-

I am trying to mod. Totally agree with guitar that you have to have a pre-arranged thought process and the exit strategy. This 'most' times works. like you and cacky, I have a lot of these drinking situations which are very fun and great for business but I'm learning that I need to be more in control (i thought I was but - memory loss and comments tell me I'm not). I've done a couple of these situations where I simply didn't drink - much concern from everyone but they accepted it and quickly forgot as they got trashed. It also made me notice that most others don't drink nearly what I thought - some more than I thought, I usually never noticed. The exit strategy works well all part of the pre arrnged plan. Keep in mind it doesn't always work but it definitely helps!
Good luck!

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