Just in case we needed a reminder of how AL effects our children.
I just received this email from my daughter. She was at her father's last night. This is the last straw for me. This beautiful child of mine (or is she a child? what a little old soul) has had to grow up too fast and deal with the gut-wrenching effects of F@#$%&g AL long enough and she is only 12! This letter is a final wake up call to me, too. Even though I didn't drink around her, I did when she was gone. What if something happened at her Father's and I was drunk. FU AL!! You are outta here!!
She was brave enough to send this to her father. She said she started just writing in her journal, but then decided to send it to him. She was sacred, but I told her she did the right thing. I am very proud of her! But she is so young - it just breaks my heart that she even has to deal with this.
__________________________________________________ _____________________
dear journal,
Last night was a rough one. the day started out great, but it was all down hill from there. My dad, step mom, my friend and I went to the lake house. We had a good day out in the water. My friend and I learned a lesson to always wear a life jacket when you are on a surfboard and never go out to far and watch where you are.
After that we went home to the ranch. Everything was okay. My friend and I rode the four-wheeler but it ran out of gas so we had to go home and fill up the tank. All of a sudden we see my step mom take off. She yells out the window; "I'll be right back!". We were wondering what was happening so we go inside and ask my dad. They both had been drinking so that didn't make matters any better. I ask my dad why my step mom left and he said that they had been fighting and that he was going in to town to get some cigarettes and that made me mad. I told him I didn't want him to go and that it was a bad idea. He got upset and took me outside and gave me a talk of how I cant be giving him attitude. He told me to go eat my dinner and go to bed.
So that upset me. We go inside and I sit down with my friend and start eating. He was doing things in the kitchen and kept going in and out of the house. He went into the big house and me and my friend went outside to see if my step mom was back, and she was. She also was in the big house. Then we see my dad coming so we rush inside, but about two minutes later no one comes inside, so we go outside and the car isnt there. We go into the big house and my step mom was sitting in there. I told her good night and left. She could tell I wasnt very happy so she came inside.
So then I called my mom because I was really unhappy because my dad left. I was really worried about him. My mom said that if we wanted we could have my friend's mom come pick us up. My dad had my mom's car so she couldn't get us. (MM- they had my car to take DD to a softball tournement as I have the SUV with extra kid seats - talk about feeling helpless!!!) So we go talk to my step mom and asked her if she would be unhappy if we had my friend's mom come and get us she said that everything would be okay and that we could just stay here. My mom called back and I told her that everything would be okay.
So I go out to the living room and my step mom and my friend got a movie playing. we all sat on the couch and watched the movie. I had a hard time consentrating on the movie because i was worried about my dad because he still wasnt home. Then he came in the door. I was really relieved and so I went into the kitchen to give him a hug and tell him good night. So I did and he said good night and pushed me away. That made me feel really bad because i was all worried for him and all he does is push me away when I try to be nice. I probably shouldnt even said good night but i did.
So he got the wine and went into the big house. He stayed there over night witch really made me mad and sad because they couldnt even try to figure it out for one night while I was there. I was really embarrased too because all of this was happening in front of my friend. I know i didnt do anything but for some reason I feel guilty.
Im still worried about them. And now I cant go there for a while until they figure it out and stop drinking and fighting in front of me. They have been fighting a lot lately. I don't know what to think. I know there is nothing I can do but its so hard because I love them both so much. But im to a point were i dont even want to go anymore because Im so tired of them drinking and it really makes me feel bad. I wish i could tell them this but I don't want to put myself in a position were I can't defend myself.
And to make matters worse my mom won't stop saying things like well you aren't going until they can figure it out because what they are doing is stupid. And i know its true but it hurts to hear that. If i told my dad this stuff then he would probably think I was stupid.
Its so hard to talk to them about the feelings I have about this. I try to talk to them when they are actually drinking and fighting but it doesnt get through to them because the alchohol makes it so they dont even remember. But if I talk to them when they are sober they just think Im being too sensitive or that I dont need to be getting into there buisness. But i do because it's my buisness too because it affects me just as much/more than it does to them.
I wish i could send this to them but I know they would get mad. But im going to send it to my mom so that she can know my exact feelings and maybe she can explain it to them better. But I hate to do that because Im almost hiding behind my mom and making her talk to them when I should be talking to them....
well thats what thet would say anyway. Anyway thanks for listening I really needed to get this out. idk what to do.
I just received this email from my daughter. She was at her father's last night. This is the last straw for me. This beautiful child of mine (or is she a child? what a little old soul) has had to grow up too fast and deal with the gut-wrenching effects of F@#$%&g AL long enough and she is only 12! This letter is a final wake up call to me, too. Even though I didn't drink around her, I did when she was gone. What if something happened at her Father's and I was drunk. FU AL!! You are outta here!!
She was brave enough to send this to her father. She said she started just writing in her journal, but then decided to send it to him. She was sacred, but I told her she did the right thing. I am very proud of her! But she is so young - it just breaks my heart that she even has to deal with this.
__________________________________________________ _____________________
dear journal,
Last night was a rough one. the day started out great, but it was all down hill from there. My dad, step mom, my friend and I went to the lake house. We had a good day out in the water. My friend and I learned a lesson to always wear a life jacket when you are on a surfboard and never go out to far and watch where you are.
After that we went home to the ranch. Everything was okay. My friend and I rode the four-wheeler but it ran out of gas so we had to go home and fill up the tank. All of a sudden we see my step mom take off. She yells out the window; "I'll be right back!". We were wondering what was happening so we go inside and ask my dad. They both had been drinking so that didn't make matters any better. I ask my dad why my step mom left and he said that they had been fighting and that he was going in to town to get some cigarettes and that made me mad. I told him I didn't want him to go and that it was a bad idea. He got upset and took me outside and gave me a talk of how I cant be giving him attitude. He told me to go eat my dinner and go to bed.
So that upset me. We go inside and I sit down with my friend and start eating. He was doing things in the kitchen and kept going in and out of the house. He went into the big house and me and my friend went outside to see if my step mom was back, and she was. She also was in the big house. Then we see my dad coming so we rush inside, but about two minutes later no one comes inside, so we go outside and the car isnt there. We go into the big house and my step mom was sitting in there. I told her good night and left. She could tell I wasnt very happy so she came inside.
So then I called my mom because I was really unhappy because my dad left. I was really worried about him. My mom said that if we wanted we could have my friend's mom come pick us up. My dad had my mom's car so she couldn't get us. (MM- they had my car to take DD to a softball tournement as I have the SUV with extra kid seats - talk about feeling helpless!!!) So we go talk to my step mom and asked her if she would be unhappy if we had my friend's mom come and get us she said that everything would be okay and that we could just stay here. My mom called back and I told her that everything would be okay.
So I go out to the living room and my step mom and my friend got a movie playing. we all sat on the couch and watched the movie. I had a hard time consentrating on the movie because i was worried about my dad because he still wasnt home. Then he came in the door. I was really relieved and so I went into the kitchen to give him a hug and tell him good night. So I did and he said good night and pushed me away. That made me feel really bad because i was all worried for him and all he does is push me away when I try to be nice. I probably shouldnt even said good night but i did.
So he got the wine and went into the big house. He stayed there over night witch really made me mad and sad because they couldnt even try to figure it out for one night while I was there. I was really embarrased too because all of this was happening in front of my friend. I know i didnt do anything but for some reason I feel guilty.
Im still worried about them. And now I cant go there for a while until they figure it out and stop drinking and fighting in front of me. They have been fighting a lot lately. I don't know what to think. I know there is nothing I can do but its so hard because I love them both so much. But im to a point were i dont even want to go anymore because Im so tired of them drinking and it really makes me feel bad. I wish i could tell them this but I don't want to put myself in a position were I can't defend myself.
And to make matters worse my mom won't stop saying things like well you aren't going until they can figure it out because what they are doing is stupid. And i know its true but it hurts to hear that. If i told my dad this stuff then he would probably think I was stupid.
Its so hard to talk to them about the feelings I have about this. I try to talk to them when they are actually drinking and fighting but it doesnt get through to them because the alchohol makes it so they dont even remember. But if I talk to them when they are sober they just think Im being too sensitive or that I dont need to be getting into there buisness. But i do because it's my buisness too because it affects me just as much/more than it does to them.
I wish i could send this to them but I know they would get mad. But im going to send it to my mom so that she can know my exact feelings and maybe she can explain it to them better. But I hate to do that because Im almost hiding behind my mom and making her talk to them when I should be talking to them....
well thats what thet would say anyway. Anyway thanks for listening I really needed to get this out. idk what to do.
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