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[hdb]

pfffffff i have had a drink again - bit poo that i know, i have work tomorrow to and i am so so so so tired i can't tell you :upset:

i am very tired of running around this loop of be good be bad .. be a little good be very bad.. you know when i first tried alchohol at 17 and 3/4 i hated it!!! i used to leave drink after drink after drink, trying all different types until i eventualy manged to convince myself it tasted good!

Anyway i am now 37 and seem to have done a pretty good job of turning around mty dislike of alchohol!

Does anyone else blame their jobs ..... jobs, lost my poor beautiful brother to suicide, lsot my husband to my best friend when my baby daughter was 4 months old (now probably the best thing that happened to me!!) ...I need some time away I have lost that fight - I earn a very good wage for a very resposible job - but i am tired i cannot be assed anymore.... does anyone feel that way and i do feel absolutely terrible for saying that in the current climate i really do but i am sick and tired of doing this ... maybe at 37 i am hitting a midlife crisis - i'll be buying a convertable next!!! what shall i do? i am f00k4d :upset:

I am tired of fighting this, so tired of dissapointing myself ...sh1t i cant go in tommorow so what do i do - has anyone managed to get time away? i need to heal without the really really tying job - i am not askin for social benefit health i will pay for mysef i just need a month away from everything xx

[startingover]

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hdb, have you considered asking for some extended leave? I know the company I used to work for would agree to it in certain circumstances.
I used to have a very well paid but stressful job too, I know how it can exacerbate drinking episodes.
I was lucky I was made redundant this year. Time to re-evaluate my life and finances has been wonderful to aid my recovery.
It sounds like you are burned out, please make a decision to give yourself a little time. If you dont, it could lead to a breakdown.
Take care hdb

[tiptronic_ct]

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I smell burnout and depression here, hdb.

But there is a way out of the darkness and helplessness.

Have you given any thought to setting specific goals for yourself (worklife, AL-wise etc) and writing them down or posting it here? I know it's different for everyone here on MWO, but I found that doing that helped me to then set a plan for each day (ODAT / baby steps) to help me work towards my goals.

Before that, it was all just too big and scaty, and I thought I didn't have it in me to even take the 1st step.

Good luck - we're all rooting for you!

Tip

[Popeye]

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hdb,
You can break this loop. It's not easy as you know but it can be done. I had to change my whole way of thinking about drink. Not in a way that I was fooling myself, but in a way that revealed the truth about it. It's not my friend. It doesn't make everything bad go away. It's a liar and a thief. I let it steal so much time.
To me, a job's just a way of earning a living so that you can do things you want with the money and if you find one that you enjoy then you're lucky.
Since quitting I have taken the decision to live a more relaxed life. I just started a new job. It's not a hard job but I have had to start out at the bottom of the food chain again and there is a pressure for speed and accuracy. I know how fast I can do this job accurately so that is the speed I work at. My many bosses come round now and again as bosses do, and tell me the impossible needs done by "X" o'clock or else the world will collapse in on itself, but I can only do so much, so that is what I do. I take my work seriously, as I'm selling my labour to someone and I feel obliged to give them their money's worth, but I'm not going to let it ruin the rest of my life. I've not always had this attitude. I worried about everything, but kept it bottled up and my worries would play on my mind until I couldn't deal with them.
If you can get control of your drinking the benefits to you and those around you will be immense.
Good luck.

[hdb]

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me again

Hi start tip opal & popeye

Thank you so much for your wonderful advice and support :l :l

I am relatively new to this job (7months) and we are quite short staffed for the work we do as it pretty specialised... plus the company, altho very large, is going through a huge money squeezing excercise so we are most definately not going to recruit new staff. I am burnt out - totally, my home is a reflection of my mind and its a reall tip (clean tip ... but a tip no less!!). I wish I could wave a magic wand and have 6 weeks away from work, the house and resposibility :upset:

My hubby just got paid half his usual this month due to his company going under so the possibility of taking it easy isn't an option.... I need to do this the hard way and cut out drinking so I can address all that needs to be addressed. I wish I lived by someone who I could talk to - but saying that I am emencly emencly grateful for this site.

Oh I am tired, sick and tired :upset: I am at home today (working - pah!) got oooooodles today but my head just won't do it. I write it in my outlook, i plan what I need to do - do I do it??? do I heck as like. Honestly I swear my head has never felt like this - you know I used to be looking at the next rung on the career ladder when I had only just stepped on the one below...

Oh I am proper sick of this :upset

Very very sorry for moaning when you have your own problems - and I am extremely grateful to be employed and feel so very very badly for people who have been made redundant... I just wish that I could stop time and be on my own for six weeks with no alchohol - get my head almost straight and then come back and be the determined person I used to be - I swear I wouldn't recognise her if I fell over her!!!!! Even my whinning is getting on my nerves.

[tiptronic_ct]

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Hey, HDB

That's what we're here for - to provide a shoudler for you to cry on.

It's good to share these feelings and frustrations - just talking about it to others here on the site will make the situation seem less scary.

We're rooting for you!!!

Tip

[hdb]

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Thanks tip i just need to pull up those boot straps and get on with it - you just sometimes get so sick of doing it though don't you?

[tiptronic_ct]

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Yup - one does.

But you're not going to let past experiences drag you down, are you???

ODAT, babysteps, remember?

[hdb]

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Nope I won't - onwards and upwards starting tomorrow ! Going to make myself a plan and stick myself to it like glue! As I am tired of feeling so darn tired and :yuk: Have a good day (altho that may be night) and ty :l

[scrubbly]

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HDB - I am thinking...when you are doing AF, are you just trying it on willpower alone? Are you doing any of the recommended supplements? Have you gotten the My Way Out book to read and review? Have you considered trying the Topamax or one of the other prescriptions to help you get some AF time going?

Sounds like you have so many other stressors, that "white-knuckling" the alcohol business right now might really be an unrealistic expectation. What about even getting some of the herbal help, like the L-Glutamine, the Kudzu, the other vitamins going, even if you don't to the RX stuff?

Oh, and you clearly need one of these too... :l

[puddytat]

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I managed to get 2 mos. away without pay from my hi-pay, hi-stress job 5 yrs ago. Threatened to quit -- and they wanted to know how they could keep me.

Did well for 2 mos, but return to job meant return to stress, and triggers, ... didn't last for me. But could for you.

[Becky]

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Hiya!

Good luck HDB

Remember to put sobrietry first in front of everything else, it works!

[hdb]

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thank you scrubbly puddy and becky, I have my vits on order, some are coming from the States, dispatched on the 16th but still don't have them and I was hoping to start them all together. May have to ditch that plan and hit what I have already.

Ih i wish I could do what you have done puddy, can I take you into my meetings tomorrow and tell the to gimme a bit of slack? I know I need time off to mend, I have plasters holding me together and they are not sticking to well at the moment.

Thanks for all your good wishes, I don't know how to get out of this mess, I really don't. I would happily accept staying off with no pay but how would i possibly approach this with work, I am at my wits end.

[Popeye]

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hdb,
Don't ever feel that you can't come here and moan, or vent or get anything off your chest that you feel you want to. I must have bored a few people rigid with some of my posts but that's why we do it. To have them aired. Sometimes the simple act of writing a post can put something in a more realistic and managable perspective. Also there will be others here who in a similar situation who can relate.
It's easy for me to say, but please try and relax a little. Things are weighing heavy for you and even five minutes in a quiet room to just breathe will help you a little and every little helps, it really does.
Good luck with your plan.

[sparrow]

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Hi Hdb,
I hope you are feeling a little better, dont be so hard on yourself, we all feel burned out and hopeless sometimes.You need to take care of yourself get plenty of rest, do something nice for youeself. it sounds like you are working really hard and carring alot of responsibility. If you feel really depressed get some help so you can feel better, I went on some meds for a while just because I needed some a little extra help getting out of a bad loop.
Whatever it is Al wont make it better its just a mirage. I only have 21 days AF but I knew this even when I was drinking. I always thought it would make me feel better but it only made it worse.
Good Luck
Sparrow