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**tiptronic_ct** · July 1, 2009, 06:38 AM

Note to self :-)

Heya, Wavey

Go back to the night you told me you weren't going to throw the rest of the 2nd bottle away and you scoffed at me...

Ask yourself again: how badly do you want it?

Do you have a goal or goals in mind, over and above finding a girl and the general concept of cleaning up your act?

If so, have you written down a daily plan setting out how you're going to achieve it?

Are you following more or less the same patterns every day? If so, what can you do to break habits and patterns?

Have you read the toolbox thread yet?

And no, this is not 20 questions :-)

Good luck - you can depend on support here.

**Waving_not_drowning** · July 1, 2009, 06:48 AM

Note to self :-)

Tip, cheers for throwing your opinion in :-)

I appreciate it..

And yes I remember and quote "There will be no tipping my wine down the sink Tonight"

Drunken, compulsive behaiviour (Can't spell sober either)

Seriously, I'm struggling, after doing so well for 3 months...I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be free...

**Waving_not_drowning** · July 1, 2009, 06:54 AM

Note to self :-)

You are right though..

I need a plan...

I'm going to book in with my GP (again)

He's happy to see me once a week just to ask "how are you doing?"

Taper me off the diazepam and just have a chat about surfing...He's really cool...I'd forgotten that...

**tiptronic_ct** · July 1, 2009, 06:57 AM

Note to self :-)

Yes, you can (apologies to Obama)!!!

Have you considered the bac-bandwagon, as I'm intending to (my order should arrive this weekend - yay)?

I've tapered quite successfully, but I'm sh*t-scared for that final AF step. So I'm going to use all the tools we have at our disposal.

You just need to WANT it badly enough.

I dunno about you, but I've lost out on so much time being blacked out or so drunk that I don't really know what is going on. Sober periods every day obsessing about the next drink tonight. Nah - not worth it, is it now?

Not to mention the damage to my body - me liver has taken on a life of its own... I'm actually physically aware of the damn thing. I only sleep on my left side, because the right feels uncomfortable if there is pressure on it - f*cking scary if you think about it carefully.

**Waving_not_drowning** · July 1, 2009, 07:03 AM

Note to self :-)

Mate, my whole stomach, especially the left side is bloated..

I have 6 mates who are Doctors...I know what's going on...

I'm not just fucking up my head..and ruining my life....

**startingover** · July 1, 2009, 07:10 AM

Note to self :-)

Wavey, this is good news.
See your doctor, get face to face support and meds too.
It sounds like you have a plan and that is a great start. When you begin to involve others in your recovery it helps.
You know there is lots of support for you here.
It can be beaten, like Tip says, you just need to want it badly enough.
:l

**tiptronic_ct** · July 1, 2009, 07:14 AM

Note to self :-)

Mmmmmmmm.... I can identify. I knew about these issues years ago... Maybe you should read puddytat's thread on scaring people away from drink again. Ever since posting about my brother's death, the memory of him has been haunting me (no pun intended) - songs playing on the radio, pople with a dry sense of hunour reminds me of him, as does the numerous roadside crosses I pass every day on my to work and back...

Dunno about you, but I'm having to do silly things like not showing the palms of my hands outwards, because they're so red (sign of cirrhosis). I hope your vain - then you might worry about the burst veins on your nose and face... real attractive, het Wavey?

Oops - don't let me get you even more depressed.

I repeat: YOU CAN DO THIS!

**tiptronic_ct** · July 1, 2009, 07:16 AM

Note to self :-)

One other thing: I didn't take supplements seriously in the beginning. Boy, was I wrong - they're a great help, and also assists in limiting further damage while you're tapering. L-glut, b-vits, vit-C, milk thistle, protein shakes... I wonder when DW is going to comment on the pharmacy I have in my bedside drawers.

**gyco** · July 1, 2009, 07:21 AM

Note to self :-)

waves you sound a lot like me a few years ago,the tapering sounds good,while on valium you realise you shouldn't drink at all,ive been in the hospital for Al abuse twice,allso med and Al abuse,and also rehab once, detox once,its the booze doesnt take a genius to figure that out,at 45 i started taken panic attacks,that to the docs was very unusual at my age,i beleive it is a signal from the brain either slow down or quit altogether,or you will surely fall into a vegetation state,or die,very good thread,hope it helps,and wish you well,gyco

**tiptronic_ct** · July 1, 2009, 07:25 AM

Note to self :-)

Gyco - I got my first panic attacks about a year ago (age 38). "Sheer hell" doesn't begin to describe it. I thought I was dying from a heart attack. But even then it wasn't enough to get me to act. It had to come from somewhere deeper in myself.

**Waving_not_drowning** · July 1, 2009, 07:25 AM

Note to self :-)

Cheers GYCO :-)

**Waving_not_drowning** · July 1, 2009, 07:29 AM

Note to self :-)

I've done it all before, scared of getting hooked on Diazepam while sorting the alcohol..

Have to say, I'd prefer taking 5mg of Diazepam every night than drinking a bottle(or two) every night..

It was only a few nights ago I made an Arse of myself on here, because I was drunk..

I really hate who I am when I am drunk..

**Waving_not_drowning** · July 1, 2009, 07:32 AM

Note to self :-)

GYCO...I know all about panic attacks, anxiety and depression...

Was it caused by alcohol or we all just prone to it and used AL as a crutch?

Even the experts can't tell you definitavely..

**tiptronic_ct** · July 1, 2009, 07:34 AM

Note to self :-)

Waving_not_drowning;650713 wrote: I really hate who I am when I am drunk..

Despise
Loathe
Detest
Abhor
Insufferable
Repulsive
..................

Just wanting to reiterate the bad feelings, so you can "get" how good the opposite can be :-)

Shall we start on "shame"?

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