How does one quit without seeing a future

[I need goals!]

I am on day 2 of no drinking and have been reading, especially the long term abstainers area. And the big difference between those who are successful seems to be having a plan, seeing a future. But beyond getting up in the morning and going to work, I have the hardest time motivating myself to do anything like exercise and finding support through friends. I've never tried it before so I guess I wouldn't know but I have such a narrow life and I don't know how to begin having real interests and passions. I want to be someone who considers alcohol a negligible part of their past and while I certainly know I must quit, I don't know how to create a life that I want to live. Do you just do it until you change? The only thing I can see myself actually doing is meditation as I needn't leave the house. How does someone who has never exercised at all get a routine like that? I feel so anxious that I won't make my life worth living. It's pathetic that I want to escape the normal everyday stuff but I must or I'll lose even that. I really do not want to lose my husband and be in some lonely apartment again alone. I would rather end everything.

Sorry this is so damn negative but I am clueless about how to create a life. The only real interest I have is reading which I do so voraciously that it's probably another escape. So anyone who has been where I'm at and actually has a life and interests and goals today, your advice would be much appreciated. How do I get to be someone like Brigid. Her post in the long term abstainers section was so amazing. Lots were but for some reason her post really struck me. I feel so alone in this yet I don't do the work to not be alone. I drive myself crazy. Like a 2 yr old who just wants everything handed to her. How did I get to be 38 like this. I used to motivate myself by proving someone else, dad/aunt, wrong. Well I have no negative forces anymore, except me. How do I prove myself wrong when I'm so unsure of my ability to do it. It's not that I don't know I can quit. I have before. But that was in the face of adversity. I feel so sorry for my poor husband. He married a sober woman and I feel as though I deceived him in some way. So yes I can quit. But can I face a life I don't know how to make? Why do I need to have a struggle to contend with to accomplish anything? Why can't I be proactive? How does one build a life when they have everything they should want? How ridiculous. So yes I promised my husband I would quit so I will. But now I need to live happily with that choice? Without going into details, I've had a lot of childhood trauma. But is that just being a victim to play that card? Buddhism would say the past doesn't exist and everything is perfect just as it is. So why can't I get there. I know things will look brighter when I've had some sleep and a few more days. I can't wait until my first 3 hardest years are up! I had 2 down at one point and I threw is away. AAAHHH! I would have four now. And I might be happy and further along in building a life. I guess what I'm asking is does it just happen? If you stop drinking and look around, do things just suddenly become better and interesting? That sounds amazingly immature but that is where I'm at.

[Cinders]

How does one quit without seeing a future

I need Goals,

I just bumped up a thread. It is called "My new Story Starts here" I quoted the most important page at the bottom of the thread. Just read the last page.

It is DoggyGirl's first attempt, her relapse and now her life after being sober for almost a year.

I hope it inspires you to make some changes.

It has me.

Cindi

Here is a link to the thread. As I said, just go to the last page. https://www.mywayout.org/community/f8...e-7-13043.html

[FallenAngel]

How does one quit without seeing a future

Hello & welcome!
First of all, congratulations on deciding to quit!
If you have been reading posts here on MWO, I'm sure you have seen the phrase ODAT (One Day At a Time)... and that's how we have to do our sobriety, our goals, our life.
Yes, we need to look into our future to see what we want out of our lives & what we need to do to get there, but the real work comes from focusing on the 'now'...this day. If we project too much of our thinking into the future, we not only get overwhelmed by everything we feel we must do, but also, we miss out on living...because all we can do is live in the present moment.
Don't be too hard on yourself right now... stay focused on NOT drinking... think about some goals that you would like to see become a reality, set up a realistic plan, and start out slowly. For me, I now make yearly goals...although it may not seem like I'm getting anywhere when I look at my day-to-day progress, but it's amazing to see the transformation when it is looked back from a year's perspective. Just remember... days add up to weeks, which add up to months, which add up to years. That has been the philosophy I have lived by since I began my journey of recovery....which in a few short weeks will be 3 years
Don't try to do everything at once.... that only sets us up for burn-out. Make your goals realistic, and that way you are sure to have success. You will find that positive changes will start happening to you without you even trying... that's one of the rewards that long-term sobriety blesses us with...we start becoming the person we were always meant to be

[I need goals!]

How does one quit without seeing a future

Thanks to both of you. That was a good reminder. I like to plan and make lists and this is one issue I don't have a plan for so I do get overwhelmed. I'm just so glad those who have gotten a few years into their recovery say it gets less difficult to find peace. I sure hope so. I feel like I still have worlds of growing up to do and not the right tools for the job. But I do want to grow and that can't happen without change. But thank you for sending the link Cindi and FallAngel for your reminder that it is always the present. That really helped to hear.

[free bird]

How does one quit without seeing a future

Hi I Need Goals,

To begin with, it is great that you are here and asking for help, which you knew you needed to do. AND you did it. Mission accomplished....right??

My point is this: Do what you know you need to do today and then do what you know you need to do tomorrow. Take little steps and create reachable goals that you can get to. The same is true for creating an exercise program. Just do what you want and are capable of doing. Slow and steady.

Using the drink tracker and seeing how things add up is very satisfying to some. Little things adding up will be one big thing eventually.

I too found Brigid message life changing and it is one I have reread as I could relate to it too. Maybe some day you will write that story that changes someone's life. It can happen to you too.

Take care and it was great hearing from you.

Free Bird

[FallenAngel]

How does one quit without seeing a future

You have the most valuable tool right now... the desire to make a change

I'll be honest with you, when I quit, I was scared shitless of who I was going to find down the road...I had been drinking my entire adult life, I had no idea who I was without alcohol. I won't lie, there were some rough bumps, change is never easy,,, but then, nothing worthwhile ever is ...but as the months began to pass, I began to feel comfortable in my skin... life started to feel 'normal' being sober all the time...I no longer needed or wanted to be in a fog... and once you get some real sober time under your belt, you will realize that a fog is exactly what we were living in when we drank.
I never thought I was the type of person that could quit drinking, or would want to... but here I am today, happier than I have ever been, and enjoying beyond my wildest expectations, this new sober life. It can happen to you too, and it will... if you give it a chance

[polaryzed]

How does one quit without seeing a future

Hi everyone . . .

:welcome: I Need Goals . . .

I just finished reading your thread and followed up by reading Fallin's attachment from DoggyGirl. I have to say THANX . . . I have to admit, I hear your plight . . . I Need Goals.

I am more Inspired then ever to make some Positive changes . . . I think I have been working this MWO forum rather 'off the cuff' ~ so to speak. For some reason until now, it did not occur to me to read The Abstainers portion of this forum by George am I going to be busy for the next little while.

And since I love writing and journalling I will be certain to begin a New Plan.

As always thanx ppl. here at MWO, you have Made My Day once again . . . :l

[42cat]

How does one quit without seeing a future

Hi .. nice to meet you. I am kind of like you in a way - I'm a huge list-maker (I think that started because of my drinking - otherwise I'd forget to do things - lol) ... and I am the type who really needs to see what's coming, what to expect, to have something to look forward to or to work toward, etc.

I, too, have a rather narrow'ish life. I don't have real hobbies, aside from little ones such as doing the newspaper puzzles daily, and crocheting or cross stitch when I'm in the mood. I don't go out much. I hate the gym, I feel silly exercising in front of a DVD, and I get bored and lose interest way too easily in lots of things.

That said, I did what some of the others have suggested ... One day at a time, and little changes at a time. When I was going through my 1st week (tapering off and going through withdrawals after a long time of morning-to-night rum/vodka and coke), I started walking around the block - 5 to 10 minutes at a time. It took the edge off the anxiety and gave me a chance to observe the world around me, and to think. That was my first "little change" and I've been doing it every day since I started. I was worried that I wouldn't enjoy life at all sober. I mean, how can one watch a movie without a drink? It can't be done! (Ohhhhh yes it can, and, surprisingly to me, it was just as fun! ... as were so many other things.)

For me, it seems to be falling into place as my head clears and my body heals. Btw, I'm only new to sobriety, and I still allow myself a beer (not every night), and only under very strict rules (between 9-10:00 and never when I'm upset. So far, so good) - I started this only 4 weeks ago yesterday, so I'm still pretty fresh.

Wow, you made it to two years before ... That is wonderful. I haven't done two days since I can remember, let alone months, or years. Very well done - and you know that if you did it before, you can do it again. Maybe you can try to remember how it felt during those two years, what you did, what you enjoyed, etc..... You'll find your way again.

Best wishes to you!

[I need goals!]

How does one quit without seeing a future

Thanks to all of you for your kind words and support. That's what I really need to find right now. I've always been the supporter, never wanting to feel indebted to someone. Only feeling independent if I could go it alone. But here this has landed me. No connections. Frankly, connecting scares me. I don't know how. But desperation can drive one to new measures and I must find a community and learn to give but also accept help. I have such a struggle with not going it alone.

Question for anyone? Do you remember the very first thing that you did or that happened after you decided to quit that made you realize you were changing? That you could do this? Sorry to harp on this point but it helps to hear about what gave you satisfaction, if you can remember. When I quit before, I quit for my then boyfriend, now husband. Not for me. This time I am quitting for him in some respects but also because I know I need to so why not now? I could literally wake up one day and have none of the things that matter to me today. Why because I have them do they suddenly become fixtures that I don't appreciate. Because I sure will appreciate them when they're gone. I'm looking at a stack of books in our library right now and thinking, I won't be sitting in this room even one year from now if I don't bite the bullet. My god, could anything be more clear? I love waking up to my husband's face when he's happy with me. Could anything be greater than when your loved ones are happy with you again? I hate disappointing someone I care for so much. Part of this is that I need to become my own person again. I think I've lost myself in the role of wife and stepmom and dishwasher and laundress.

So anyway, any first satisfying moments after stopping drinking? Some small or big concrete accomplishment that gave you a sense of pride back?

Thanks in advance! You guys are a truly great bunch of people.

[I need goals!]

How does one quit without seeing a future

42cat-
I read your posts about how you've gone about this and I am just amazed. You are one determined person. I know I could never have that kind of resolve. Thanks for posting. I'm glad you are so active on this board. It's so helpful to see all of the ways that this can be done, as long as you are determined (something I'm working on) and using my promise to my husband in the meantime. Actually, that's not really true. I actually do very much want this, I'm just worrying about replacing it. But no one who has quit on this board has ever been sorry! And the longer the better.

[42cat]

How does one quit without seeing a future

Thanks, I Need Goals ... Hey, you said something really important to any of us who have ever had doubts or second thoughts about this process: "... no one who has quit on this board has ever been sorry" ... That really tells a lot, doesn't it!

You asked about sense of accmoplishment / pride. I'm still freshly sober, but one of mine is that I don't have to lie anymore. Sounds simple, but it's also kinda complex:

I mean, for a loooong time, from the moment I woke up, I'd begin to plan my day around drinks... Hiding the noise of gagging or dry heaves... the secret morning drink... quietly mixing and packing a drink for work... making sure I had secretly kept enough of my pay aside to buy more ALcohol... always using cash so as not to leave a "paper trail"... being sure to hit a different liquor store every day so I didn't look like an Alkie... and constantly figuring out how I can slip out of the family room to top up my "normal drink" without drawing attention to myself.... I'm sure I could add more, but you get the idea.

There's a LOTof planning and sneaking that goes into a day like that, and it can really be mentally heavy or challenging, day after day after day. It's ALWAYS there.

Now it's gone. *poof* I am free!

[FallenAngel]

How does one quit without seeing a future

I need goals!;650962 wrote:

Question for anyone? Do you remember the very first thing that you did or that happened after you decided to quit that made you realize you were changing? That you could do this?

Besides pouring a 5 gallon carboy of wine down the drain a couple of days after I quit??? LOL

Hmmm...interesting question. For me I don't think it was any thunderbolt type of 'ah-ha' moment... it was more subtle things, like getting through my first weekend without drinking & realizing that just because it was Friday night didn't mean I had to drink....
going to my first social event & having a good time without alcohol...
but I think the thing that sticks out most in my mind is that I really believed in my heart that I quit for keeps, and no matter what, I was not going to break the promise to myself that I had quit... and so with that firmly in place in my mind, I started to wonder with anticipation of who I was going to be in a year's time...I really was looking forward to meeting that person

[I need goals!]

How does one quit without seeing a future

You know, that's a very good point 42cat. Being devious is a VERY hard line to walk drunk. You sound like you were actually functional for your entire day. Once I'm sick from the night before, I would drink to just be oblivious, only to delay the inevitable. Miss days of work. But that is good to think of when I can take pride in something. I haven't lied in 2 days and I won't have to again. Normally, I can't lie to save my life and wouldn't because nothing else in my life needs to be hidden. And I'm terrible when drunk but I can hide stashes with the best of 'em. It shocks me when I finally sober up. I'm sure my husband hasn't told me all of the horrible stuff. He is a better person that I because if I were in his shoes, I would be very upset. But I'm still frankly amazed that you sound so happy and determined this soon. Very impressive. There's no question in my mind, based on your posts, that you will fail. Or phrased in a better way, there's no question that you will succeed.

[gyco]

How does one quit without seeing a future

hi goals you have stumbled on a very good site,and welcom,you like to read ,i once told my daughter to start reading the rt books,ive never been a reader,for xample,go to the book store and pick up,HEALING THE ADDICTED BRAIN,my wife picked it up for me, 2nd my daughter traded off, she , is yet to pick my book up ,which all give her today,party tonite july the 1st,ADULT CHIDREN OF ALCHOHOICS,last but not least 2 others,ALCHOHOLICS ANNONYMOUS,,this one i read ,cover to cover, AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, I HAVENT READ IT,ROBERTA JEWELS,MY WAY OUT,i dont by on line,and its not in a book store,not where i live, anyways, YET,i hope this helps you, gyco

[IAD]

How does one quit without seeing a future

How does one quit without seeing a future !?!......By remembering your past ! IAD