does this ring a bell?

[flyinhigh]

hey all,

I am writing to you all today with a brief story and a couple of questions. so, here is my story....

I recently ran into a high school sweetheart that since the first day I met him, which was in detention, sweeps me off my feet. I graduated high school 16 years ago. I don't know what happens to me but the look in his eyes and the smile of Eli makes me swoon, the kind of feeling that makes you believe in true love and destiny. We just had a three month relationship that was riddled with drinking and his unruly behavior with AL. It was weird for I drank more sometimes than I wanted but at the same point, I was also more steadfast in my belief of modding than before. Eli has had many drug, AL and law issues in his past, he is my Clyde Barrow. I was not to be his Bonnie, or his Florence Nightengale...but I wanted to help him and/or join in on drinks. His drinking and driving was a MAJOR issue for me and I was not reluctant in making "rules". When I made lines in the sand, for the most part, he would respect them. He was never harmful to me, but quite the opposite, very doting and loving. Our time spent together normally involved AL but it also involved hikes, movies and very stimulating intellectual conversations. After I broke it off, for he did 8 shots of Yager in an hour and a half and got real sloppy while out with my friends after I asked him to not drink too much, I couldn't stop thinking about him. I was cold in my break up and wished that our friendship wasn't affected by this three month love affair. I even went to the pound and rescued a dog to exert my love and care onto. Neli my new pup, notice the likeness of names, didn't fill that void and he still consumed my thoughts. So I called him. Today we took a hike in the woods and we discussed the possibility of him cleaning up his act and being the best possible Eli that I would want to be with. He agrees to this idea and I have this place of belief in him.

So, my questions are..... I can't discern if this is a healthy choice for me or a wrong one for my life? Has anyone here ever felt that strong emotion towards someone that has AL issues while they too struggle with it? Is this a disaster waiting to happen or is it possible for that dream to come true? If anyone has been through, or witnessed a similar story, your advice and insight is more than gladly welcomed.

Thank you
A perplexed Flyin'

[IAD]

does this ring a bell?

Flyin' high.....Ask yourself....( Does he still have the same problems you left him for !?!....... If he does, chances are...not much is going to change. ) I went back to an old girlfriend after breaking up with her......she had gotten married and was seperated, I was in the Army....anyway she had'nt changed, we lasted about 3 months....then I got tired of the same ole' crap. Just be honest with yourself......is this a nastalgic look at the good times you had ( forgetting the bad times.) Or is this for real......( Be true to thy self.....IAD. ) From a Darren to a Sister ! Ha! ......

[42cat]

does this ring a bell?

Hi ... I can't really relate in the exact same way, but I have read a post or two on here of couples doing it together. I think if you're both fully honest and committed - and that you both want to do it each for yourself as much, or even moreso, than for each other - then it could be a positive thing. Think of it as sort of a "buddy system", while keeping an open mind that it may not work out, or be the same as it once was.

But I think you both really should want to make the change for yourselves..... as opposed to trying to change each other or to change in anticipation of an ideal life on the other side.

And, hey, instead of inthinking of it as a big life choice, how about thinking of it as something you're simply going to try out and see, day by day.

Best wishes to you both!

[cacky]

does this ring a bell?

Flyin, It sounds very risky to me. Im not sure how far you are in your quest but AA always recommends that you wait 1 year before you start a new relationship. It sounds like it could be fun but "if you have to ask yourself is something is a good for you then it probably isnt" my AA friends used that on me quite a few times and i had to admit that what i wanted wasnt right for me right at this time (bummer)

i think at the very least you probably need to identify where he stands with AL.

Good luck..in some ways im jealous. i havent made any moves to meet men or even get in contact with people i know.

[time2change]

does this ring a bell?

Flyin
I will never give anyone advice since I spent 21 years waiting to have an honest open drug/al free relationship and we know where it led me. I can only say that I should have had the Ex prove himself before letting him back into my life. By that I mean I should have waited and made sure he was doing everything he needed to in order to make me and my kids a priority. I did not hear you mention how this relationship has affected your daughter although I'm sure it has. Anyway, I can only say I wish you the best and will always be here for you!!!

[tlrgs]

does this ring a bell?

hi fly big big hugs to you girlfriend ..all i can say look deep within yourself and you will find the answers

[flyinhigh]

does this ring a bell?

thanks for you input.....he called tonight and agreed to my terms on doing an AL mod thing as a couple. Your votes on intuition and confidence in my judgement are reassuring! Thank you mwo members, you are precious! love to you all!

[flyinhigh]

does this ring a bell?

damn mwo....76 of you read but only 6 have a word of advice....interesting....70 of you have read and have nothing to add....thanks mwo for something and nothing......i will deal with my own thing....xo

[IAD]

does this ring a bell?

Yes "Flyinhigh"......but the 6 that have answered....have given you heart felt advice.......( It's not the quanity, but the quaility.....love ! IAD) Take heart........I post the "Thought for the Day"....sometimes I get no responces......Yet I get several reads. I'm happy with that....people have taken the time to read my thread. IAD

[startingover]

does this ring a bell?

Sometimes people have no words, it could be that they dont feel qualified to advise or that the situation is very close to their own and they are looking for advice themselves.

[cacky]

does this ring a bell?

Also some of us who have already posted may check in from time to time and see if there is anything else we can add. im assuming that each time we do it registers as a view.

Good luck

[hippie37]

does this ring a bell?

Hi flyin!

Have only just read this now and will share with you my experiences later this evening as I'm meeting my sponsor in 10 mins!! quickly though I've found that any relationship for me is definitely out of the question until I have a relationship with myself first and foremost. I'll elaborate more later hon. Take care

Peace and Love
Phil
xx

[42cat]

does this ring a bell?

Hi there. Hope all is going well. You were given some great thoughts and advice for sure.

Don't let views vs. responses get you down, K? ...... In fact, if you check all of the other threads, you will see that the views WELL outnumber the responses.

As someone else mentioned, a lot of those views may be re-views, and re-re-re-re-views (I always look back at threads I've contributed to to see what else has been added, etc.) ... Or it could be that some of those people have nothing to add, which is OK ... Or it could be that what they would have said has already been said. It could also be simply that people are just surfing and/or reading around for their own benefit, and not ready or interested in contributing just yet.

It's all good.

Take care!

[Evie.Lou]

does this ring a bell?

flyinhigh;651266 wrote: hey all,

I am writing to you all today with a brief story and a couple of questions. so, here is my story....

I recently ran into a high school sweetheart that since the first day I met him, which was in detention, sweeps me off my feet. I graduated high school 16 years ago. I don't know what happens to me but the look in his eyes and the smile of Eli makes me swoon, the kind of feeling that makes you believe in true love and destiny. We just had a three month relationship that was riddled with drinking and his unruly behavior with AL. It was weird for I drank more sometimes than I wanted but at the same point, I was also more steadfast in my belief of modding than before. Eli has had many drug, AL and law issues in his past, he is my Clyde Barrow. I was not to be his Bonnie, or his Florence Nightengale...but I wanted to help him and/or join in on drinks. His drinking and driving was a MAJOR issue for me and I was not reluctant in making "rules". When I made lines in the sand, for the most part, he would respect them. He was never harmful to me, but quite the opposite, very doting and loving. Our time spent together normally involved AL but it also involved hikes, movies and very stimulating intellectual conversations. After I broke it off, for he did 8 shots of Yager in an hour and a half and got real sloppy while out with my friends after I asked him to not drink too much, I couldn't stop thinking about him. I was cold in my break up and wished that our friendship wasn't affected by this three month love affair. I even went to the pound and rescued a dog to exert my love and care onto. Neli my new pup, notice the likeness of names, didn't fill that void and he still consumed my thoughts. So I called him. Today we took a hike in the woods and we discussed the possibility of him cleaning up his act and being the best possible Eli that I would want to be with. He agrees to this idea and I have this place of belief in him.

So, my questions are..... I can't discern if this is a healthy choice for me or a wrong one for my life? Has anyone here ever felt that strong emotion towards someone that has AL issues while they too struggle with it? Is this a disaster waiting to happen or is it possible for that dream to come true? If anyone has been through, or witnessed a similar story, your advice and insight is more than gladly welcomed.

Thank you
A perplexed Flyin'

Strong feelings like that are often from passed life experience.......Karmic bonds?? That's just how I see the world. I never expect others to see it thru my eyes so ignor me if it doesn't ring true for you......OK ??........OK !!!
PM me if I can help.

[greeneyes]

does this ring a bell?

Hi flyin'. I was going to be one of those non-responders. I find I look at things a little differently than many. My immediate thought was that it doesnt' matter if others had a similar experience or not. That was "their" path, "their" reality. I think this person is probably in your soulmate group and you are in this situation to help each other learn a lesson or overcome a challenge in this life. This IS when you listen to your inner voice, your higher self. That is what I believe to be connected to the source energy that unites us all. You don't have to reach disaster proportions in order to leave if it's not right. It doesn't mean it was the wrong decision, it was one that you chose to meet the challenge or to help him with his. Perhaps he needs to loose you again to finally fight the fight and you (on a soul level) agreed to play the part. And if it works beautifully? Well how will you ever know if you don' try? It will be a choice. It's not life or death. You've been AF for a long time and can hear that voice clearly. I wish you well with it.