No, I really DON'T want to be a NORMAL Drinker.

[scrubbly]

Ok, there, I said it.

I have been mulling this over for many days now, and found I had to say it out loud, and what better group to spout off to than all of you? (Don't you feel special now?)

When I first came to MWO I thought, "I just want to be a "normal" drinker." I want to be able to have 1 or 2, stop, and be ok with that, not think about AL all the time, not get raving hangovers, not feel guilty about drinking, not have it mess things up for me.

But that is not really what I want. That is not ever what I wanted.

What I want is the buzz, the high, the escape. And the more I drank, the longer I was with AL, the more that just 1 or 2 would not give me what I sought, and so problems like the poor behaviors, the relationship strains, the hangovers, and the physical abuse to my system would ensue.

I never wanted to be a normal drinker. What I wanted was TO HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT TOO. To have my buzz, my high, and never pay the price. Never have a hangover, never have problems with my loved ones, legal issues, and physical problems.

I am a 5-year old who does not want the consequences that come from my choices.

That is what I really want and that is never going to happen. I believe I can accept that now, and doing so actually offers me some peace that I didn't even know was lurking out there for me. Saying it out loud makes it that much more real for me. Thanks for listening.

[startingover]

No, I really DON'T want to be a NORMAL Drinker.

Oh Scrubs, I have sought that for so many years. Its madness isnt it?
Kudos to you for recognizing that now.

[cacky]

No, I really DON'T want to be a NORMAL Drinker.

Scrubs, you said what alot of us are always thinking. so what's your next step

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

No, I really DON'T want to be a NORMAL Drinker.

Interesting post Scrubbly, I am very glad for you have come to that realisation for yourself.
I however have not gotten to that point yet. It brings up a debate that has probably being going on here since the site started, is it possible for anybody to sucessfully moderate when they have this disease?
I just dont know. I suppose the answer is yes maybe a small percentage can but then I hear of people who have been dry for 10+ years falling off and ending up worse then ever in a short space of time.
Maybe given time the right answer for me will arrive because I think it very much a personal thing for all of us.

[kabkab]

No, I really DON'T want to be a NORMAL Drinker.

Scrubs, your post says it so well! It's just what I have always wanted too! "I never wanted to be a normal drinker. What I wanted was TO HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT TOO. To have my buzz, my high, and never pay the price. Never have a hangover, never have problems with my loved ones, legal issues, and physical problems."

I even went so far to search far and wide for someone to say drinking a lot is not harmful. Well, it is harmful - at least to me. I got blood tests back on Monday that say my platelets are low, my AST, ALT, hemoglobin, hematocrit, MCV and MCH are all high. Research shows the common denominator in all of these abnormalities is alcohol abuse.

I haven't had a drink since Monday. One day at a time - that's all I can do.

[42cat]

No, I really DON'T want to be a NORMAL Drinker.

I totally understand. I even wondered why everyone didn't drink like I did .. I mean, it feels so good, so why isn't everyone doing it? ... (OK, I didn't "really" wonder .. I knew/know the answer.)

And, on top of that, I secretly wished drinking wasn't harmful and was accepted by all of society, any time of day, anywhere. Get up, have a drink. Go to work, have a drink. If only it was accepted ... then I wouldn't have to sneak around ... then everyone would be as buzzed as I am. The whole of society in a fog.

AL is one twisted b@stard.

[DriftyAlison0]

No, I really DON'T want to be a NORMAL Drinker.

I don't want to be a drinker period. Thanks for the post. It has been useful for me. Thursdays are usually tough on me but I am barely thinking about it.

[Accountable for Me]

No, I really DON'T want to be a NORMAL Drinker.

Well said, Scrubbly! Ain't that the truth!

[byebyebridgetjones]

No, I really DON'T want to be a NORMAL Drinker.

Oh thank God someone said it !!!!!!!
I think it's called hedonism for some, but I guess that might be romanticising it a bit.
I've come to the same conclusion Scrubbly. Why would I bother with 2 drinks ? Where's the fun in that ? (and given some rather ugly news I had on the scales this morning I can't afford them)
In short, I HAVEN'T GOT A MODERATE BONE IN MY BODY.....there.
I admire the moderators, but it's not going to happen for me either.
What I love is getting pissed and outrageous. Problems become smaller. I enjoy the sensation of losing control.I think it's dead funny when I'm there.Everything's funny. Except the waking up and realising what a goose you've made of yourself. But even THAT'S not too bad when you've got friends who also drink and just think 'that's just Bridget, being Bridget'.
It's going to be a hard road for us. But if we don't put the kabosh on it we'll die.
Simple.
Time to find other ways to have fun.
I'm SO glad you started this thread.
Bridget.

[louise]

No, I really DON'T want to be a NORMAL Drinker.

A wonderful post. I'm sure it is what lead many of us into our problems.

[sparrow]

No, I really DON'T want to be a NORMAL Drinker.

Hey Scrubbly,
You should read that Allen Carr book "the easy way to quit drinking" he says there are no normal drinkersy, as drinking is not "normal" I dont but all of it but it was interesting. I was probably what alot of poeple would call a "normal" drinker but I was sliding Al was taking up aot of mental real estate. I guess it still is but atleast I feel better
Sparrow

[scrubbly]

No, I really DON'T want to be a NORMAL Drinker.

cacky;652279 wrote: Scrubs, you said what alot of us are always thinking. so what's your next step

Good question Cacky....my step for now is to think of myself as a non-drinker. I know that "One Day at a Time" (yes, I'll steal from AA when it suits me!) is all that I can control, but an identity as a non-drinker is what I plan around, what I tell people that I am, and is what I'm coming to accept.

Anything else feels way too precarious.

[Sunbeam]

No, I really DON'T want to be a NORMAL Drinker.

Scrubbly,
Most (all?) of us have been there. But I now think the high I was chasing wasn't there. I mostly drank alone, never engaged in the outrageous behavior. So for me, getting control of alcohol has been recognizing that having even one drink isn't that great, it is just a choice for me, like chosing to have dessert in spite of the calories I don't need. I understand that many here say they can't limit their drinking; I believe and respect them. But so much is all in our heads. Those of us who drink moderately aren't all the same. Even Kid Sheleen, who had an attitude that anyone could learn to drink moderately, was drinking less often by the time he got banned. I never quite agreed with his frequent statement, "The Mods Life is the Good Life". Abusive drinkers need to transform their lives, that's for sure. I don't think anyone keeps going down their old road of life, and learns to just stop at one or two, at least not in the long run. The ch-ch-changes threads that Eve 11 has started are a good reflection of that. Scrubbly, you are making a wise choce to go AF, that is the best choice for you. People rarely regret going AF for good, not if they are being honest with themselves.