Self hate?

[The New Me]

Is this drinkig stuff about self hate?Anybody can relate to this?

[cacky]

Self hate?

The new me,

Self hate is all part of the problem. I think that AL relys on us being filled with self hatred. it is all part of the cycle.

[ronnie]

Self hate?

Hi the new me
When I was drinking I was'nt a nice person and I always found fault in other people, now I really do like myself and other people
Being A/F is great, its like having a new life that you can actually enjoy!!

[sparrow]

Self hate?

good going Ronnie. Keep up the good work!!

Sparrow

[cacky]

Self hate?

The new me; im noticing you didnt get many responses. You may want to repost this or provide more detail under the thread Just Starting Out. Im sure alot of people would like to repond to this.

[hippie37]

Self hate?

Self worthlessness, self hatred, loneliness, isolated, unreliable, untrustworthy, shameful, self pitying, weak, fearful, angry, manipulating................The list is endless to the beliefs I used to hold about myself!! Keeping hold of these old beliefs did nothing but keep me locked in the cycle of addiction which ultimately had me drinking EVERYTIME.

Try and focus on your positive qualities and in time you will actually start to believe them yourself. It took me a while to change my core beliefs but today I see myself as a caring, loving, sensitive, humble, grateful man and that's not be being big headed either! The more I tell myself this the more I believe in myself and my qualities.

Throw out all those ideas you have about yourself because at heart we are ALL good, decent people. We just lost our way and need to get back on track. Be kind to yourself and don't let others tell you what you are or who you are. You know yourself deep down what kind of a person you are if you just listen to your heart.

Peace and Love
Phil
xx

[startingover]

Self hate?

I know when I was drinking, I didnt like myself much.
But being sober I am working on the areas I dont care for, and I see myself in a much better light anyway.
I think alcohol distorts the mind on so many levels.

[tiptronic_ct]

Self hate?

I agree, Starts

My self-confidence was in the gutter when I had no control over the drinking. The self-pity, alienation, the whole range of emotions that gets involved when AL runs your life. The minute you start having a clear head, you start getting perspective again.

As for what made us drink in the 1st place, I think its different for everybody...

Tip

[hippie37]

Self hate?

startingover;656177 wrote: I know when I was drinking, I didnt like myself much.
But being sober I am working on the areas I dont care for, and I see myself in a much better light anyway.
I think alcohol distorts the mind on so many levels.

A point to remember too is that we are not perfect and will never be perfect. Don't strive for perfection because you'll never obtain it. We have to accept our flaws and defects, we are only human after all!! But as starts mentioned if we recognise those areas we can work on them and be more accepting of them in the future. I still hold a lot of my old traits. I am still lacking in confidence and quite fearful at times, I can be self pitying, jealous, angry etc. As long as I am aware of this I have a much better chance of doing something about it and not hold onto it.

One of my biggest problems is that I am actually very perfectionistic!! GO FIGURE!!lol So yes I have quite a battle some days!!! I'm working on it!!

Peace and Love
Phil
xx

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Self hate?

Hippy I just wanted to pop in and say thanks for your posts. I enjoy reading them, they are always insightful, accurate and well thought out. Food for thought, again.

[startingover]

Self hate?

hippie37;656183 wrote: A point to remember too is that we are not perfect and will never be perfect. Don't strive for perfection because you'll never obtain it. We have to accept our flaws and defects, we are only human after all!! But as starts mentioned if we recognise those areas we can work on them and be more accepting of them in the future. I still hold a lot of my old traits. I am still lacking in confidence and quite fearful at times, I can be self pitying, jealous, angry etc. As long as I am aware of this I have a much better chance of doing something about it and not hold onto it.

One of my biggest problems is that I am actually very perfectionistic!! GO FIGURE!!lol So yes I have quite a battle some days!!! I'm working on it!!

Peace and Love
Phil
xx

How very true. I tended to seek perfection (in myself) another reason I gave myself such a hard time over the years.
You are a wise one arent you Hipps

[Popeye]

Self hate?

Great posts Hippy, and spot on.

[savon19]

Self hate?

(I agree - Hippie offers great, well-written insight!)

This subject makes me ask: Which came first - the self-loathing or the drinking? I'm sure it's not the same for all, but if I had to bet, I'd say the self-loathing (maybe just in the form of teen-aged lack of confidence...). Then, it's discovered that alcohol can give a (false!) sense of confidence. Over time, we need more & more AL to feel that same "confidence". But, because of the quantities and frequency, "stuff happens". That "stuff" leads to shame, guilt and further self-loathing!!

Vicious circle. Seems the only way off the merry-go-round is some white-knuckling through feelings of self-loathing until you're AF long enough to start feeling self-worth.

But, of course, the next question is WHY, then, once we start feeling good about ourselves do we (sometimes) dive right back into the bottle? It may be that when we start feeling good, we theorize that we would feel even Better with some alcohol...?

And even though we're intelligent human beings, we keep testing that theory even though it consistently FAILS.

Or... until it Finally clicks!!

[Lavande]

Self hate?

In agreement with Savvy - first came the self- loathing then the drinking!!
Amazingly, I think I knew it at the time and just didn't care........
So much for our superior intelligence, huh?

[The New Me]

Self hate?

Thank you guys for your replies - yes, our intelligence means nothing when there is an open bottle.. And if one drink feels so good, why not have another one? And another one?
And wake up the next morning, ashamed, sick, with no self respect... and do it all over again.
I have done periods of AF up to two weeks - I felt great! I guess I am learning that moderation is not for me.
You guys rock!