Today I received an email from MWO, saying that someone had tried to send me a PM on the site, but that my inbox was full. So: I did some thinking, about whether I wanted to log onto the site, to clear out that mailbox.
It was almost a year ago when I first arrived on MWO, and almost a year ago since I last had a drink. It was about 3 or 4 months ago when I departed from MWO, and I have not logged in for quite a long time, now.
I do know that when people suddenly leave MWO, whether with or without an explanation (and I did provide an explanation, partly because I didn’t want people to worry about me), the people who once were friends (and some who were, shall we say, not so friendly!) tend to wonder… “How is so-and-so getting along?” I know the feeling very well; I still wonder, sometimes, how WonderWorld is (she left with no explanation, and my worry about her still lingers).
So, with all that in mind, I decided that I would log in, clear out the inbox, and say hello. A progress report, for anyone who might care, from A Work In Progress. I am just about at the one year mark, so the timing is good.
I’m doing fine. I don’t drink, and I rarely think about it. Life still has challenges, but alcohol is not one of them, for me. No hangovers, no blackouts, no fear, despair, and shame over what I have done, what I might have done, and what I might in the future do, because of alcohol. The longer I go without drinking, the more clearly I realize that the idea that alcohol is something that adds something to life is a huge distortion, and it creates tremendous suffering for those who cannot reliably control their drinking. I no longer allow that idea to inhabit my mind.
Which brings me to the issue of self-control. I believe that conquering a serious alcohol problem is a difficult project that requires commitment and self-control, like any other significant project in life. It is very much like a career, like raising children, like a marriage, like finishing a degree or certificate in school. It requires doing things we sometimes do not want to do, and giving up things we would like to have.
And, perhaps more than those other demanding life projects, giving up an alcohol abuse problem (or addiction, or dependence… whatever you want to call it) requires self-control not just in the most obvious area of behavior (getting the alcohol, and putting it into your mouth), but also in one’s thinking, emotion regulation, and impulse control. All of these are related, but not identical. One aspect of self-control that was very important to me was to discipline myself to tell myself “I don’t drink” repeatedly, and to refuse to allow myself to dwell on ideas about (a) how “nice” it would be to have “a drink” or (b) how maybe this time I can begin to successfully, reliably, control my consumption. Those thoughts will lead to only one place, and I refuse to go there.
So: Hello to my friends here at MWO, and also to people who have arrived in the last few months, as well. I wish you all well. If you are determined to get alcohol out of your life, you can do it. It takes determination, and a lot of work (changing one’s thinking, environment, and behavior). If you want it badly enough, you can do it. And I hope you do; the suffering that alcohol creates for us, and for our friends and families, is unnecessary and (to be honest) it is inexcusable.
Finally, please don’t be lulled into the idea that “slips” are inevitable. This is something that is often voiced at MWO, and I think it is dead wrong, and a dangerous idea. Yes, it’s true that relapses are frequent occurrences; but each relapse is a decision to do something of great potential harm. Once I accepted that fundamental fact, things became much easier for me. I hope that it will help you, too.
It was almost a year ago when I first arrived on MWO, and almost a year ago since I last had a drink. It was about 3 or 4 months ago when I departed from MWO, and I have not logged in for quite a long time, now.
I do know that when people suddenly leave MWO, whether with or without an explanation (and I did provide an explanation, partly because I didn’t want people to worry about me), the people who once were friends (and some who were, shall we say, not so friendly!) tend to wonder… “How is so-and-so getting along?” I know the feeling very well; I still wonder, sometimes, how WonderWorld is (she left with no explanation, and my worry about her still lingers).
So, with all that in mind, I decided that I would log in, clear out the inbox, and say hello. A progress report, for anyone who might care, from A Work In Progress. I am just about at the one year mark, so the timing is good.
I’m doing fine. I don’t drink, and I rarely think about it. Life still has challenges, but alcohol is not one of them, for me. No hangovers, no blackouts, no fear, despair, and shame over what I have done, what I might have done, and what I might in the future do, because of alcohol. The longer I go without drinking, the more clearly I realize that the idea that alcohol is something that adds something to life is a huge distortion, and it creates tremendous suffering for those who cannot reliably control their drinking. I no longer allow that idea to inhabit my mind.
Which brings me to the issue of self-control. I believe that conquering a serious alcohol problem is a difficult project that requires commitment and self-control, like any other significant project in life. It is very much like a career, like raising children, like a marriage, like finishing a degree or certificate in school. It requires doing things we sometimes do not want to do, and giving up things we would like to have.
And, perhaps more than those other demanding life projects, giving up an alcohol abuse problem (or addiction, or dependence… whatever you want to call it) requires self-control not just in the most obvious area of behavior (getting the alcohol, and putting it into your mouth), but also in one’s thinking, emotion regulation, and impulse control. All of these are related, but not identical. One aspect of self-control that was very important to me was to discipline myself to tell myself “I don’t drink” repeatedly, and to refuse to allow myself to dwell on ideas about (a) how “nice” it would be to have “a drink” or (b) how maybe this time I can begin to successfully, reliably, control my consumption. Those thoughts will lead to only one place, and I refuse to go there.
So: Hello to my friends here at MWO, and also to people who have arrived in the last few months, as well. I wish you all well. If you are determined to get alcohol out of your life, you can do it. It takes determination, and a lot of work (changing one’s thinking, environment, and behavior). If you want it badly enough, you can do it. And I hope you do; the suffering that alcohol creates for us, and for our friends and families, is unnecessary and (to be honest) it is inexcusable.
Finally, please don’t be lulled into the idea that “slips” are inevitable. This is something that is often voiced at MWO, and I think it is dead wrong, and a dangerous idea. Yes, it’s true that relapses are frequent occurrences; but each relapse is a decision to do something of great potential harm. Once I accepted that fundamental fact, things became much easier for me. I hope that it will help you, too.
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