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A Letter to me From me

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    #1

    A Letter to me From me

    You wake up in the morning after not remembering going to bed, with the thought of I'm never going to drink again. As you try earnestly to piece together the night before. Did I ring anyone ? did I txt anyone? did anyone visit? did I eat? Did I say goodnight to the kids?
    You half remeber sitting on the couch drinking your wine you remember going to the bottlo to get it with that dreaded but happy feeling?? of mmm I need a drink I've earnt a drink I worked hard today. But now you regret it you feel like shit you're worried the anxiety is setting in you dont know what hubby is going to say when he gets in from work. As the morning progreses into afternoon and you're feeling better ( a little bit ) you start thinking about that drink while getting dinner ready just to ward of the anxiety just to help you relax it WILL help when hubby gets home. Just buy one bottle then you wont get smashed and you'll remember everything right.

    NO NO NO STOP THIS RIGHT NOW. you know dam well you wont go buy one bottle so dont kid yourself, it wont make anything better it will only make everthing worse. Stop trying to convince yourself that you can moderate because YOU CANT. Hubby loves you thats why he just gives you that look and says how's your day been with big a hug and tell's you how much he loves you and he is here if you wanna talk, so then you have to go to the loo to cry because you're ashamed and guilty WHY does he love you because he knows that when you're sober your a beautiful articulate loving person who deserves to be loved. You have always been independant no-one tells you what to do RIGHT. WRONG because you are letting alcohol control everyhting you do. I Know I can beat this.
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    #2
    A Letter to me From me

    I know you can beat this too Pyes.
    nosce te ipsum
    (Know Thyself)

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      #3
      A Letter to me From me

      :thanks:
      I appreciate the support Determinator. I figure that when Im at my weakest I will read that argument that continually goes on in my head and maybe I will finally beat this.
      Pyes

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        #4
        A Letter to me From me

        Sounds like you have a good hubby and he would be ever so happy if you stopped drinking. Maybe you can tell him how you feel and ask for his support.

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          #5
          A Letter to me From me

          Hi Prancy
          Oh he know's I have been trying to get sober for a long time. I just dont want to make any more empty promises. It's an unspoken knowing between us now, its hard to explain but if I say it out loud to him I feel to much pressure this way its just unspoken knowing. Does that make sense??

          Comment

            #6
            A Letter to me From me

            So much sense, Pyes, I can totally relate.Saying the words just makes it out of control, (however out of control it is really). You don't need pressure, but maybe just loving support? Sounds like he would be good at that?
            Pipsqueak

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              #7
              A Letter to me From me

              Hi Pyes.

              I believe doing this exercise of writing a letter to yourself has much more of an impact than telling the rest of the world (so as to speak!). I think when you turn your problems back on yourself rather than outwardly expressing things, somewhere the conscience kicks in and you can actually feel what it is you are doing to yourself. I think there's almost a self preservation about it too. Why on earth would we do such things to ourselves and other people. I wrote a letter to myself about 2 months ago when my commitment to my recovery was somewhat flagging and it brought tears to my eyes writing it and reading it back to myself. Sometimes that is what I need to do to remind ME of where I can end up if I go back to my old ways. A lot of people fall into the trap of writing from the point of view of "I" (I will stop drinking as I'm killing myself etc) rather than from the "you" point of view (Phil, You need to stop drinking because you're killing yourself etc).

              Great letter Pyes, I hope it's helped to kick start something in you to become a better person.

              Peace and Love
              Phil
              xx
              "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
              Clean and sober 25th January 2009

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                #8
                A Letter to me From me

                Pyes, I believe that there is a beautiful person within you who has no need to build an identity around suffering. You can and you will let that person blossom instead of hiding behiend a bottle. Think of the wonderful opportunities available to you to grow love and enjoy..... you can do it.

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                  #9
                  A Letter to me From me

                  Pyes, That is a beautiful way to take a look at what is really going on inside you. You can BEAT AL...the letter sounds so strong and determined to do just that.
                  Kept up with that altitude and sobriety will be yours !!!
                  sigpicEyes on the PRIZE, a SOBER Future !!!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    A Letter to me From me

                    Hi Pyes,
                    Thank you for sharing your letter to you. It could easily have been a letter to many of us. I believe you have it in you to beat this. You are lucky to have a husband who loves you through this. Covet that. The other thing I sense is that you are doing this for you, and that is important. You have to take care of yourself first to be a good mother, loving wife, good member of society.
                    Hang in there.
                    Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.
                    AF since May 6, 2010

                    Comment

                      #11
                      A Letter to me From me

                      Pyes, thank you for sharing that. I, too, have written myself letters and notes; e-mailed to myself in a private e-mail that I keep. They really do help. I can relate to crying in private. I don't know how many times I've felt that way.

                      You can beat AL(cohol). You definitely want to, that's the first step. Next step is to make your plan, and if it's not the ideal plan for you, keep on altering it until it works. There are so many ideas, strategies, supplements, etc., available to you.

                      You sound as angry with "AL" as I was when I finally got the guts to fight him .. I tapered my way down from a bottle (quart) of hard liquor a day, starting in the morning. Use your anger with the bottle and make it work for you. Picture the life you want and make your plan to get there. You can do this.

                      ((hugs)) and keep on posting!
                      AF for two years. Slight relapse. Working on it at the moment.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        A Letter to me From me

                        Hey Pyes,
                        I have been fighting this alcohol thing for years and years. I can't tell you all of the horrible circumstances that I and my family have suffered as a result of drinking! I wish with all of my heart that I could turn back the clock and start over without alcohol. But that is not to be. Just have to go from here.

                        Have been a part of the July 1 group from the start. Actually, fell off on July 2 but they welcomed me back on July 3. So today will be my 13th day AF. As I told my July 1 group, I think now I am addicted to THEM!!!! Better than AL, for sure. Having the support at this site has made a world of difference for me. Accountability to them, support from them, and unconditional forgiveness when I fail.....only encouragement to pick myself back up and only look forward, never back.

                        One thing you need to know. We all talk about how much better life is, how much happier we are, how much clearer thinking we are. All of that is so true. But do you know the one thing that being without alcohol does for me that far exceeds all the rest? I AM ABLE TO FORGIVE MYSELF ! I can never grant myself forgiveness for ANYTHING when I have alcohol in my system. And that is a terrible and self-destructive way to live. It is amazing how much more I love myself in just these two short weeks!

                        I will pray for you today, Pyes. That you will find the strength to continue this journey with all of us that are just like you! This looks like a great thread or you would be so welcome in our July 1 group. But definitely stay with this site, check in often (especially when you feel tempted) and know that you are never ever judged, only loved here.

                        Barb

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                          #13
                          A Letter to me From me

                          New Creation;664597 wrote: But do you know the one thing that being without alcohol does for me that far exceeds all the rest? I AM ABLE TO FORGIVE MYSELF ! I can never grant myself forgiveness for ANYTHING when I have alcohol in my system. And that is a terrible and self-destructive way to live. It is amazing how much more I love myself in just these two short weeks!
                          Wow, Barb ... That is something I've been starting to feel too - forgiving myself - and I didn't even realize it. Thanks for your post!
                          AF for two years. Slight relapse. Working on it at the moment.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            A Letter to me From me

                            Pyes, such a great post, and a story we ALL can relate to in so many ways. I think that horrible "What did I do?" feeling when we wake may be one of the worst feelings in the world, and I've had it over and over, in many, many places. (Luckily, not in a very long time.) Remember it takes a while to get to the bad place, and it takes a while to get back to the good one, but this is a good place to start. It DOES take work, and will, and hope. And, one thing sometimes people may lose sight of, here and other places, its always an invidivual, personal battle; we can never judge ourselves against anyone else and their successes or failures. This place offers such great support, and thats what many of us need.
                            sigpic
                            Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
                            awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

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                              #15
                              A Letter to me From me

                              :thanks: You are all amazing I have nothing else to say, except I will beat this god me strength I will.

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