Nora's journey

[fennel]

Nora's journey

NoraC;932933 wrote: I have been sitting here debating leaving MWO. I have been reading some posts and I seem to be one of the people that they are talking about. Some people have been talking about the people that have been here for a long period of time and still are struggling. I have been here for so long and I am still struggling. Maybe I don?t belong here. I guess I need to take a hard look and decide. I know that I have found a lot of support here and I thought that was what this was all about.
I have been working hard on my issues but I?m still battling. I?ve started seeing a counselor but things have not changed overnight. I have changed my anti-depressants. I am working towards a better me. But, I have been on this site for over a year and still have issues. Does that mean that I don?t belong here? Then where do I belong? Maybe I don?t belong anywhere.

I've struggled with the same feelings, but I don't want to hand a victory to the intolerant folks here. Put 'em on "ignore" and stick around...please? :l

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Thank you everyone.....I'm sorry. I just was thinking out loud and needed to put it down on paper (my journal). I have finally gotten up the courage to start reading some of my previous posts and it seems to all be the same. I got upset with myself. Nothing to do with anyone else. This was all directed at me. Thank you all for your support. Just upset with me.

[mollyka]

Nora's journey

Nora honey, how could you believe anybody could doubt how much you want this? You have been so honest and straight with your feelings and the good and bad times. You have been MY strength along with a few others around here - I truly would be very very sad if you weren't around here. You are funny and kind and I do not doubt that any negative comments would never ever have been aimed at you. Hang around Nora, we are ALL struggling - some days better, some worse but the friends we make here do make it easier sometimes
Molly:thanks::l

[neart]

Nora's journey

Nora, I've only read a few of the last pages here so I don't know the full story or about the other posts, but the way I see it, if you don't belong here, then neither do I, and neither does someone who hasn't touched a drop in 10 years.

Every person here is here for one reason, that they have struggled with AL at some time in their lives. We're all just at different stages on our individual timelines. And that's okay. Imagine if I had logged in 3 weeks ago for the first time, and everyone here was five thousand four hundred and fifty six days off AL? I tell you what I would have done - I'd have logged right out and never come back again!! Cause it's the people who are fighting the fight right now, today, that give those who are trying to pluck up the courage to step into their own boxing ring and begin Round One the incentive to begin. And when we get knocked out from time to time, we need to know that it's happened to others, and that it's possible and it's okay to get back up and start again...and start again.

I only joined here a few weeks ago, but your voice and your words have been so important to me, and I want you to stay :l So please don't go, or you'll make me :upset: cause you've always done such a :goodjob: in the nest making me feel :welcome: especially on my first day when I said :new: So lease: don't go xxx

[Bandit]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora C

I have only just found this thread now and have skimmed through some of the posts from the beginning to last post..obviously i haven't read it all but from what i have seen so far all i can say is 'meet your cousin'.

I felt it too today over posts about people having been here for ages, failing, coming back, why do they bother coming back etc...and i posted my own thoughts on this in the vent thread. I have been here since 2008 and have come and gone, had mixed success and failure and now back again a few weeks ago. Had wine on Mon night last and back to Day 3now, well Day 4 now as its just gone midnight here. I know i cant moderate and am determined to keep going to give up AL once and for all no matter how many attempts it takes.

Please do not go..i'm sorry i didn't find this thread earlier..please keep posting

:h

[techie]

Nora's journey

Hey NoraC - Now what is this stuff about quitting? Never ever let a few self righteous voices be the barometer for your success here. Everyone's path to sobriety is different. We all have different abuse pattern issues in our struggle to break free from alcohol. The binge drinker generally has a more difficult time than a daily drinker, etc. We all have different situations, tolerances, and coping skills. Remember, this site is call My Way Out, not One Way Out. Hang in there and fight this disease on your terms!!!

[sapphire1]

Nora's journey

HI Nora, I am new here and i would also like to join in with the the others and dont go!!!!!! It doesnt matter if you have been sober for ten minutes or ten years; the truth of the matter is that we are all one drink away from a drunk!!!!!!!! I those who have made it to long term sobriety can sometimes unfortunatley forget this and for reasons best known to themselves also forget the struggle in the early days. As Techie and the others have said hang in there, fight this disease on your terms, this is your way out....there is not just one way....if there was , we would all have found it a long time ago. I am still struggling but along the way of my ten year battle I have found a wealth of wisdom in alternative health.......I feel authourised to give this advice not only to newbies but also to those who have been sober for quite some time. So whilst i havent cracked it yet, i have an awful of hard fought experience to share. In my battle my knowledge of natural medicine has been the only thing that has kept me alive. So we all bring different things to the table to share in our common goal of a better life.I dont care how many times a person falls down as long as they get back up again and keep trying. You go girl

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-12-10 continued

Thank you everyone for all the very kind words of support. I am sorry that I sounded so needy today. I just needed to put down what I was feeling........I have avoided going back and reading my 'Nora's journey' and I started reading some of it today. I realized that I haven't moved on and it hit me hard. I sound like a broken record and I am not happy with myself. I did not mean to blame anyone else. I am trying to get to a better place in my own life. Thank you all for being here for me.
This is the place for me. :l:l:l Thank you all. I do know that I need to start writing here again. I need to get my act together. So......today, I started writing again.
I am going to now babble..........please disregard..........
I have finally admitted defeat and gone to the doctor. I have changed my anti-depressant. It has helped. I have also started talking to a therapist. Saturday will be my third session. I like her. I just need to learn to open up & tell her what is bothering me. That's not easy for me. So, I'm practicing here. I had been doing it here in my 'journey' but I stopped. I need to do it again.
We've had my great niece & nephew for the past 2 months which has been wonderful but stressful. They are leaving next Wednesday. Poor things are so homesick for Mommy & Daddy. We have loved having them here but they are ready to go home.
My Mom has been sick. She is almost 83 years old. Not sure what is wrong with her. She is not eating. She is going back to the Doctor next week. I imagine that she will be going into the hospital for tests.
My husband is still in pain and trying to cope. He has an appointment with the pain clinic on August 24th. Of course, I received a jury summons for that week. I'm hoping that when I call in, I won't have to actually report. My husband can't drive so I'll have to take him.
I've been having issues with my son. Drinking......passed out on the street....taken by ambulance to a hospital...could have died. Yes - that is a biggie. Can't get over that one.
Have $59.00 in my bank account.(Husband hasn't worked in over 10 years and I'm the breadwinner)
Uncle had a stroke and they are going to send him home from the nursing home. I have not even called my cousin to offer support.
My best friend in the whole world has an aneurysm and is very ill.
......................

There - that is what I need to go in & talk to my therapist about. I need to go in & talk to her instead of holding all of this in. That is my problem. Everyone has issues and hardships. People have much worse problems than I do. I just need to learn to cope. I just need to learn to cope!!!!!

[prancy]

Nora's journey

Nora, please cut yourself some slack. You have a LOT going on.
We cope as best we can.

[mollyka]

Nora's journey

Wow Nora, it's a wonder you're not a basket case! - that's some load to be carrying around. My Mum dying was enough to tip me over the edge - I truly don't know that I would cope with your load. My Dad used to say 'worry about things you can do something about and do something about them, the rest of the stuff, don't worry about, there is nothing you can do about it'. It sounds very simplistic but actually it works and it cuts a lot of things out and sort of cuts to the chase. Of course your son is a worry, my youngster is causing me a lot of angst at the moment - the main trouble there is that I know he is troubled about something but won't tell me, I can't get to it and I'm not sleeping so - double whammy!
Nora, all I can say is we are all here for you - you can see how many friends you have here by your responses to your post, it's ok to be sad - I'm delighted you are going to a therapist but don't be afraid to come here and moan and vent and whinge :upset:if needs be - I know I do!
Molly:l:l

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-13-10

Tomorrow is Day 3 with my counselor. Obviously I have some issues that I need to get into. I have been thinking about Bac or Antabuse but the truth is....I need to get to the bottom of my issues. So, here I go to the counselor tomorrow. Not looking forward to it. I'm not the type of person to just spill my guts like that.....no matter what it seems here in my journal. :H
Went to the movies tonight with the family. Had a good time. Actually was a little restless and had some anxiety but was able to recognize it and deep breath thru it. Hate those stupid panic attacks.
Anyway....going to continue with my journal. Thanks friends for the support. Sorry for all the drama.

[mollyka]

Nora's journey

No drama Nora just real life! You sound like you have a lot of anxiety - good luck with the counsellor, I find with any situation the hardest part is the first sentence then it all pours out. Don't forget, that is his/her job and they are there to help you and they can't help you unless you unload fully to them. Thinking of you today Nora:l let us know how you get on
Molly

[neart]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora, hope everything goes well for you today with your counsellor xxx

[JackieClaire]

Nora's journey

Just adding my support here, Nora.
I got very fond of my counselor, one session I cried all the way through it, haven't got a clue what we talked about, but still came away feeling better.
Like Molly says it's just that first sentence.Good luck,sweetheart.
J x
:l

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-14-10

Went to my 3rd session today. It was funny actually. Because it is a Saturday, there is no receptionist. I go into the outer office & sit and wait and then my counselor will come out & get me. I was sitting out there waiting and I saw her in the inner office at the filing cabinet and she half smiled at me. I looked at her and waved. She looked at me puzzled. She finally walked over to the office door and said you changed your hair. :H Thank goodness I waved. She didn't have her glasses on and didn't recognize me.
Anyway, bottom line is that I went in there today and told her that I was actually ready to talk. Imagine that. Going to a counselor and going to talk. She said that was good and that she knew how hard it was. I told her how overwhelmed I was this week and how hard it was. She made some suggestions. She suggested some books and loaned me one. We talked about me being the caregiver all the time and that I need to learn to take care of me.
So, after the session today instead of rushing back home.....I stopped at a shopping mall. I went in there and went to a bookstore. I bought a cookie and a Diet Coke. I went to Target. After that I went to another bookstore and then Wal-Mart (looking for Friendship Bracelet kits for the kids). When I got to Wal-Mart, hubby called and wondered where I was, he hadn't got my message that I left. The kids were acting up. Fighting. And he sounded like he had had enough. I am still glad that I had taken time for me.
Ok - baby steps. Now we are going to play legos. Kiddos go home to Italy on Wednesday. I am going to miss them terribly. But, they are really homesick and it is time. It is also time for me to start working hard on me. I need to.