Nora's journey

[Meech]

Nora's journey

Nora,

I am so glad you are feeling hopeful, strong and happy. Perhaps antabuse is key for your recovery right now. To get through the initial stage of sobriety. I shall keep reading your post to see how you are making out.

Meech

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

9-23-10

Hi Meech - so good to see you.
I think perhaps the antabuse was the key for me. We shall see. I've been a little worried today about a few issues. Hoping that these are not side effects and if they are...that they'll pass. For anyone wondering because of starting antabuse, these have all been minor......stomach upset, diarrhea, headache/dizziness, eyes aching/hurting. I am hoping that it's a combination of coming off alcohol, cutting back on caffeine and starting a new pill. Tomorrow is my day off of the pill so we shall see how I feel.
I had a few moments today where I thought. OH MY GOSH, I CAN'T DRINK FOR 14 DAYS! EEK - What have I done?!? But, then the moment passed. So, I'm really happy that I'm doing this. I do imagine that I will have times when I'm going to think 'What the Hell is wrong with me? I want a drink and I can't because I took that stupid pill!' But, I am sure that moment will pass and I will take the next stupid pill. :H
I am trying not to look out into the future right now. Sure, I know I won't be drinking for 2 weeks but I'm not looking at it like that. I am just going day by day right now. I am trying to implement the steps that I have worked on with my therapist and go from there. I don't want to make some long plan of 3 months, 6 months, 1 year or 10.
It is more important for me right now to work on the problems in my life. Now, I am going to be working on them without the alcohol. This is important stuff. Not just the problems but the things that I want to change. The being closer to my husband. Opening up to him instead of holding everything in. These are steps that I have begun to take. And now being AF can only make this better.
Enough Rambling......

Day 2

[Mish]

Nora's journey

Nora, I want to try antabuse but it seems my liver mightn't be up to the task. However, I'm asking my psych about it on 5th Oct. I'm interested in your progress with the antabuse so I can inform him of comments from those on MWO. And I'm interested in your progress generally because I think you're lovely. MWA.
:h Mish :h

PS Shouldn't you be sleeping?

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Hi there Mish!! Yes - I should be asleep. I was VERY LATE to work today. I will keep you posted. I think that my Dr should have done a liver function test on me before I started and then to monitor me monthly. I have been researching. So, I'm going to contact her office and ask for some blood work to be done. Then I will ask for it to done again in a month. I want to know where I stand. I've been really pounding this poor liver of mine. I need to give it a break and treat it very sweetly.
Ok - I am heading to bed now. Looking forward to my next installment of Mish's Mash in the morning. :h
Night.............

[mollyka]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora, great to hear you so positive! When my doc prescribed the Antabuse back last Dec. my liver was a mess, he described it as 'not QUITE George Best territory!' however he reckoned that the alternative was me drinking like a mad thing over Christmas and he said on balance I was far better off on Antabuse - which I was of course, that's what started me working on this. Good idea to get the bloods done anyhow - by the way my bloods have been completely healthy since last April despite a relapse in Jan and another in May, so the Antabuse didn't do any harm to me, granted I only took it for a couple of weeks tho. Best of luck Nora - anything that helps............that's the way to go
Molly:l

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

9-24-10

Happy Birthday Dad! 83 years old!!!

Thanks for coming over Molly! So good to see you. You gave me hope since you said that your liver is doing so well now.

Well....Day 3 but I'm not counting days. I have really been feeling sort of poorly. I imagine that it's just a combination of things and that I'll be fine in a couple of days. I've just been very tired and I have felt aches & pains in my stomach or side and thought "Oh my gosh - is that my liver?" I'm crazy! Anyway, I didn't take my Estroven menopause supplement or my vitamin for 3 days and I can tell the difference. I have gone online and done drug interactions very carefully with the ingredients. I am going to try taking them tomorrow. I am hoping that there is not reaction. Fingers crossed here! I am sure it will be fine. I really need that menopause supplement. I'm also worried because it says something about maybe not being able to treat with Antabuse if you have low thyroid which I do. I wonder if that is because it makes you so tired and if that could be why I'm so tired. Oh I could drive myself crazy with all these questions.

I know for a fact that I would have been drinking if I had not taken the antabuse. So, I am VERY HAPPY that I decided to start taking it. That is the exact reason that I wanted to take it so that I would have to deal with things in other ways. So, it is doing its job. It's funny that I haven't had any major cravings. Oh, I have had a couple but nothing big. It's like I know I can't drink so why waste my time thinking about it. I really like that. I just wish I felt better. I am hoping that having the vitamin and herbal supplement tomorrow will get me back on track. Because I do not feel right. :upset: Where does your liver hurt I wonder? Now, I've gotten myself all scared. I did send a message to my Dr asking for a blood test so I'll have that next week.

Well - my cousin who has had a very troubled life. Drugs and numerous problems. She is a couple years younger than me. She finally after many years of rock bottom met a man who had also hit rock bottom after his wife died. He pulled her up & saved her. They fell in in love and have been together for I think maybe 7 years? Married - so happy. He got cancer. They did a stem cell transplant and we thought he was going to be ok. The cancer came back. He is dying and is now near the end. He is out of his mind now. Before he would come back & be himself for periods of time. But, he's gone. My heart is breaking for them. They had finally found love. My cousin had finally found happiness.

I'm very worried about my best friend with the heart aneurysm. She has gone back to work teaching 2nd grade. It is too much for her but they need the money. She is getting worse. I think she is beginning to give up. The Doctor told her yesterday that she could hear the murmur. They hadn't been able to hear it before. So, it is definitely getting worse. It is such a terrible surgery that it's possible it could kill her so they are waiting until they absolutely have to go in and do the surgery before the do anything. Her depression is getting worse.

Well - I think that is enough from me for now. I will try to go find out where my liver is located. I have got that thought in my head and won't let it go. Maybe I have an ulcer. Do you know how to spell HYPOCHONDRIAC???? :H:H:

[Mish]

Nora's journey

Nora, you can feel your liver on the right hand side a little below the ribs.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Thanks Mish - I guess that I'm ok.

[mollyka]

Nora's journey

Yes Nora, Mish is right that is the area. I used to get aches anywhere I thought my liver was! Then when I found out where it was I got aches there! Sometimes I still imagine aches, so I know I am just a raving hypochondriac - always have been!
Sorry to hear so many of your friends are in a bad way - life is very cruel sometimes isn't it.
Anyway, delighted the antabuse is doing the job. I definitely found it an aid at the beginning and still have a tub of them beside my bed, just in case!
Mind yourself Nora
Molly

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

9-25-10 midnight

Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!! Honest to Pete!!!!!! What a half hour I just had!
It has been so hot today - at least 100? and we don't have air conditioning, so I haven't done much of anything. Just tried to stay cool. Went to the grocery store to get some non-caffeine drinks. Have been working on my online classes and just taking it easy today. Sort of bugged me when Hubby asked me if I was going out to buy alcohol but then I realized that he was used to me always doing that so he had to ask that question. I just explained once again that I can NOT drink on the med so that he doesn't have to ask me that.
Anyway, I was finally winding down and thought I might call it a night. Hubby had gone to bed already. Peach, one of our kitties, was out front & started crying. I went to the door and let him in. Then I went & poured out some cat food for him. I walked back into the living room and there is a little rat sitting right by him on the floor. :wow: I started screaming!!! SCOTT, SCOTT, SCOTT, SCOTT!!!!! At the top of my lungs. By this time, I am standing on top of a chair in the dining room. Scott finally wakes up and yells into me and I'm screaming for him to come help me. By this time, the rat has come out of shock and ran across the floor. So, Peach, is just sitting there. :catroll: Does not even care about the rat. Scott comes in cussing his head off. F***G this and F***G that. On & on and on. Yelling at me for letting Peach in. Yelling at me to get off the chair. Like I'm really going to get off the chair. I'm barefoot wearing shorts. I don't think so. So, he goes outside to get some gloves. I am still standing there watching to see if the rat runs somewhere else. Then he comes back & tries to catch it. Then decides he needs something to catch it in. So strolls into the kitchen to find a container. Yells at me to get off the chair again. Then, the rat runs behind some cabinets. So, he cusses some more and says that he's going to have to take everything off of the top and move them out. I'm thinking - so what? Do you think I'm just going to say forget it. So, he moves things one thing at a time and keeps telling me to get off the chair. Yeah right! So, then he has to go to the bathroom. Oh my gosh! Are you serious?!?!? There is a RAT IN THE LIVING ROOM!!! He finally comes back & moves the cabinet out & misses the rat and it runs over his foot and across the room! It ran over beside the big entertainment center. That caused a LOT of cussing! :xxx: Anyway, he managed to reach back & I don't know what he did but he killed it. So then he felt bad. So, I'm safe again. I just wanted the rat outside - not in my house. So, my cat has been thrown outside. Hubby is back in bed. And, I'm going to sit here and have a Diet Coke!!!

[Mish]

Nora's journey

:upset: Oh Nora, the poor wee ratty.
It wouldn't have hurt you. Just show it the door next time and usher it out with a broom.

I am sorry but I can just see you on a chair and hubby running around chasing it everywhere...:gramps: :shocked::shocked:

Mish

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

9-26-10

Heading to bed but thought I would write to myself a little bit first. I'm trying to keep track of my journey here.
I don't want to count days but I find myself doing that. Today was 5 days and then add that to the 14 until I can drink again and then I will for sure be 19 days AF. I don't want to do that. So, I'm going to be glad when it gets past these few days so that it's not so easy to know.
I am doing well. I have had the few odd thoughts but no cravings. I have not really got out much and done anything different yet. But, since the the temperature has been over 100?, I'm not going to worry about that aspect of it too much.
I have worked on my online classes. I've spent too much time playing on the computer. I have gone in to work. Done some grocery shopping. So, actually, I have done pretty well.
I am still having that pain in my stomach. Seems to hurt all the time. I'm seriously beginning to think that I might have an ulcer or something. Wouldn't surprise me with the way I've damaged my body for so long. I am still tired (not sleepy but just drained/tired) but I am getting better on that front. I did start taking my vitamin and hormone supplement so that will help.
I am working on the communication with hubby. Getting there. Definitely helps when I'm not drunk. Who would have thunk?
I still have not told my son that I'm on Antabuse. I probably will at some point. I'm just waiting. Testing the waters so to speak.
Anyway - nice not to be drinking. I do wish that I could do it without the Antabuse but I know that I am not to that point right now. I wonder why? I guess I need to just continue to work thru my issues and my life a more stable place so that I will be better prepared to handle things AF when I stop taking the pill.
My niece is coming home for a week or so as they transfer from Italy to Mexico. She said that she wants to leave the kids with my hubby and that she & I will go away for a girls weekend. She said we would have a fun weekend and go out & have a drink. This is in November. She mentioned this about a month ago. I just laughed and said why drink - I'd much rather remember every moment with her. So, that has been on my mind too. I don't want to tell her that I'm taking Antabuse. I even thought about going off of it while she was here. I don't think I want to do that though. I have planned on staying on it for a while.
Wow - wonder why I'm thinking about that now out of the clear blue. :H
Must mean that it's time for bed.
Yep - bed time. :H I am rambling.

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

your kitty peach brought you a love gift!!!!
still waiting on my antabuse to arrive, but watching your progress girly...you have inspired me!!!
I would tell your neice....she may be very supportive...but that's just me!!!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Hi Mama - Dang Peach! I didn't mean to kill the rat. I just didn't want it in my house!!

When do you think you are going to get your Antabuse?

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

i expect it within the week