Nora's journey

[Panno]

Nora's journey

Ramble away Nora I like many others think you are doing fantastic and want to say a big thank you for sharing your journey - have a good nights sleep xx

[mollyka]

Nora's journey

Great work Nora, and truly it doesn't matter what 'tool' you use to get sober, whatever works!
Molly

[fennel]

Nora's journey

mollyka;986901 wrote: Great work Nora, and truly it doesn't matter what 'tool' you use to get sober, whatever works!
Molly

I'm with Molly.

You are doing so well, my friend! :l

[rubywillow]

Nora's journey

Nora, you've become such a buddy, and I SO admire the way you handle your struggles and triumphs. It's been fun have a real film buff to share with. It seems things were simpler in those old movies, doesn't it, and that's the way my mother remembered it. But every time has its problems, and this is ours. And you are finding your way. I'm so glad you found us. You add a tremendous amount everyday!
Keep it up, Mrs. Charles!!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

10-24-10

I just wanted to thank you all for all the support you give me. You are truly wonderful.

Things are going well on the Antabuse......still have the occasional thoughts about going off it just for a couple weeks so I can have a drink. Stupid thoughts but I do have them. That's the good thing about Antabuse, you can't act immediately so I have time to come to my senses.
I am definitely going to have to do something about my energy level though. I know if I would get up & force myself to exercise that it would help. For the past week, it's just been hard to get out of bed to go to work. I finally have my appointment with the Psychiatrist at the end of the week so he can look at my meds. That might be a lot of my problem I am thinking.
Things are going well at home. Still spending family time together. Casey stayed out until about 4:00 am last night. I was worried. I knew where he was and we had been talking during the night - but I just hate for him to drive at that time. Scott talked to him today about that. He already had a car accident at about 3:00 am a couple months ago (not his fault) and then he had the DUI in the middle of the night. I don't think he should be out & driving at that time. At least he wasn't drinking. He was just with friends. I asked him how he felt being around them while they were drinking and he wasn't. He said it didn't bother him that he had a good time. So, hopefully he is learning.
I am worried about my Uncle that is in the hospital. He is not doing well. After the stroke and so many other issues, his body is failing. They just want to get him stabilized so that he can go home. He wants go home. My poor cousin is dealing with everything and I try to offer help. But, this is a situation where there is not much that you can do. She of course wants to be the one to sit with her Dad and I know that I would be the same way. My Aunt has not been doing well either (her nerves are not good - had a breakdown years ago), so my cousin is dealing with trying to take care of her Mom too.
I am so happy that I am dealing with all of this sober. I keep thinking that I'll have one day of drinking and then that will be it. But, do I really want to do that? Do, I really want to drink too much and feel awful. I thought it would be nice to just go and have a couple of beers but I think that I might not just do that. So, I guess I'll just continue taking my antabuse. I'm certainly not having cravings. Just once in a while, I think it would be nice to go out with friends and have a drink. I think I better just stay right where I am for right now. I'm doing so well - I don't need to rock the boat. I think I can go out with friends and not have a drink.

[Grateful]

Nora's journey

Nora...you ARE doing so great and you are right...you don't need to rock the boat. It might be a little while until you can go out with friends and not drink....but that's okay. You can have friends over or go somewhere where they don't serve alcohol, maybe. I am so sorry about your Uncle and Aunt. All you can do is offer to help your cousin....she might take you up on the offer..you never know. I am glad that Casey is doing better and you are having quality family time-that is important and he knows that he has the support of his family. I hope you have a great Monday, sweet friend. Just know that I am here for you.

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

Nora...I know exactly how you feel...will I ever be able to enjoy a cold beer with my husband?
All I know is that is not an option for now and in the great scheme of life, it's not even that important.
I am proud iof your progress and I think you are being an awesome mom to Casey.
xoxox
Jan

[rubywillow]

Nora's journey

Just OFFERING your support means a lot, hon. It's a very difficult time for families; maybe you could take over food, offer to sit while she runs errands, etc. It is remembered and appreciated.
Our mind plays tricks on us. We continue to put so much importance on drinking, so what does that tell us? For someone who doesn't have a problem, it's not an issue.
This will work out, and I'm proud of you and continuing the antabuse. We have to do whatever it takes to save ourselves.

[Topsy-Turvy-Tracy]

Nora's journey

Nora, you rock.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

10-27-10

I haven't rambled for a few days so decided that I would. Got invited to go out with the gang from work on Friday night. I made my excuses. I can't drink because of the Antabuse so I probably should go so that I can get used to going places and not drinking. But, just not into it.

I am really enjoying Roger's thread - The Pros and Cons of Drinking. Really makes you stop & think. Also the thread The Bucket List. Another one to make me think. What do I want to do now that I'm not drinking all the time.

Casey went out tonight to a Clippers game. They were taking the metro. He said that he wasn't going to be drinking but he didn't want to drive there. I sort of hemmed and hawed and then told him that if he changed his mind to be sure to stay out there at his friends. He told me that he wasn't going to change his mind. He said "I'm doing this for myself". I told him how proud I am of him. He told Scott that it has almost been a month now since he drank. If anything good can come out of a DUI, then I think this is it. It seems to have opened his eyes. He needed to write an autobiography for the lawyer. He sent me a copy. I really do have a wonderful son. I love him so much. He also asked me to go to an AA meeting with him on Friday night if he doesn't have to work. He went to another meeting today.

I'm going to try to start working now on getting healthier. I am not eating well and I'm certainly not exercising. Even if this tiredness and poor appetite is being caused by my meds, I need to make an effort. So, that is my next step. And, I can do it. Now is the time.

[Mish]

Nora's journey

Yes, Nora, you can because you are such a capable, determined, positive, proactive, intelligent, funny woman.
Love you Girl!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

10-29-10

Saw the Psychiatrist today. Just made me more depressed to be honest. Sitting there trying to cram years of information into a compact little 45 minutes so he can decide the best med for me. He questioned me & listened. He thinks of Antabuse as a negative reinforcement instead of a positive reinforcement. Example - I'm not going to drink because I'll get sick instead of I'm not drinking because I don't want to. That bothered me. I have been having great success with the Antabuse and he just sort of shrugged it off. He did tell me to go ahead & continue it but his attitude was that they don't prescribe that nowadays. He said that they prescribe Campral because it will help with the cravings. Anyway, he told me that it was fine to go ahead & continue taking it now. That we might consider Campral in the future.
He also upped my anti-depressant. He repeatedly told me that I should attend AA. That is the best way to stop drinking and to continue to stay AF. He also told me to avoid the Lorazepam. (I had already told him that I very rarely use it) He said that based on my addictive personality that I could become addicted to it.
I left there today depressed and wanting to drink. I mean I seriously wanted to drink. If I had not been on Antabuse, I would be drinking now. Well - I guess I'm over it now but at the time. I tried to explain to him how the Antabuse is helping me with the mind games. Towards the end, he finally did say that I have the right mental attitude. That I want to get better and that he thinks upping my anti-depressant will help me not be so tired and help with the anxiety and depression.
I have another appointment with him next month. I will see if I want to continue this or not. I feel like I have to give it a fair shot. But, I just don't know.

Casey is having problems at work. It's a rotten place to work anyway and he only gets a couple of hours, if that, a week. It's not worth his aggravation. It's a restaurant/bar. They expect him to have a Happy Hour party and bring in friends on his day off. If he doesn't do that, then he gets suspended. Ridiculous that they expect him to go in on his day off & pay for food & drinks and get a bunch of friends to go with him. He did this last night and in the midst of it, one of his friends was carded and is not 21. Casey had no idea that this guy was underage. He's known him for 3 years. So, now Casey is not even sure that he has a job. Casey has been doing so great with not drinking. I am so hoping that this continues. He doesn't need to deal with this kind of shit right now.

I have started having my side pain again today. I just don't know. I was hoping that this Doctor could talk to me about the antabuse. How long I can be on it. Side effects, etc. I think it's strange that this side pain started after I started the antabuse. But, I don't understand how such a low dose could cause this.

I found out that my nephew is being deployed to Afghanistan now instead of Iraq. He's being stationed at an Air Base in Kandahar. Right in the midst of things. So, of course, we are very upset. It was bad enough that he was going to Iraq but now he's going right where there are major problems.

I am tired. I am depressed. I guess I just need sleep. I will wake up tomorrow and things will be ok. Just frustrated I guess.

[fennel]

Nora's journey

Nora...:l
Psychiatrists are good for meds only, as far as I'm concerned. Who cares what he thinks about antabuse? It works for right now, it's a safeguard. The rest can come later. He needs to put you in that little box in his head that says "addict", "depressed", whatever.

AA has a dismal success rate, no matter what he's heard. Sometimes, it is the only thing that helps some peeps, so it can't hurt to attend a meeting or two. It's just that there are other meetings, too...like "smart" recovery. Probably in your area. There's "rational" recovery, but they don't have meetings. Don't rule out other alternatives. I'll send you some links.

You'll find your own mix that works for you. Same with Casey. Hang in there, my dear friend...:l

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Thanks Fennel - Guess I just needed a little whine - here's some cheese to go with it.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

10-29-10 continued

I guess things are not that bad.......
Casey just left for a Halloween party. I told him congratulations on being a month AF. He said thanks but it's only been 4 weeks. It will officially be 30 days on the 1st. That's when he can go to the AA meeting and get his coin. I told him how proud I am of him. He said he's proud of me too.
I guess I'll stop playing the little head games about stopping the antabuse now. Fennel is right. Who cares what the Psychiatrist thinks about the Antabuse? This is for me.