Nora's journey

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

11-30-10

Happy Birthday to Me!! Man, what a birthday. :upset:
I am just so numb right now.....I don't know where I am going with this. Being on the antabuse for 2 months was the best thing for me. I am going to start taking it again. I am going to slip/slide/jump/run/fall back into all my old ways & habits if I don't start taking it again. I thought I was ready but I am not.
I think that I am going to lay this out here in straight black & white! My son didn't come home for 2 days. My niece and her kids came here on Sunday. Casey was supposed to come to the airport. He called me at the time their flight arrived that he was on his way. I told him that I managed to fit all their luggage in my car and that I would see him at home. He didn't come home that night. He is 23 years old. But, he lives in our home. Common courtesy is to tell us where he is and when he will be home. He never called me the next day but he did call Scott. He was at his friends....so sorry about not calling....he would be home after class. Well, last night, he wasn't home. I started calling his friends (after looking up numbers that had called/been called from his cell phone). Nobody knew where he was. I called the police station, I called the hospitals. Nothing! I finally slept for a couple of hours, I think. I checked the internet again and there it was. He had been arrested and was in jail. It broke my heart but I was so grateful to know that he was alive. My niece called and bail was $250.00 or something about he would be processed & released on Thursday. Well, I couldn't stand it. I threw on my clothes and went down there. I sat there all day long. Scared sick about his mental status. Just couldn't even think about what was going on. Scott tried to comfort me but I had gone into numb/survival mode. After I don't know how many hours.....seven??......I was able to pay bail and then had to sit there for another hour & a half until he was released. He is ok. Public drunkenness. He was walking to his friends house at about 1:00 in the morning and the cops stopped him. Obviously drunk and took him to jail. This is not ok. His behavior is not ok. What have I taught him? Did he learn this from me? As he hugged me and told me how sorry he was....that he was sorry he had ruined my birthday......I just couldn't stop thinking about how this had happened. Why is he on this self destructive course? I am sure that this has just ruined his DUI case. They are going to throw the book at him. What was he thinking?? He wasn't thinking. I am just sick. I talked to him about rehab. He said that he didn't need that, that he realized that he just couldn't drink at all. That he thought he could handle it and realizes that he can't. Well, I don't think that is enough. But, I can't force him into rehab. I need to take a step back. I probably should have left him in jail. Now, I need to deal with things. This is not ok. He is going to have to do things according to house rules or he can't stay here. That sounds so good & forceful typed out. Not so easy in real life.
Enough blabber for right now. I am just at a loss and need to sit & regroup. Thank you everyone for being here for me. It got me thru the day. :l:h

[Kimberley]

Nora's journey

Hi nora,
Sorrry to hear about your news - maybe this will be a wake-up call for him, maybe not.

Not much I can add - just sending you a hug and belated best wishes for your birthday.

K x

[Grateful]

Nora's journey

Oh, Nora, sweetie. You know that I have been exactly where you are right now....please remember the book I sent you....read it again, maybe. Casey is probably going to have to go thru more classes now so in a sense he will be going to "rehab". I would have done the same thing and rushed right to the jail also for my son..... you and I are alike when it comes to our sons.

Please pm or email me or call when you feel like it....I think I gave you my #....but I'll pm it to you now.
I'm here for you and I'll be thinking & praying for you & Casey.......:l:l:l:l

[fennel]

Nora's journey

Oh, Nora ....when I didn't see you here, I figured you were celebrating with your family. I'm so sorry that this happened to you - and, to Casey. :l

[sunshinedaisies]

Nora's journey

Nora - I am sorry to hear what I going on with you. It must be heartbreaking for you, but you didn't do anything - he is a big boy! Hang in there and call/PM any of us - you know we are here for you. I am so sorry I didn't know about this sooner - I would have called you had I known. I wish there was something I could do. All I can say is I am here for you. Lots of hugs coming your way -

love, Sun xxx

[rubywillow]

Nora's journey

Nora, does someone force you to drink, make bad decisions? No. Maybe he did SEE things that have some influence, but as an adult, we have to choose which way we go. I know there is a lot going on in Casey's life, but you can't 'fix' things for him. Some things we have to learn on our own, and it's painful for all concerned, but especially for the mother/grandmother looking on, saying 'look at me, listen to my experience, don't repeat my mistakes, I've done that'.
My children are in their 30's now, but the experiences of getting them where they are, I do NOT want to repeat. Now, I'm going through it as each of my grands gets to the age where they 'know everything'. I was thinking this morning, as hard as raising, worrying, about 2 was, I now have SEVEN to watch over. All I can tell you is that sometimes, telling them the fire is hot is not enough - they have to test the flame and get burned. My kids have the scars to prove it. Be there, be the stable force in his life, but don't try to fix things for him. A line from one of my favorite movies, when adults see their offspring making mistakes, is 'It's your mess, clean it up.' If it's cleaned up, made all better, for them, they learn nothing. We can pull them out from in front of a speeding bus, but it's the intangible threats that are more difficult.
We're here for YOU, honey, so vent away here, we're here to listen, OK? This is another of the problems we face when we share our lives with loved ones. :huggy, love.

[sunshine_gg]

Nora's journey

Oh Nora, I'm so sorry! Yep, I know very much what you are going through... and you're right about 'tough love' being the right thing and so much easier in theory... the practice of it tends to tear you up.

Ruby, I love what you said... while we may have shown our kids things we wish we hadn't... it is ultimately THEIR decision as ADULTS that matters. I will keep that in mind for myself as well. Thank you.

Nora, honey... reach out if and when you need to - I'm certainly here for you and so are many others.
:l

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

Nora...your post made me cry. My heart is breaking for you. I am so blessed to have good boys (so far)
How does your husband handle this? My sons are so scred of Dad...and I think that's a good thing. How is casey's relationship with his dad??? just a thought....
meanwhile.....i love you

[techie]

Nora's journey

Nora,

I'm thinking of you sweetie. This just may be a positive turning point for your son. He is facing a level of embarrassment and fear now. You may want to approach the rehab issue again when the level of emotions settle a bit. It's possible the court may mandate rehab. Its viewed as a positive if recognizes the need up front. I'm sending you and family positive thoughts! love John xx

[Ringing Cedars]

Nora's journey

Nora..again wanted to say sorry you have to go through this.:l:l:h

[sidney]

Nora's journey

Oh Nora..I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time in your life. Hang in there.

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

see how many peeps care about you??

[betty boop]

Nora's journey

Nora this made me cry too .............

I am sooooo sorry that you are going through this, my heart goes out to you ............

Stay strong hun and let us help you .......

Love & Hugs, BB xxx

[rubywillow]

Nora's journey

You KNOW I care, even LOVE you. Let's deal with this, helping, but you're not the one who screwed up, OK? Keep yourself sober, and give the right advice, but a grown up does what a grown up does. And it's not your fault. I DO love your crazy self, but you DIDN'T create this situation.

[rubywillow]

Nora's journey

Aid, BB, Tech,MB, BB, you are magnicant!!!! I'm fighting a dog battle here, trying to put up HO-HO's, and drag out what I left last year. (some goes back for decades!!). Now, I've finally dragged out the flyswatter, and Tink and Sadie are being very still. Now I have to let Gator (limping) and TMB in, and Berit is NOT happy with today's turn of events. She will come in and be still, but she's already convinced one renter, it's better to pay it all than come back and try again. But she's really a sweetheart, just understands where the money for her food comes from! Sorry, animal haters.