Nora's journey

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

7-2-11

Hey Georgie - Thanks for that. Never heard the pickle line but I keep running it thru my head now. :H Really hits the nail on the head there.

Had a busy day with the kids. Lots of bickering between them today. :H "Don't touch me..you're on my side...I want to pick the tv show....I don't want to watch that" Then later they were playing perfectly together. :H

Have a lot of fun planned for the next couple of days. Wouldn't be able to do all of this if I was drinking. I need to remember how limited my life is when it is filled with alcohol.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

7-3-11

Another fun filled day. Busy - but fun. Put up our pool finally. Really enjoyed that. Had a barbecue. Had a fire in our outdoor fireplace and roasted marshmallows and had smores. Never would have been able to do all of this if I was drinking.
Was reading some old posts tonight. This sums up my drinking:

...you have to make sure you have enough to "get the job done" before you start.

I had tried to explain that to my husband a few weeks ago. I was telling him that I knew that it made no sense at all but I am an alcoholic and I had to have enough. He was so surprised that I actually said those words 'I am an alcoholic'. He commented that he had never heard me say that before.
Anyway - it was really interesting reading some of those posts from 'You know you're an alcoholic when.....'. Also DriftyAlison started a great thread 'The pros and cons of drinking and staying af'. Listed so many that hit home with me.
There is so much great information on this site.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

7-4-11

Had drinking thoughts today. Not cravings. Didn't even really want the 'drink'......just maybe the feeling. Don't really know what I mean so I can't explain it. :H Just that drinking thoughts were there. I spent some time reading here. Spent some time looking up information, looking up books, etc.
Just went out front and sat with the neighbors for a few. The men were drinking beer. Didn't bother me at all. I know that this is to be expected. You don't change the habits of years in such a short time.
I think that part of my problem is that I am STILL looking to the future when I'm not taking antabuse anymore. I was looking up Baclofen information, etc. I am doing fine right now so I don't need to keep thinking that far in the future. That's always been part of my problem - have to find something to worry about. :H Anyway, think I might buy Allen Carr's book. I've heard some good things and some bad things about it. So, might read it for myself.
Well - almost dark so going to get ready to go out & light fireworks with the neighbors. The kids are already over there.

[rubywillow]

Nora's journey

Nora, darling, try to remember, TODAY. We can't be oblivious to what the future may bring, but today is what we have, right? Everyone has those days, but you are doing so well right now, in all things. ((:hug)

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

7-5-11

Heading for bed but wanted to write this down. Another positive.....

We are having a yard sale on the 16th. My neighbor printed up some fliers to pass around the neighborhood to get more people involved. She gave them to my niece for us to do it. My niece came in at around 7:00 and asked me if we could go walk around and pass them out. Never would have been able to do that if I was drinking. I would have already had several. So, I had a nice walk around the neighborhood with my niece & nephew.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

7-6-11

Got home from work and changed into shorts. Finally relaxing. Realized that we were out of milk. So, had to get dressed again to go to the market. Was making a short little list and Scott asked me if it was possible that I could get him a can of ale. I said yes. He asked me if I was sure. I have told him in the past when I'm on antabuse that he can certainly have a beer - that it doesn't bother me. So, I bought him a can of Foster's ale. Felt weird walking down that alcohol aisle. Slowed down as I passed the champagne. Thought to myself that I never would have been able to buy myself just one can of beer. That's just not the way that I'm wired.
Anyway - it was sort of a weird experience. He had his beer and probably won't have another one for a month or so. Oh well - obviously he doesn't have my issues.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

7-8-11

My nephew made it home from Afghanistan today. He is home with his wife and 3 kids. My niece made a video of him surprising the kids. Talk about a tear jerker. Happy tears. He is scheduled to leave again in April. I am hoping & hoping that will change. Wish that I could give him a big hug but they live in Louisiana now.

Things are going ok here. Can't remember what day I am on but no problems. Still on the antabuse, of course. Came home today and took a long, long nap. I've been up until after midnight every night for over a week. Finally caught up with me.

I'm driving my niece to Camp Pendleton tomorrow so she can spend some time with her friend. She is so excited......wanted to put her suitcase in the car tonight.

Really trying to focus on the bad effects of the alcohol when it pops into my head. Still need to actually write down my list of cons. Right now - it's nice to be able to say - I am not drinking. Getting better about not thinking so far into the future. I still do - but getting better.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

7-10-11

Greeneyes posted this again today. I am putting it here because it reminds me of me. I am heading for that hole again.......sticking with the antabuse so that i stay away from the hole. But, I'm looking at it.........

There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery

"I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street."

? Portia Nelson

[Queenbug]

Nora's journey

Hya Nora...Greeneyes put that up for me to read today because I was really sinking fast this morning...I've printed it out and put i on the cupboard to remind me...it really helped me today.
I've struggled hard today but here I am Day1 done (can't remember how many times I've said this over the years...hate myself for that)..anyway..just wanted to make contact and send love...such good people on here...hugs x

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Hi Queen - thanks! Congratulations on Day 1!!!!! That is wonderful!!!

[Queenbug]

Nora's journey

Thank you...I feel so much better than I did this morning!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

7-11-11

Long day today. My 8 year old nephew came down with an ear infection - both ears. Actually turned out that it was swimmers ear. But, he has been hurting so bad - breaks my heart. Then realized that my Power of Attorney had expired for the kids so had to get my niece to e-mail me all the info again so I wouldn't have to argue to get him seen. Finally got in to see the Doctor after sitting in the waiting room for 2 hours with a very sick little boy. Got in the exam room and the Dr came in for about 45 seconds. Just enough time to touch Buddy's ears, hurt him badly, tell me that his fever is caused by something else and to walk out. GRRRRRRR I was not happy. Anyway, got the ear drops - and am alternating Tylenol and Ibuprofen to try to keep his fever down. Hoping that he can fall asleep soon. I'm sure that he'll be up during the night - poor thing.
My 11 year old niece that I drove down to visit her friend (1-1/2 hour drive) wrote to me on Facebook yesterday and wants to come home. She's homesick. So, she wanted me to pick her up today but I went I talked to her this morning, she said tomorrow. I just got another message from her and said to PLEASE pick her up tomorrow. So, I told her that I would drive down there after work.
I have been having major cravings today. Major. Obviously, stress is a big trigger for me. I realize that and I need to learn ways to cope with it.
I was just telling my husband that I had cravings today. (I don't seem to share very much with him and he keeps mentioning that I can always talk to him. So, I thought I would share.) He just looked at me and then said 'I'm sorry.' Then he said...............wait, are you ready for this....................he said "Maybe you are one of those people that just can't drink." NO SHIT SHERLOCK. :H:H
Anyway - learning to cope like a normal person. (Whatever that may be)

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora...just here to tell you I love you and am so proud of you

[Queenbug]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora...you sound frazzled petal...hope you ok...sending you hugs x :h

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

7-15-11

Depressed.....tired......stressed..... Why do my thoughts always turn to alcohol?? Will I ever have normal reactions to things?
I get so angry at myself. I have things so easy. Why am I complaining. My problems in life are so minor compared to so many others. I have so many loving people in my life. Why can't I just enjoy that and forget about the hardships?
Oh well.....I will pull myself up and out of this pit. Momentary madness.
Antabuse is a good thing right now.