Nora's journey

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

Oh Nora...that is so cool!!!! YAY...maybe you can be my therapist then!!! I can pay ...a little!!!
I love you babe!!

[fennel]

Nora's journey

NoraC;1295839 wrote: I researched & researched. I finally found a Psychiatrist that I can see and she specializes in addiction!!!! I'll see her based on my 'depression' but I'll be able to discuss the other with her. I so hope that this is going to be a positive thing. My first appointment is next Thursday. Sort of nervous.

Nora, that's fantastic news! :l

I quite understand your venting...I've been denied health insurance coverage due to my psych past. Drugs and talk therapy only- I've never been hospitalized or been suicidal.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

4-13-12

I am so weird! I went to a great deal of trouble - I mean a LOT of trouble to get this appointment with this psychiatrist. And you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking that I better have one more drunken night before I start treatment. :upset: What is wrong with my brain?? I mean seriously? I am trying to get better but before I get better, I've got to repeat the same behavior?? This just does not make sense.

Sunshine_gg posted something that hit home with me today. So, I am going to put it here so I can see it.

I now examine the thought in its entirety.

1. It ain't a glass, I'm gonna have. More like a pitcher.
2. It ain't gonna be one. It'll be a bottle or more.
3. Stuff will get left half done.
4. I'll likely pass out for a 'nap'.
5. I'll wake up dehydrated, anxious, and with that lovely self loathing.
6. I'll tippy toe around my partner to feel out whether he knows and whether I said or did anything stupid.
7. I'll desperately try to remember what I did with the empty bottle(s).
8.Oh... and where's the pitcher?
9. I'll check my email and FB and prepare for damage control.
And on and on and on and on....

By this time, I'm friggin exhausted. No thanks.

Maybe if I read this over & over again, it will finally sink into this brain of mine!!!!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

My life has been a series
of wonderful experiences.
It's a pity I wasn't there
for most of them.
.........Portia Nelson

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

My life has been a series
of wonderful experiences.
It's a pity I wasn't there
for most of them.

.........Portia Nelson






.

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

Come on Nora.....think of me babe!!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

4-15-12

Going to ramble to myself a little bit here.......

First off - Mama, thank you. You are a great friend. It's wonderful that I was able to make such dear friends here.

Now for my rambling.....It is really strange how strong I feel at times. Don't even think about drinking....like it's not even an important part of my life. Then, I have other times where I can't even imagine not having another drink. Where I just want to drink so badly. It's not a physical craving but a mental craving. I don't understand it.

I am trying to work on my 'arsenal' to fight those mental cravings. The thing is that I am really enjoying my AF time. Scott and I are spending time together. We have done some projects together, we have gone out to eat, out to the movies. We have talked. This has been a good thing. I am really lucky that he is so supportive in this. He has not been drinking either.

I can't say if this 'quit' is the one but I do feel that I am in a different place now. I do feel that this journey that I started a couple of years ago has finally reached a turn in the road. I feel that I have stopped doing laps around the same road. I have reached a bend and I'm going to follow it. Simply researching and find a psychiatrist knowledgeable in addiction has helped me take that turn onto the new road.

I actually talked to my therapist yesterday and told her that part of my problem is that I start thinking too far out in the future. I need to get back to the basics of - right now, I am not going to drink. I start getting overwhelmed when i think about 'never again'. So, today I am not drinking. I need to keep it like that for the moment. I am not drinking at this moment.

Still feeling anxious about my appointment on Thursday but I still feel that this is a huge step for me.

Rambling over..........

[Hopeful mom]

Nora's journey

Nora, I've learned so much by reading your thread. You are such an inspiration to so many. I am trying to learn as much as I can to be successful. It's great that your husband is so supportive. Mine says "just quit". He has no idea what I am dealing with. I've been sick for a few weeks, bronchitis, ear infection, sinus infection. All I want to do is sleep. I know I am depressed too, just have to get stronger and pull myself out of this. I read what Cinders wrote about her relative who was a good preson, but was remembered as an alcoholic. I don't want to remembered that way either! Hang in there and take care!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Hopeful - thank you so much. You definitely have a good attitude. I'm going to have to go find what Cinders said. You are so right - I do not want that to be my legacy. My husband didn't really understand for quite awhile. But, now that I'm being more open with him and trying to explain how hard it is, he is learning. He has realized that I am not deliberately doing this and he has also realized how hard I am working on recovery.
I want to go back and read my Journey - it's hard to read sometimes. Especially, because I keep sliding backwards. But, I have put some good links and notes in here. So, I need to read thru the bad stuff, let it go and concentrate on the helpful information.

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

right there with you and love you
my family says Just Quit too and I feel so alone with some of the stuff I am dealing with...but I will get through it with the help of my family here...

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

4-17-12

Going to ramble here so I can try to unwind and get to bed. Worked all day. Came home and got a call from Audible.com and argued with him for half an hour or so. Somehow Amazon & Audible have merged something and I can't access my audio books on my Kindle Fire. I have been dealing with this for 3 weeks with numerous LONG calls to technical support. They will not transfer my 136 books over to the account that has merged with Amazon. I am furious. I just finished writing a letter to the CEO of audible that I will be mailing Return Receipt. :damn:
Got off the phone with Audible then got on the phone with my Dad. He was trying to help my Aunt find the solitaire game that disappeared off her desktop. Finally got to the point of trying to get Logmein installed on her computer so I could work on it but she has dial up and it was so slow. Finally got it downloaded and I think she hit a wrong button. Going to work on it again tomorrow. (Mind you - they are both in their 80's and not computer literate :H)
Going to the gastroenterologist in the morning. I'm nervous. Really hoping that all my years of alcohol abuse have not cause something. I know that it hasn't helped the situation. I imagine that he will set me up for a colonoscopy and an endoscopy. Certainly not looking forward to going thru those tests but I know that something is definitely wrong. I keep getting food stuck in my esophagus. My stomach just doesn't feel right and I keep getting a pain in my side. It's probably all that Diet Coke. I swear I am trying to cut back on it.
Thursday morning is my appointment with the Psychiatrist. Another appointment that I'm nervous about. :H Gee what an interesting week.
To top it all off, I'm overdrawn by $54.45. Boy, hope that rent check doesn't clear until Friday.
Oh well - at least I'm not drinking. These things will pass. Ok - guess I've rambled enough that I've bored myself. Off to bed..........

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Another good thread that I want to remember

My New AF Life is Crap

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

4-18-12

Another good quote.......

"I'm not where I need to be but thank God I'm not where I used to be"

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

"Just for today."

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

Oh crap Nora...I know all about being overdrawn...it is a regular occurance in my life....
Somethig they really talk about at AQ is letting go......giving it all to the God you believe in......
maybe that will help
I am anxious to hear about your appointments. You may only have acid reflux or GERD.....