Nora's journey

[TakeHeart]

Nora's journey

Hi NoraC,

Congratulations on your progress! I'm trying not to put a date on when or if I'll ever drink. I'm only on day 5 and am having BAD cravings. It's encouraging to see you had them a few days back, but not today!!! Good for you and keep it up!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Day 10

Take Heart - The cravings really, really do get better. Hang in there. :l

Cravings were not bad today. Just felt blah but that was from all the dang caffeine and not enough sleep. Did somewhat better today with the caffeine...not much. And I'm heading to bed at 9:30. Better than after midnight. My body needs to get used to actually going to sleep without passing out from the alcohol. Working on it.

[Tulipe]

Nora's journey

HI Nora,
Your journey has been inspiring. You have had great resolve in the face of stress, broken fridges, lots of activity, and done a great job in keeping with your plan. I'm glad you are writing every day so that you can mark your progress. Hope you have a great day.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Day 11

Thank you so much Tulipe for your words of encouragement. I really, really appreciate them.

Glad that it's Friday night. Going to sleep in tomorrow morning. Kids have been bickering and I got irritable. Not real bad but enough that I left the room for a few minutes. Funny - I'm used to just holding everything in. Probably a lot of my problem. I am learning to tell hubby that I need to take a few minutes. He is being extremely supportive. Really encouraging me and helping me on this journey. I'm sure it's not easy for him either. He hasn't been drinking either. He wasn't as bad as I was but he certainly enjoyed having a beer or two. The difference is that he can stop at a beer or two. I can't! I want more - then I want a few shots to go with it. I'm really not having cravings. I'm so thankful for that. I'm still working on tryng to find a good combination of the stuff I'm taking though. I do know that the L-Gluatime does help me. I haven't quite figured out if the Kudzu is helping and how it is going to fit in the mxture. I need to do some more experimenting. I am still taking the one 50 mg of Topamax a day. All in all, I feel pretty good. I'm just learning to allow myself to feel I guess. Going to take time.
Oh well - I am thinking about stopping counting the days. Sometimes when I think about it like that, it just seems like it's been no time at all and that it stretches out forever in front of me. I know I'm making no sense right now. Too sleepy. Ha, ha.
Kids in bed and now I'm going to bed.

[veritas]

Nora's journey

Nora:goodjob:keep it up. Its great that you have such a supportive husband. Keep going.

[Cinders]

Nora's journey

Nora,

Your thread is very inspiring. I am quite sure you are helping many who log in and just read.

I agree, a supportive hubby is a God sent blessing for you. Learning how to deal with the everyday stresses sober is critical to staying sober.

You are on your way.

Cindi

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Day 12

Thanks Veritas & Cindi so much for your kind words. If my rambling gives anyone any comfort or any encouragement, I would be honored. I started writing this journey down because I realized that I am going to have some tough days ahead of me. I went thru some cravings and did ok. But, I am going to have to learn how to deal with my stress in a different way. That is going to be the hard part. Today, I was getting sort of stressed. I don't know if that is exactly the right word. The kids were at each other again. Just fighting and it went on & on. I finally just decided to go to the market. We were out of Diet Coke and needed to get some stuff for dinner. As I'm walking around the store, I realized that I normally would have been buying alcohol to deal with this. I was not having cravings - I was being very analytical about it. I need to pay attention to these things and learn different coping mechanisms. Also, some of it is just habit. I am learning. I am also being very careful to stay on top of my supplements. Those seem to make the difference.
Well - talk about rambling. Geez. Oh well...hopefully will be able to keep the kids entertained tomorrow and they will get along better. Probably missing Mommy & Daddy quite a bit by now. Daddy has been gone for almost 2 months and Mommy has been gone for a week now. Sure is hard for a military family. I'm sure going to miss them when the move to Italy. We went to a 'Friends of the Library' bookstore today and my niece found a childs Italian language book. She was happy about that.
Thankful for my loving family and for another AF day!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Day 13

Well, this is really going to be a vent. I need to get it out instead of keeping things bottled up. If anybody tries to read this, I apolgize right up front.
Slept in until 10:00 this morning. Wonderful. Have been having a great relaxing morning, lazing in bed.
Scott has been coming in & out - brought in some clothes. Then was telling me about a meltdown this morning with the kids. Then he came back in and complained of his breathing problems. Then he came back in and started complaining about all the bags of clothes that are out in the garage that our son needs to go thru (more on that later). Then he came in and started telling me that his hand has been trying to have 'attacks' all morning. Then he came in holding a banana and an apple that had been chewed on. We have a mouse!!!!!
About a month ago, we discovered droppings. Set traps and did everything. Never caught anything but have had no more evidence at all. Found a lot of droppings in our sons room. Made him pick up all his clothes (he had them all on the floor - grr - 22 years old!!) and we put them in garbage bags & put them in the garage. We had traps set and never caught anything. But after a few days, no droppings anywhere in the house. We thought it was gone. Especially after our cat caught a mouse outside. Now, we know there is a mouse in the house again. I'm going to go nuts.
Now he is in here muttering to himself & sighing trying to get his MP3 Player to work. Getting frustrated and sighing. I wish I could explain the way he is. It makes me so tense. He just said in a very tight voice, I wish I could throw this across the room because I can't figure it out.
He now just came in & asked me to call next door to check on our nephew because he is over there playing. After I am dialing, he said we can have him come home & go to the bathroom. I talked to my neighbor, he said he's doing fine, the boys are playing. I hung up and Scott said my point was we could have had Buddy come home so there wouldn't be a problem. So then why didn't Scott call himself.
Scott had a brain hemoraghe about 10 years ago and still has some type of right sided problems. Nothing that you can see. But, he can feel them. They took his license away so he can't drive. Plus, he has degenerative disc problems in his neck and had a car accident which made that so much worse. So he has been disabled and not working for the past 10 years. I am the one that takes care of everyone. That is my job.
I need to get up & get dressed & go buy mouse traps. I need to not go to the store right now. Day 13. I WILL NOT DRINK! I like being AF. I am not going to let this bring me down. I can control my own moods & behavior. I cannot control his. Or even the mouse for that matter.:H

[comet075]

Nora's journey

You are so wonderful, all of you. Ruby, a tradjedy really.. Read A tree grows in Brooklyn, kinda the same story.You will cry but be encouraged too by this story. Betty Smith author. I so admire it one of my kids got me a first edition. It is old.Very sensitive story bout a lovin Dad who is a hopeless alkie. Great read. And Startingover, great advice. Writing it down impacts the mind to recall and solve, thanks.You are all wonderful, really! Do not remember how I found you only so happy I did. Another thankyou prayer to say, and I do, everyday.

[comet075]

Nora's journey

Norac, a mouse is more afraid of you than you are of it. I know, disease all that, it is just a little creature, do not panic, I am hurt. The cat killed three in the last month. Brings it to the dining room everytime. Glad not my bed! Harmless, really, for me anyway, as long as they do not "take over" Relax. Sounds like you got enough beside the mice. Relax. You can only do you not everyone else, do not forget this.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Thanks Comet..I still prefer for the mouse to live outside. :H

I'm much better now. I am learning how to vent. I called my best friend (she's the one who is aware of my struggles) and I vented and vented and vented. I finally got all done. She was amazed. She told me that she was so HAPPY - that I never do this. She said that I always start and that I then stop and just say oh well and start making excuses for everyone. She just kept saying how proud she was of me to actually let it out instead of bottling it up.
Anyway, I feel so much better. I took my supplements and Topamax and took some deep breaths. I thought about deleting my post but I am not. I started this journal so that I would be able to refer back to it to help myself thru hard times.
I'm so glad that I found this group. :l

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Day 14

Nothing really new. Another AF day. Yahoo!!!
I really like this feeling. Not worrying about what I said when I was drunk. Not worrying about hiding the bottles. Not feeling that awful dark cloud of guilt & regret. I didn't have to worry about people digging thru our trash cans out front this week to look for bottles. What a relief to not have to listen to the clinking of the bottles echoing throughout the neighborhood. I was trying to figure it out & I was probably throwing away somewhere between $200-$300/month. Can you believe that??? Just throwing money away. That is ridiculous.
Gosh dang mouse/rat is still winning. :nutso:

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Day 15

No cravings today. Had stress but no cravings. Learning to deal with it in other ways I guess. Suire it's going to be a long learning process.

The latest on my rat saga:

RAT IS WINNING!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!

I also smashed my finger in a big rat trap. OUCH! I'm sure there is are rats laughing all over the place now.

:egad::durn:

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Day 16

MAJOR cravings today. :upset: Much stress today. Bad headache. Ready to slip back into old habits. I won't today. But, I'm very grateful that we're babysitting. I would have had a very hard time today otherwise. I can tell that I would have a major struggle when I head home from work today otherwise. I honestly don't know why. I have been doing very well.
I realize that I'm going to have to come up with a plan for days like this once the kids go home. I know that Scott will be happy to work with me but sometimes he is part of the problem. So, that is something I am going to really have to focus on and work on. When I have days like this.....I am going to put ME first. Take care of MY needs. I must do what I need so that I can avoid that urge to stop by the store and buy that bottle(s).
Ok - back to work. I sure hope that this mood passes.

[Cinders]

Nora's journey

Nora,

Every time you tackle these cravings and win makes the next time easier. It is that simple.

If you give in, it makes restarting difficult.

It is a viscious cycle. Just remember that beating the cravings will eventually become less and less of a struggle.

I am very proud of how you are doing and how well you are managing this.

Cindi