Nora's journey

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

5-6-12

Mish - thank you so much for writing to me. I am getting better. But, I'm not quite there yet. Drank Friday & Saturday nights. Took an antabuse today. That will keep me AF for the rest of the week. I have my medical tests on Thursday and then I can get back on the Antabuse and the Naltrexone. I do think that the Nal is helping even in the half dosage. Once I was off it, I started having cravings.
Things are better. I just need to keep going forward. We are doing so much better as a family. I need to focus on that. i just need to keep the good things in my head.

[Mish]

Nora's journey

I'm so grateful for Baclofen, Nora. This past month has really put me to the test, believe me...but not even one teeny weeny craving did I have. I think if I was going to break down, this would have been the straw that broke the camel's back. During the events I've posted about on the Journey thread and the ones I have yet to chronicle, I've been often in the company of drinkers and smokers and yet I've not been tempted. All Hail Baclofen. I wish there was such a pill for you.

Ashe totally trashed herself on the Friday after the events I wrote of today. Marcy and Joe (Ashe's MIL and BIL) came down on the Friday to give Chris some money so he could go to work on the Monday (that was the day he was fired), and they were drinking heaps. Ashe was terribly loud and funny...letting off steam after her nightmare fortnight I guess. On Saturday afternoon when she emerged looking like death warmed over I used a line she used to say to me...."Little bit pissy last night were we dear?" Well, I enjoyed it.

Keep strong Nora. I know you can do it.

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

I know you can do it too Nora...love you

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

Beautiful family Tony!

[IAD]

Nora's journey

Thanks Mama......and Good morning to you and all other lurkers in Nora's Journey ! Ha!

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

where do you find this stuff??

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Tony that was hilarious!!!!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

5-12-12

Well, here I am once again. I had my colonoscopy and endoscopy on Thursday. Have some diverticulosis and a hiatal hernia. Also, some inflammation in my esophagus. Took several biopsies but he thinks it is ok.

So, the intelligent thing to do after having those tests was to drink yesterday. I feel crummy. My esophagus burns. I really was stupid.

So, what have I decided to do?

I have decided that I am back on my Antabuse and my Naltrexone starting today! I plan on staying on those meds for a long period of time. I am not sure how long I can stay on them but since I am seeing the psychiatrist now, she will let me know.

I will try to exercise every day - even if it's 5 minutes on the exercise bike.

I will get some time in the sun when possible.

I will try to eat healthy.

I will spend quality time with my husband.

I will reach out to my friends here when I need support instead of keeping it in my head.

I am ready to get serious about this again. I can do this. I will use the meds as a tool to help me for now while I develop good habits.

Today is Day 1. I hope I never have to say that again.

[one2many]

Nora's journey

That's a damn good plan Nora! Also chart your progress here daily, it really does help, makes you accountable and then you can see how far you have come.See those days racking up!

Best of luck to you xx You CAN and WILL do this x

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

Ditto what Oney said sweet Nora!!!
Sorry your throat is burning. When do you get your test results??

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Thanks folks!! Should get the results in a week.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

13 Statements of Acceptance

Mr G posted this a few days ago. I am putting it here to read daily. I had already joined Women for Sobriety but never really spent time there. I'm glad that I saw his post.

13 Statements of Acceptance


1. I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life. I accept the responsibility.

2. Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious act must be to remove negativity from my life.

3. Happiness is a habit I will develop.
Happiness is created, not waited for.

4. Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.
I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.

5. I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.

6. Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.

7. Love can change the course of my world.
Caring becomes all important.

8. The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.

9. The past is gone forever.
No longer will I be victimized by the past, I am a new person.

10. All love given returns.
I will learn to know that others love me.

11. Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure all moments of my new life.

12. I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.

13. I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.


(c) 1976, 1987, 1993
Women for Sobriety, Inc.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

5-13-12

Thanks for the advise everyone. Still fighting the depression. And, I do need to take it a step at a time. Today I was just thinking that I'm tired of this. Tired of thinking of it. Wondering why I can't just make the decision that I don't want to ever drink again.

Well - it's a day at a time. Just a step at a time. I just need to remember that. Stop thinking ahead about it so much.

So - with that being said. Off to get pizza for my Mother's Day meal.

[fennel]

Nora's journey

Those are excellent points, Nora. Hang in there. :h

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Thanks Fen. :h

Read a great post from Byrdlady today. Someone asked if it was possible to mod:

No.

Well that's the short answer. I can elaborate. I tried to moderate for a solid year...I never drank harder. You see, when it's taken away...you panic, and then when you get it, you think that you better drink it all now you might not get any later! It's a catch 22. I have seen very few (none) who can actually control it...try as they might, you will see them trying and failing and trying and failing...just like I did. The only way to win is to cut it off at the head. One drink feeds it. This is not all doom and gloom...I would have never believed it, but quitting it totally is EASIER than trying to make it work. It is more peaceful in my head than the constant struggle of 'Should I?' Shouldn't I?' I don't know when my drinking crossed the line...but there is no going back to a point where you are not a problem drinker, in my opinion. Your relationship with AL is as good today as it's ever going to be....and it will get worse! Never thought I'd be giving advice on an AL forum, but here I am. One drink leads to another...period. Sorry! But I am happier now than I've been in the 25 years I've been drinking. You actually do already know the answer, but making yourself accept it is a bitch. It is much better on this side. I hope that helps...pick out a day and begin! Byrdie

Those words right there - "You see, when it's taken away...you panic, and then when you get it, you think that you better drink it all now you might not get any later!" say it all for me.
Right now, when I decide to drink, I have to make sure I have enough. I know that I am going to only drink for that one day or two and so I have to have a lot. I have to have enough. It is a compulsion.
I am drinking so much less than I did a year ago. But, the compulsion is still there. I think about it - about when I'm going to drink, how much I'm going to drink and on & on. That stupid voice in my head.
I am so hoping that the Naltrexone helps me to control that voice in my head.