Nora's journey

[Sunbeam]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora,
When I first started posting I wrote what I called my Alcohol Manifesto, which i gave to my husband. It contained all the reasons I needed to quit drinking, and asked for his support and understanding because I knew it would be a long hard battle. Up until then, he just thought I needed to cut back. After that, he never offered me wine again, and also said little when I did drink. He senses my additional AF effort this year, but doesn't know when I had my last drink. Alcohol problems don't make for an easy relationship, and ours is better when I don't drink.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Thanks for the advice. :l
Jennie - I have tried talking to him but I think he's just so tired of it that he can't hear me anymore. I don't blame him.
Sun - you are so right. Alcohol problems are hard on a relationship.
Hippy - I have thought of bac but am scared to be honest. I seem to do fine with the AB as long as I keep taking it.
Juja - you are a sweetie. I do hope that you start feeling better - I know how depressed you are.

I need to just stick with one day at a time and stop thinking so far into the future. I wasn't even wanting to drink. I just started thinking about the committment and it scared me. So, I just need to stick with it. :h

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

1-5-13

Spent a few minutes looking at my calendar from last year. Really great looking at all my stickers.
I told Scott that he hurt my feelings yesterday. He did say he was sorry. I just have to realize that he doesn't understand completely. He tries but bottom line is that he wants me to stop hurting myself with alcohol. He has been with me through all of this. He is tired of the drinking. Bottom line.
I am really hoping that these side effects from the antabuse will ease up soon. I'm sure it will. I forgot how bad the exhaustion and headaches were. But, I've been taking a pill everyday instead of every other day. So, I'll start every other day now and that should help too. I'm not having cravings at all. But, I think it would be a big mistake to stop taking the AB. It would be too easy to decide to drink.
I have spent a lot of time today reading different posts. Really wonderful support & information here. I have also been reading on the Smart Recovery site. Lots of useful information there also. I plan on reading more there - they seem to have a lot of good tools on their website.
I am looking foward to getting back into an exercise class. I missed signing up for this session becauses of being sick with my cold. But, another one starts at the beginning of February so I'll get into one of those.
Well - done rambling for today. :H

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

1-5-13

Wow! I was just reading my Women for Sobriety newsletter and it is talking about communication. What perfect timing. I read this portion of it to Scott. I asked him to try to hear me. This has been a problem - not just with the alcohol but many times. I think this is something that we both can work on.

Only in recent years have I become aware of the fact that oftentimes what I think I said is not what the other perceived me to have said. So communication also includes the perception of the listener to understand what we are trying to say, what message we are trying to send through our words. How many times we are made aware of the differences in observation we all have. Seven persons see a mishap and there are seven versions. But this tell us very clearly that all of us perceive all things in life quite differently. How in the world can we expect others to perceive the meaning of the words we drop in a conversation?
Communication is also difficult because we oftentimes use the wrong words to explain what we mean. Usually more is transmitted by our tone of voice than the words we sue, another great stumbling block to real communication.
Let us give ourselves a New Year's present and make it "a listening promise." Let's devote time to trying to hear and understand what others are saying. To them, saying it is very important and they are appealing to us to listen. They have chosen us to hear them. So let's give it a try.
For ourselves, we will try to be more careful in what and how we speak. We will make certain of "where we are coming from" so that we can "touch base" and "share" what we have to say. Are you listening?

I wish that I could post the whole article. It is worth reading!

[Kradle123]

Nora's journey

Nora my love :

Just reading this thread from the beginning last night. OMG it's like the page turner novel you just can't put down!! I actually had to turn on my iPad again at about 11pm because I couldn't sleep for thinking about it.

You are so hoenst and raw about the day to day struggle . So much of what you write makes me go, " oh man! So its Okay to be X becasue she went through the same thing!!
And THE RAT Saga! Near and dear to my heart at the moment..unfortunately...The other night my son went into our loft area- an open loft above our garage- and found several RATS having a party in a bin holding a couple of oodles of noodles packages!! Well we set all the traps and I took everything out of the loft but still...

After reading your saga I couldn't go to the bathroom without Luna my German Shepard. Made her sit at my feet (which she is happy to do) and then I had her on the bed with me all night...:H. Until the little vermin are dead and gone I think she'll be staying pretty close!

I'm on page 17 and am moving forward. So don't tell me what happens with the Rat !! I want to be surprised!

Anyway, thank you thank up for taking the time and energy to write your journey down. I feel like I am 'write' there with you. My only regret is I didn't start it with you in 2009/10:upset: I'd be so much further I'm sure. And I had so much to post about the Topa Section! but I know you know all about Topa by now

Well, want to get back to page 18. dying to know the fate of THE RAT- Did he ever pay rent? Was his ugly head crushed in a trap instead of your fingers? Was he finally thwarted with the Sticky Trap???? I must know :h

:l

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Kradle - thank you so much for your kind words. I was just thinking yesterday that I needed to stop clogging the threads here with my stupid journal. Thank you - you make me feel like it's ok for me to put my struggles down here. :l

Good luck with your rat. That was a horrible experience. :upset::H:upset:

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

1-7-13

I have ordered some workbooks from Women for Sobriety. I realize that I need to work on different areas and I am hoping that these workbooks will lead me in the right direction. It's easy to blame it all on the alcohol but that is just a part of it.

I know that I have a communication problem. I always have. Probably stems from childhood. When I was little, noone could understand me. My parents got me speech therapy (they had to really struggle to pay for it) before I started Kindergarten. But, from what I have been told - it was just impossible to understand me before that. I have always been shy & quiet. It is only in recent years that I have challenged myself to not be so shy. I also realize that I have just shut down here at home. Quite often I don't try to express myself with my husband. I think it has gotten that way because of his own difficulties. After his brain hemorrhage, he changed in that he couldn't remember things. He gets frustrated trying to make his point. He wouldn't understand what I was trying to say - would take things wrong. I think it just got to the point that it was easier for me to just keep my mouth shut.

Wow - I can't believe what I just wrote. I almost deleted it but I think that I need to leave it here. I think that is a core issue with me/us and I had not seen it before. I have ordered a "Communicating" workbook and a "Self-Analyzers" workbook. It should be interesting.

[Kradle123]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora:

My older sister had exactly your speech trouble as a child but though my mom was compassionate and worked with her, my dad was apparently brutal. Always called her a 'dumb bunny'. My dad was a real piece of work.
She went the other way from you and developed a violent temper, lots of acting out. She eventually grew out of the temper and went into clinical psychology but she too suffers AL addiction though she'd never admit it. Shes super bossy and bitchy but doesnt see any of this either at least not that shes admitted to me.

I think the fact you are recognizing this communication struggle in yourself puts you light years from where she is and she is now 56 and divorced. I don't speak to her much anymore.

:l. Bedtime ...

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Wow Kradle - that is really something. I have very, very vague memories of my speech teacher and the little exercises I did at home. Going thru magazines with my Mom looking for pictures to cut out that the words had certain sounds in them. Everyone must have been very patient and compassionate with me. They have told me stories of me telling them things several times and they couldn't understand and then I would just say 'ah forget it'.
I can certainly see how it must have affected your sister. Of course, I don't blame you for not wanting much contact with her if this is the way she is today. I mean who wants to deal with bossy & bitchy. :H

[Kaslo]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora, your thread is important stuff. Dont give up, and good luck w your husbamd. The longer you go the easier it gets.
K

[Juja]

Nora's journey

Nora,

I love your journal. Please don't stop writing. Once I have time, I going to start at the beginning just as Kradle did.

It's good to get to know someone in depth, too, as opposed to through our quick posts on the threads.

Love,
Juja:h

[techie]

Nora's journey

Hello Nora I am doing so much better. Thank you for thinking of me. I appreciate it greatly.

:l:h:l

[Juja]

Nora's journey

Techie!!!!

So good to see you. You've been missed. I think of you often, and hope you're doing well.

(Sorry for interrupting, Nora.)

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

You are not interrupting, Juja. I have been so worried about Techie. I am so glad that you are doing better, John. :l:l:h

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

1-8-13

Juja posted some really good points to help with depression. (Thank you Juja :l) I'm copying them here so I can refer back.

1. Take a good, long, hard walk.
2. Read a book that takes you away, if you're able to concentrate.
3. Get out your normal environment. It becomes oppressive.
4. Call a friend--reach out to someone, even if it's just to say hello.
5. Watch a good movie.
6. Read something uplifting. Traveling Mercies by Annie (?) Lamott is a suggestion.
7. Go to an auction, a lecture, a thrift store, somewhere where your attention is diverted from yourself. Ruminating is your enemy.
8. Bake or cook something different.
9. Listen to a comedy CD--Steve Martin, Bill Cosby, Richard Pryor, etc.
10. Do not drink. If you do, your depression won't lift.

I'm almost scared because I'm doing so well right now. :H Waitiing for the depression/cravings/etc to hit. So, I'm trying to ready all my ammunition for when I need it.