Nora's journey

[starty]

Oh Nora, it is so tough when our mum is sick.

Yes counting your blessings is a good thing right now. So keep counting them .....with your mum :hug:

[Rusty]

Nora, I am so proud of you!!! You are really handling this situation with your Mom extremely well, and especially since it is heartbreaking for you to experience.:hug::hug::hug Not only do you set a fine example of how to stay AF through the roughest of times, but your commitment to give our mom the best care shows what an amazingly compassionate daughter you are to your Mom. I know she appreciates and loves you. I know I do. :love:

[NoraC]

Thanks friends - there just aren't words to say how much I love my Mom. My parents were the most loving parents you could ever hope for. (When I was a teenager I didn't know that though. :rotlf I hate upsetting my Mom but after seeing everything here, it is the time to move her. And, I don't really like this analogy but I don't know how else to put it - but, it's like when you had to do something for your child that was for their best but not what they wanted. That is where I am with Mom right now. So, I am being firm in that she is coming and just trying to keep saying it in a happy, upbeat but positive voice.

[NoraC]

I borrowed this line from Cowboy

Remember, we're a step away from moving forward or backward, what will you choose....

I don't feel like I have anything to contribute to the group at the moment. I have hunkered down to take care of me and my quit.

Mom is definitely remembering about going home with me for a 'vacation'. She brings it up often and she has anxiety. I told her that I just won't let her stay alone for a few weeks while my brother is gone. She keeps saying she'll be fine. I told her a few minutes that I absolutely refused. That what would she do if she needed something. She said she would call someone. There is no one to call. My Uncle has moved. It is just my brother taking care of her. I MUST get her home with me. I knew this was going to be rough but wow - I just feel the need to go somewhere and sob. I just want her remaining years to be happy. And, she is happy here. But, I have to work. I can't move in here to take care of her.

I haven't even attempted to do any cleaning around here. I'm just doing minor things but not going to attempt real cleaning. There is not enough time and I am spending the majority of time right here next to Mom.

Shit - when did I become the adult???

So - enough whining. I am so very thankful to have my Mom. She is such a blessing in my life. I was taking a shower this morning and just said - I am turning it over to you, God.

Now to get ready to take her for a haircut. Wish me luck.

[abcowboy]

:hug: Nora :hug: It does suck being an adult at times Nora. Sometimes it would be nice to say "I don't want this responsibility anymore!" And we used to do that, let our responsibilities go by drowning them in booze. All that did was add more. You are a remarkable woman, going above and beyond for everyone! And I do the same thing for strength, when things seem that they are out of control, I just let go and let God. I find myself just talking to Him, a lot, out loud even lol. It sure helps, for me anyway. Your mom might not understand how much you love her, when was the last time you gave her a hug and told her that you love her? Tell her that you want to spend as much time with her as you can so it's best if she was with you. I don't know why, but there seems to be such a greater bond between mother/daughter than with mother/son. Use that bond to convince her.

Bubba's parents are the same. When her Dad was diagnosed with Progressive Dementia over a year ago, his Doc said he couldn't move back to the house. They wouldn't release him from the hospital till they knew he was going to an assisted living home because mom didn't understand that the disease will keep getting worse. As far as she was concerned, he was in the hospital for a month, he had new pills, they said he could leave, so he's all better now. Adam and I moved everything he needed into his new "home" because mom said she wasn't sick, she was staying in the house. One month later mom cancelled his room and we went back over and moved him back to the house. It's hard for even me to accept change, let alone people who are 20 years older. Bubba and I have talked at length about this, what is going to happen when they can no longer look after themselves. We have come to the conclusion that there isn't much else except to move in with them. It is what it is, and I should be grateful to be able to spend as many years as I can with them.

Hang in there sweet lady, even normal people have tough times. Our times seem to be a bit tougher because of what we already struggle with, but when things get bad, talk to Him and/or talk to me! I don't have quite the power He does, but I'll help however I can!

[NoraC]

Thanks Cowboy. :hug:

Yes - normal people have tough times and they get thru them without drinking. So, I am going to be normal. :rotlf: Nobody will believe that - so, let's just say that I am going to be my weirdo self without drinking.

We are blessed because we tell each other all the time how much we love her. I have hugged her this morning and told Mom I loved her. We talk on the phone every day. So, that love is strong. But, you are right in that I think I can use my bond to convince her. It is different with Mom & me than it is with my brother & her. They love each other with all their hearts. They tell each other that they love each other. But, somehow, I do think it is different.

Oh well - I am forcing her to get up and get dressed to go for her haircut. She is not that happy with me at the moment. But, she has brought up a haircut so many times that I know it will make her feel better. So, here we go................

[NoraC]

I just realized something. There are 2 cans of beer and 2 cans of margaritas in the fridge outside. I look at those things several times a day when I go out to that fridge. The first day, I saw those margarita cans and it was just a bad feeling. Then this morning when I was grabbing my Diet Coke, it was next to a can of Budweiser and I thought boy, glad I didn't grab that.
It has never once occurred to me to drink. Wow!

[NoraC]

Well - I think that I need to put some thoughts down instead of playing them over & over in my head.........

Mom is here at home with me. For the most part happy for which I am so very grateful. But, this move has been hard for her to quite comprehend. We tell her that she is on vacation because my brother is going to be on vacation. She seems to accept that with no problem and actually has mentioned that she could just move in here. But, she is very confused on where she is and now is getting confused on where she has been living before. Can't remember that she was living in Oregon. She keeps bringing up the name of the street that we lived on from when I was about 2 years old. So sad.......
Last evening and night was hard because she was so confused. She kept saying that she thought she was nuts. There was moment last night when it seemed like she slipped back into 'understanding' for a few minutes. I don't know how to explain it but it was my Mom and she was comprehending. Then, it just regressed back worse than it had been.
I knew that it was going to be this way and I tried to prepare myself for this. But, it still is hard and it just breaks my heart. I hate this disease!
I need to try to help her bathe today.

I've been doing well on the not drinking front. But, I need to stay vigilant. I am trying to stay close to this forum and I am reading some blogs. I just want to be proactive so that drinking thoughts don't creep in and surprise me.

I have seen people talking about mimosa's on facebook or ads. Champagne was my drink of choice for many years. And, I see that bubbly being poured and it reopens some switch in my brain that tells me - 'Yum - I love champagne. I want champagne'. I have been playing the scene over in my head from the first taste forward. I hated the taste of alcohol when I got married and I remember handing my glass for the toast to my new husband to drink at our reception. I play it over about having a glass of mimosa. Gulping it down before everyone else was finished. Having another one......then craving another until I've had a bottle and am feeling tipsy/laughing, then feeling tired and sleeping it off for a few hours. Then waking up all dry mouthed and wanting more to get me feeling ok again. Waking up during the middle of the night - dehydrated, headache, sick, guilty, wondering what I did or said.

So far - that has been enough for me to steer clear. But, I must keep working it. I am going thru such a stressful time now that I must stay focused.

One Step at a Time is helping me get thru each day. I don't have to think about tomorrow or tonight. I am not drinking right now and that is what keeps me going forward...........

[abcowboy]

Nora, I can't begin to describe how proud I am with and for you! The things that you have faced and worked through, and maintained your quit is simply amazing. You are a remarkable woman, one that those who are still struggling could and should look up to! God bless you my friend!

[Sunbeam]

Nora, are you doing something for stress relief? Adult coloring books are popular right now, or working with modeling clay. You can make snakes and balls with the clay, if you're not inspired to make anything else. Exercise of course is excellent, but maybe you can't get away for that right now. For more ideas, Google "stress relief activities".

[fennel]

I'm so sorry, Nora. Maybe you could make a big chart for your mom...with her name at the top and name where your brother lives, but that she's staying with you and Scott (name your location) while your brother is on vacation? It's something she could use to "place" herself. I can't imagine how hard this must be on you. :hug:

Is there any way you could temporarily shield yourself from the friends posting about mimosas on Facebook? I know there are ways to do that without them thinking they've been unfriended. Just until the holidaze are over. There's a saying going around the clubhouse these days..."My worst day sober is way better than my best day drunk". Try to keep that in mind, friend.

[scottish lass]

Just dropping by to say well done on 120 days, and when you have so much going on.
I recall when we challenged each other at the beginning of a year to make this stick - looks as if you are well on the way. Hang on tight and don't let anyone or anything take you off this path!

[idefineme]

Hey Nora, I just popped in to congratulate you on your 4 month milestone! That is phenomenal, and you ARE an inspiration!

I am sorry to hear you're going through such difficult stuff right now. I think you're doing the smart and the right thing by coming here and getting feedback from others, and just letting it out. I can't add anything more as far as the stress relief is concerned .. I think you got some good suggestions. I know I don't need to tell you to stay close to the forum for love and support. Take care of yourself, and have a little AF celebration to recognize your awesome milestone. You deserve it! :hug:

[NoraC]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You don't know how much all your posts mean to me.
Sunbeam - I do love to color so I should pull out my coloring books. Mom might like to color too. I am trying to make sure that I have a few minutes to just do something 'mindless' - play games on my Kindle, read a light mystery, etc. Nothing major but just a half hour of kicking back.

Cowboy - thank you for being there for me and so many others.

Fen - those are great ideas. I think that might help. I did print out a note that Scott had e-mailed me saying how glad he was that Mom was with us. I gave that to Mom and she has read it several times. Mom always says things like - oh she just moved in & took over - or that Scott will be glad to be rid of her. She is just joking around but I printed that out so that she would remember how much he loves her. I will make chart for her & it probably will help.

SL - thank you I am a slow learner but I am trying. I'm really glad that you are back.

Idef- thank you. Yes - I will stay close. When I start pulling away from here, I start getting into trouble.

Things are going ok - I realize that I am going to have to make sure that I get some 'ME' time. That is always a problem here - with hubby not working and not able to drive or anything, he is lonely and naturally wants to talk and interact. So, that has been an issue in the past with me not having any alone time, but I had finally realized that I could ask for alone time and that didn't make me a bad/mean person. But, now with Mom here I am really going to have to make sure that I carve out a little time for me. This morning I sat down in the hallway in front of the wall furnace just to have a few minutes and hubby came in and sat down next to me in the hallway. Very sweet & loving......but, I was trying to just wake up & get motivated. I need to remember just to tell hubby that I need a few minutes. He understands and it is just that I feel guilty for needing to be alone. So, that is something that I'm working on.

Life is good and I just need to focus on that.

[All done drinking]

NoraC,

I am so very proud of you too! This time it is really working for you and I hope you can always be 10 days behind me and vice versa. We all hold each other up here at MWO. 4 months!:welldone:

:hug:
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