Nora's journey

[NoraC]

Glassie - you are such a doll. I feel like all I have been doing is whining. osteroops::stompy2: But, if that's what it takes to be in this place then I'll just keep whining. :rotlf:

[NoraC]

I just read a great quote........

"Anything that is dragged out of the dark into the light, no longer has power over you" ..........Chonda Pierce

[Pavati]

Hi, Nora.

You rock!

Pav

[Glass Half Empty]

Glassie - you are such a doll. I feel like all I have been doing is whining. osteroops::stompy2: But, if that's what it takes to be in this place then I'll just keep whining. :rotlf:

Better to have a whinge and a whine, than a whinge and a wine! :hugesmile:

[Recidivist]

Hi Nora.
I have been trawling the forum looking for a particular sort of inspiration, I suppose.
I notice that you have achieved 9 months alcohol free, but also gather that you had a number of 'false starts' ? along the way?
That's the story of my life, quite honestly.
I'm just wondering what finally clicked for you.
I don't normally barge into people's private threads, but I am heartened by the fact that you just kept going.
Amazing work, Nora, and thank you for telling your story.

[NoraC]

Hi Nora.
I have been trawling the forum looking for a particular sort of inspiration, I suppose.
I notice that you have achieved 9 months alcohol free, but also gather that you had a number of 'false starts' ? along the way?
That's the story of my life, quite honestly.
I'm just wondering what finally clicked for you.
I don't normally barge into people's private threads, but I am heartened by the fact that you just kept going.
Amazing work, Nora, and thank you for telling your story.

Hi there - glad that you stopped by!

You are absolutely right. I had so many 'false starts' that I had about given up. I have thought in the last few months that I really wish that I had kept a journal during this time. Because I don't know why this time was different.

Here are some things that I know helped me though:

One of the most important tools for me is Roll Call - roll call was VERY important to me. I got up each morning and put in my number of days and I counted the current day. It was a little game that I played in my head.....That meant that I had already posted it and that meant I couldn't drink that day. I would have to wait until the next day.

I started giving myself a beak. I didn't have to be the person that took care of everyone except me. I allowed myself to be 'selfish'. I took time for me.

I came here and vented. I didn't keep it all bottled up.

I read a lot here! I read different blogs. You might enjoy reading Tired of Thinking about Drinking blog. I make notes of all the things that hit home with me. Different posts from here, passages from blogs, quotes, even song lyrics.

I guess that the main thing that I can say is don't give up. Keep trying. It can seem so overwhelming. I never thought that I would be able to say this - but, it is so worth it.

[Recidivist]

Thanks for the blog recommendation there Nora.
I seem to have a bit of spare time on my hands tonight that *cough* I don't normally have, so I'll do some homework. Thankyou.
Your idea about keeping a journal is not one that I've thought about before. I think now would be an ideal time to do that for reference. I never have in previous attempts and wish I had.
Sleep is elusive at the moment. I do remember that as a big physical sign of withdrawal, but apart from that I'm tracking better than I deserve to on day 2.

[mama bear]

Look Nora....you are inspiring everyone.....you have come so far, my love.

[NoraC]

You all are so nice to say such sweet things about me. Oh my head is growing. :blush:

Seriously, I came on here today to VENT. I wish that we had a venting thread. You can just let it all out. Nobody even has to respond but at least the vent is out and not being held in anymore. I hate to complain because so many, many people have it so much worse. But, sometimes just the crap of the day can wear a person down. And if you vent, it's over and it's not building up anymore.

So - here's my vent. I get tired of dealing with hubby's moods all the time. ALL the time. Everybody gets moody or depressed or out of sorts. But, he has reached a point where he doesn't even try to put a smile on his face when people are around. Which leaves me dancing in the middle trying to keep everybody happy. I'm tired of keeping everybody happy. My brother stopped by yesterday - he's been traveling for the past 6 weeks. So, he stopped by to see Mom. Hubby was having a major pain day. I understand that. All he had to do was say hello and excuse himself. But, he sat here with his sour face and I was embarrassed by his behavior.
He and my brother had a disagreement several years ago and they didn't start talking again until right before Mom moved in. Hubs was wonderful and without telling me, he called my brother to open communication so that it would be easier for brother when mom was living here. See how absolutely thoughtful he is?
But, for the past few weeks, I have been ready to wring his neck! He just came in with an article from the paper 'Taking steps to stay calm under pressure'. One of the ideas was "watch your nonverbals. Try to keep the frown or scowl off your face. If you look miserable, you generally will feel miserable. Practice smiling if you can." I don't expect him to be happy and carefree. He is in pain. But, I do hope that this article helps him make more of an effort when people are around.

Ok - rant over. I needed that.

[sunshinedaisies]

Nora ........ ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Love ya! Sun xxxxxx

[NoraC]

Wow - almost a year. Can't remember exactly what day it is today. But, it's getting close. So, I've been thinking.....

I began this journey so many years ago. But, I feel like I am where I am supposed to be now. Took me a long time, but it feels right.

I have been working very hard on ME. Trying to be the person that I want to be.......kind, compassionate, loving, non-judgmental, patient, etc. I have come a long way and have a long way to go. But, I am in a good place. I never thought that I would be happy with myself again. But, I am.

The other night - middle of the night. I don't sleep well, I wake up quite often, probably because of mom. Anyway, the other night I woke up and was messing around with my cpap mask and my headphones. All of a sudden, mom reached over & tickled me. I just sighed to myself - all I want to do is roll over & go back to sleep. But, I reached over & tickled her and we tickled each other for a few minutes. We had a fun time. I have a good memory. I am trying so hard to embrace the moment.

Last night, hubby asked me how I had slept. I told him the little story. He said you have great patience with your Mom........then he laughed & said not with me.

So - the following e-mails passed between us this morning. Neither one of us had received the other when we wrote this:

From me to hubby. Really quick note because I'm at work:

Hi there – I’m sorry that I am not patient with you. Only patient with mom. I love you.

From hubby:

hi,
*****removed actual e-mail.......but, it was a very sweet e-mail

I am so grateful for my life. Thank you all for being with me on this journey. :heartbeat:

[NoSugar]

Your post brought tears to my eyes, Nora. You and your husband (and mom) are fortunate to have one another. :heart:

[Rusty]

Same here, Nora. I guess I needed a good cry this morning! I know your family is so grateful to have you, and WE are so grateful to have you in our lives.:heartbeat::heartbeat::heartbeat:

[treetops]

Nora - what a special post. We show love in different ways.
I have endless patience with my daughter but I dont have the same degree of patience with my partner. This sometimes concerns me but its how family dynamics have evolved - and they are both good people.
Thanks Nora.

[NoraC]

Thank you all. Sometimes things happen that I would never be able to really share with anyone. They wouldn't understand how big this is in my life. Having you all to lend an ear/shoulder is so special. :heartbeat: