Nora's journey

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Makes total sense to me. I am so frustrated and all I want to do is be left alone and just let me drink. Not an option.

I started this thread so that I would have a place to turn to when I had these awful days. So, that I could see that I did have wonderful days AF. That there is so much love & beauty & happiness all around me. Thank you everyone for posting to me. It is helping me cling today. And then tomorrow will be easier and then the next and then the next.

I need to go reread Lilbit's post. I remember that it struck home with me and I need to just keeping hanging on here today.

Thank you all for being here.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-12-09 continuing saga

Just had a major meltdown at work. :upset: My niece & her family that will be moving soon to be stationed in Italy for 3 years, drove up to visit my parents before they left. My parents are in their 80's and Kris didn't want to leave without seeing them. She just called me - they had just left my parents house and Kris was crying & crying. Got me to crying. And realizing how soon they would really be leaving. How much the kids are going to change while they are gone. Kris is like my daughter - her kids are like my grandkids. A lot of previous history from when Kris & her brother & sister were little and then when her parents split how we didn't see them for long periods. They were around this same age. Everything fell on me at once. Just started sobbing. Finally went to a private office to calm down.
Is this how a nervous breakdown starts????????

[Dreamweaver]

Nora's journey

Hang in there! You can use Skype (free) everyday to talk to them. It's okay to cry.
We are all here for you!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Thanks Dream......you are right. This is a wonderful experience for them. And we are so grateful that they are being stationed in such a beautiful country. It still feels like my heart is being ripped apart though.

Ok - I have now officially just had another major meltdown. This is from ME - the person that just deals with everything. I just went on another complete crying jag while I was trying to set the rat traps - they kept snapping...I even caught my finger & thumb the first time OUCH. I finally told my husband - that's it..... I just cannot take it anymore. I can't live like this anymore. I am calling an exterminator in the morning. I have no idea where we are going to get the money for this. But, it's either that or I move out. I am scared in my own home. We think it's gone and then we'll find droppings days later. I'm scared to get up during the night to go to the restroom. So, tomorrow is the day. I am going to somehow find the money to pay for this. Wish me luck surviving the night too. I get up several times to go to the restroom. Hubby isn't going to like me waking him up to go out there first to double check that it's safe. Of course, he is still pretty much in shock by my meltdown. He'll probably do anything just to keep me from sobbing anymore.

Made it thru Day 2!! Here's to Day 3.

[ChickenNumber3]

Nora's journey

Keep your chin up Nora you are doing great!
Chicken

[MissMerlot]

Nora's journey

You hang in there nora,get day 3 over you and you will be over the hell....
Keep up with the l-glut and increase your dose if you feel you need to.I read on here sumwer that you can't overdose on the stuff.
I for 1 won't be holding back!
I'm slowly making it through day 2,,,,hour by hour....but im getting there.

thinking of you...

annie
xx

[TakeHeart]

Nora's journey

NoraC,

I totally sympathize....I also have slipped....am dealing with finances....and would be uncomfortable as h### living with a rat.

I am so sorry I don't have the "magic" words, but my thoughts are with you...

[Dreamweaver]

Nora's journey

How are you doing today Nora? We are all pulling for you! Don't let the rat win! Be extra kind, gentle, loving, and patient with yourself right now. Day 3 is tough.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-18-09

Thank you all so much for your words of support. I just totally let go of the rope and slipped back into the hole. I am pulling myself up again. It's not easy and sometimes I think it would just be easier to just let go & fall. But, I have given myself a big kick in the rump and I need to stay here even if I'm slipping. I can't get help and support if I'm not here. So, I'm back. I can't even promise that I'm going to have an AF day today. But, I am going to start trying again. It has been a week since I gave up so that is enough of the pity party. Time to get busy.

[ChickenNumber3]

Nora's journey

NOra

We are walking beside you every step of the way!
Chicken

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-20-09

My goodness - this has been a rocky path. Of course, it was before I ever made this decision too. I would start and then promise to stop. And on and on and on.......
Feeling better this morning. Working on getting days under my belt. Focusing on taking the supplements that help me. I CAN do this.

On the other hand. The RAT will not go away. I should have bought stock in all these traps. We have them set everywhere. The rat seems to be living in my son's room at night. It is keeping him awake. I woke up this morning about 5 to pounding noises. Case was trying to kill it with a broom. The exterminator we had come out told us that we are doing everything that they would do. Just suggested a couple other places for traps. He gave us some free sticky traps to use and told us to continue with the HUGE snap traps that we have. I am so tired of this. Really tired of it.

Well - I'm off to work.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

11-12-09

Well, here I am again. Have totally lost control & been drinking every day. ALOT. It is time for me to make a change. I know that I need to get with this. There are no excuses. I shouldn't be able to feel my liver. Of course, I don't know if that is what it is but I've decided that is it. :H So.......I am here. Today is a minute at a time.

[shirazgirl]

Nora's journey

Good job on day 3. You are in a good place to obtain support for those who know EXACTLY what you are going through.

Keep reading and posting! Good luck on your journey to your new life!

[aspman]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora, I feel your pain. I have been drinking steadly since I got a bar fridge for my 16th birthday, from my mum...
talk about peer pressure...

anyway, I have had great results with campral I am not sure if you have tryed or can get it or if your doctor will prescribe it, but I feel almost guilty with the results I have had from it and thought it might be worth a try for you.
best of luck mate, one minute at a time IS a plan.

[rubywillow]

Nora's journey

Nora, oh hon. I'm sorry about all this stuff. Life is hard, each day. I know. What are the right words for me to say to you, that will help, except that I CARE what path you take, what happens to you. Please join in here and find an outlet that takes your mind off drink. This is such a good place to be, such a safe place. Are you trying to trick yourself, maybe, that these things aren't happening? You deserve to be free of this, and you can. You know how it works; go back, read the stories, find the supplements or the meds that help, but commit. I'm going to bump something up just for you I want you to read, and TRULY think about. PM me anytime. Stay with us this time, OK. Yesterday is only a lesson. It's today that counts.
Rubes