Nora's journey

[gyco]

Nora's journey

hi nora,i read some of the posts to you,interesting,i wrote a hole speel earlier and lost it,wasnt ment to be,i beleive they call us care givers,even tho we have a drinking problem,you seem to be giving the stop drinking thing, a good go of it,good for you,you also need some tender loving care,you need to be told your doing a wonderful job,not just from your husband,but probably everyone around you,well im telling you that,you have a found a great place,great people,care givers,never let it go,and use it as much as possible,as far as the doctors,most people with addictions,not necessarilly alchohoic,rarely give al the details,plus even when they do,most doctors arent trained enuff on addiction,i also know,it is mandatory in the states as far as i read,they have to attend addiction classes if not AA meetings to get there dap;loma,interesting eh,i over the last year have also become disabled,like your hubby,worked 38 years,only sick twice in my life,funny isnt it,i feel guilty for being off,there are users and there are givers,even working thro our ilnesses,we remain givers,hope it helps gyco

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

3-20-10

Thanks for your note Gyco. I appreciate you not thinking that i was just whining. I feel like such a complainer.
I am so happy that I found this group and that I cam back to it. I almost didn't. I was embarrassed because I couldn't just stop drinking. Well, I finally came to the conclusion that is why I am here. Duh!! Anyway, a step at a time. Fall & get up. And start the journey again. This is the way to the better life.

[sick of being sick]

Nora's journey

I am so glad the doctor increased your medicine. Have you read the book "The easy way to stop drinking" by Allen Carr? It is really awesome! I ordered it from Amazon ($10) but I also saw it in Walmart. If you haven't read it, pick up a copy. It is changing the way I view alcohol! Love you and hope you have a great day!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

3-20-10 part 2

Thanks sobs- I will check it out. This is my hard week because hubby is gone. Let me rephrase it. This is my hard DAY. This is the day that my little voice told me that I am GOING to drink. I will be able to make it thru all the other days. But, my mind already has me buying the champagne on my way home from work today. So, I am thinking of other things to do. And, I am reading here a lot. But, I am glad that I put this down in words. Because today is not easy. Even after all these days of being AF. Today is not easy. I wouldn't worry if I was just going out with friends and going to have a drink. That is not where my problem lies. My problem is being at home getting smashed all alone. So.....today is my hard day.

[sick of being sick]

Nora's journey

How are you doing today, Nora? I hope you made it through your hard day. It sounds like every day is pretty tough for you. We all have problems. We all have reasons to drink. Just remember that drinking may make us feel better temporarily, but at such a high cost. You have done so good and I am so proud of you! I think it is really important that you share your feelings and get it out instead of keeping them bottled up. You do really need to take care of YOU! Find something that YOU enjoy, preferably alone. I love my husband to death, too, but I am realizing that having some time alone is so important for me. You are not a complainer! You are a sweet caregiver who needs to take care of herself first and foremost. We all love you and are here for you.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

3-22-10

Thanks Vicki...very sweet of you to say.
I went ahead and drank and felt AWFUL. But, I am right back AF now. I realized that I don't like wasting my evening not remembering things. I really don't. I realized that I don't like wasting the next day feeling like crap, feeling bad about my self, regret, and all the other things that go with it.
So - that was a good lesson learned. I need to remember that one. I want to be able to live without this regret. I know that there will be sadness in my life that I can't control. But, this one, I have the ability to control. I need to learn to control it!

[rubywillow]

Nora's journey

Nora, I'm trying to check in here more regularly, but I feel it is as important to be involved more in my life. I apologize for not being more involved in your wonderful thread! You have set a standard for so many in recording how you feel through this journey! And I feel it is SO important to understand ourselves through every step we take. You are an amazing person, and your desire to be free is so raw in its honesty. I'm here, as often as I can be, and you are walking the walk. Have you taken time to go back and look at your growth? I have, today, and it is astounding. Remember, if I can help in any way, I will, but you are SUCH an inspiration over the time you've been here, I can't imagine I could do better! Love you, Nora. Keep on keeping on, and keep this thread alive!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Wow - Ruby. :l Thank you so much. That meant a lot to me. I started going back to try to read thru and I never did. Maybe I will one day. I do know that I am getting to the point where I am beginning to like myself. Not there yet......but I am working on it. And alcohol is not a part of that.
Thank you so much for your post. It helped. It really did.

[rubywillow]

Nora's journey

Nora, I'm just one person. Look at the number of people who are reading your thread, vs the number who post. So many people are moved by you. My posts are insignificant; it's what you are doing that is important. I just wanted you to know I'm proud of you.
Rubes

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

me too Nora.....I have not posted here as I post so many other places but I have been reading and thinking of you......I am in t he same boat, but I don't seem to get as many af days as you do...you inspire me to do better, you really do

[willow20]

Nora's journey

starting clean

nora and all, I'm starting today after so many attempts. I have the supplements, cd, and somewhere the book. I usually crawl to this site with shame and no memory of falling asleep. wine wins every single time. I've been reading and wanting to finally get on with this and today I'm starting without a hangover. I had a great talk with my husband who also quit drinking with apparently none of my relapse problems, lucky him.
So for all the right reasons I'm here and happy to be winning this time. Thanks for the real wisdom and effort behind the your words.

[rubywillow]

Nora's journey

Hang on, Willow. You have lots of support.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Welcome Willow. So glad to have you here to share this journey with. :l

[sick of being sick]

Nora's journey

Nora, I am so very proud of you and Ruby is right...You are such an inspiration to so many people! You're real and honest and I admire you so much for keeping a daily journal! It is truly helping so many people. Stay strong and keep up the good work! We all love you!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

3-22-10 con't

Well......I am suffering from a major headache. I was having a headache at the end of last week. Allergies I thought. So, wasn't it so intelligent to get smashed. I must have a sinus infection. I am going to have to go the Doctor tomorrow and try to get an antibiotic. Nothing is helping it at all.

So.....my son went out a week ago last Friday and got totally drunk. Lost his cell phone again. This is about the third time that this has happened. He also drove home after sleeping it off after a few hours. I was so upset. I am sure that if he had been stopped that there would have still been enough alcohol in his system that it would have been over the legal limit. Anyway, he ended up having to order another phone. Finally received the phone. Then a friend found his phone in his car. All week long, I had not been able to talk to him because of our conflicting schedules. He was at college or work or I was at work. And, I didn't want to talk to him when one of us was leaving. I wanted it to be when both of us were together and able to discuss it. We were finally alone at home together on Friday night. I told him that he has got to stop this. I said that he was out - with no recollection whatsoever of where he had been.....that anything could have happened. That he could have been killed. That I could have received a call that my son had been killed. I said that I just couldn't take it. That he was killing me. And I got teary eyed. I know that he felt awful. But, I had to make him understand. He was so sorry. I told him that he just can't continue doing this. I said that he drove his car. He said that he had slept. I looked him straight in the eye. I asked him. Do you think that you were safe to drive. He looked at me and said no, I probably wasn't. I told he has to stop. I told him that I am trying so hard not to drink and he said good. And, he has noticed. I hate that he drinks. I hate it. Is this what I did to him?
To top it off. Someone I work with came in today. Her brother who is a couple years older than my son, got a DUI this weekend. It is not ok. The madness has to stop.

I love my son so much. He is such a wonderful person. He is such a loving, caring person. He is an amazing person. Have I done this to him? How can I fix it before he is ruined for life? This hurts. This hurts deep inside my heart.