Nora's journey

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Not going anywhere IAD - especially since you're holding my tail. :H:H

[IAD]

Nora's journey

I got your back Nora ! Ha!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

5-10-10

Taking my own advise and reading & posting and reading & posting. Helps a lot.

Made sure to take both doses of Topamax.
Took L-Glutamine before I left work. I've been sick all evening & just looked up side effects. I knew that I had taken way more than I usually do but since I had already put in the cup, I went & ahead and drank it. Well - that explains the upset stomach and the diarrhea. Next time I will know better. :sighbubble:
Oh well, at least I didn't drink.

Going to continue on with this plan. Got to make sure to remember the meds/supplements. (Not allow myself to conveniently forget the afternoon dose)

Heading to bed now. I can do this.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

5-11-10

Had a long, hard day today. Cravings to run back to my normal fix (the bottle) was strong this afternoon. Trying to deal with the feelings before I left work. Had the little voice playing in my head - don't take your Topamax or L-Glutamine.......go ahead and drink. You've had a shitty day. Go ahead & drink. It's ok. Anyway, played that in my head for a while. Managed to find a few minutes and was able to get on this site & was able to put out a few cries for support on a couple of threads. Then when I was able to check back in a few more minutes, people had responded and were there. I need to remember to do that. It certainly didn't take the cravings away but I was able to handle them more. I took my Topamax. I took my L-Glutamine. I cried on my way home. I came home from work without any side trips.

So, I am going to have an early night. The problems are not going to be solved. But, they certainly wouldn't have been solved if I had been drinking either.
1) Soul Sister still has an Aortic Aneurysm - hope to hear from Cardiologist tomorrow. Just to hear something to get some input on what they are going to do do. It's been a long week of waiting and everyone's nerves are on edge.
2) My son got laid off from work today. What is this going to do to his Europe trip that he has been planning for months & months? Can he still afford it? What about the plane ticket he already bought?
3) Mama Kitty has been going crazy. We already have her on Valium. She has attacked our other cat. She has attacked our dog (3 times) who is her best friend. She has attacked my husband twice. She has carried a kitten up the dining room screen and then dropped it from 5-6 feet onto the concrete. We have already taken her in & had her spayed. Got her on valium. Talked to the vet again. It looks like we're going to have to put her to sleep. We raised her since she was a couple days old. Fed her with a bottle.

Drinking will not help any of these issues. Getting a good nights sleep will help. So, I am going to get a good nights sleep. Today I did what I needed to do. I read & posted and read & posted and reached out for help instead of holding it all in. I am slowly learning. I am slowly learning.

[KatieB]

Nora's journey

Nora,
I love your honesty with all your posts.. its great that you do come here for support, you have already shown how much you are learning - by knowing that drinking will not help with any issues, and a good night's rest is ALWAYS what the doctor ordered! I find dreaming in itself to be very relieving of any mental pressures.. sleeping gives your brain the chance to process day-long thoughts and events.. and if you get enough sleep, you feel refreshed and ready to take on any of lifes challenges! We are here for you too..
Katie xx :l

[runningwind]

Nora's journey

NoraC... you have so much wisdom in "Nora's Journal"
This is one of the most inspirational Threads (my opinion), on this site
I think this is something we all should consider doing... this too me is the real truth of this journey... the struggle, the brain slowly surrendering and the triumps of this very personal but commmon thread journey... thank-you NoraC

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

5-17-10

Been thinking a lot lately. Making my plan to stay sober and my list of why I hate alcohol. Going to start with what I hate. Stealing some reasons from some friends on here and adding my own....

What I Hate about Drinking Alcohol:
? Setting a horrible example for my son
? Wasting so much of my life
? Seeing the sad look in my husbands eyes
? Continuing to drink when I've already had to much
? Tripping/Falling
? Waking up with bruises
? Worried that I might get an emergency call and not be able to drive
? Listening to the people going thru our recycle bin on trash day
? Not remembering what I did or said
? Passing out on the couch/bed
? Waking up and knowing that I did it yet again
? Knowing that I am slowly killing myself
? Waking up and looking so awful
? Breaking the promise to myself to stop


I want to remember these things the next time that I get tempted.

[techie]

Nora's journey

NoraC;860793 wrote: Been thinking a lot lately. Making my plan to stay sober and my list of why I hate alcohol. Going to start with what I hate. Stealing some reasons from some friends on here and adding my own....

What I Hate about Drinking Alcohol:
? Setting a horrible example for my son
? Wasting so much of my life
? Seeing the sad look in my husbands eyes
? Continuing to drink when I've already had to much
? Tripping/Falling
? Waking up with bruises
? Worried that I might get an emergency call and not be able to drive
? Listening to the people going thru our recycle bin on trash day
? Not remembering what I did or said
? Passing out on the couch/bed
? Waking up and knowing that I did it yet again
? Knowing that I am slowly killing myself
? Waking up and looking so awful
? Breaking the promise to myself to stop


I want to remember these things the next time that I get tempted.

NoraC I'm going to change son to daughter & husband to wife. Very powerful. I am going to hold onto this for strength. :thanks:

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

5-18-10

Thanks Techie.....It has been in my mind a lot. I am now trying to work on my 'plan' for getting thru the cravings. My problem is the mental not physical so I need to work on a plan for that.
This is going to be a work in progress for me. Actually - I think both lists will be. But, I am going to start working on the plan.

My Plan for Dealing with Stress without Turning to Alcohol
? Stop and Breath - Go into a room by myself and actually let myself breath in & out slow & steady
? Start incorporating some daily exercise into my life
? When I feel overwhelmed, get on this site & ask for help!!
? Realize that I am only human and cannot do it all
? Drink enough water - eat healthy foods
? Don't have too much caffeine

This is only a starting point I know. But, I think that I am beginning to look in the right direction. When I get upset, my thoughts immediately turn to alcohol. It is time to change that. A step at a time. Time to move forward.

[Hippy Chick]

Nora's journey

Wow Nora. I think I need to cross you name off the What i hate about drinking alcohol because that is just about exactly the same as my list!
Funny how we are all so similar yet so different. Maybe it is this addiction that makes us the same.
Keep it up. You're doing well.
HC x

[mollyka]

Nora's journey

Hey Nora, there is so much sense spoken on this thread I think I may hang out here! Unlike you I have yet to formulate a plan - I hate making plans - my life just sort of involves 'winging it' and within there lies my prob I reckon!! Well done.
Hows Hippyc, good to see you,
Nora , I noticed one of your 'what I hate about alcohol' is the 'sad look in your husbands eyes'. Yeah my fella looks sad alright but I worry that too much of this is about him telling me (rightly of course) that I must give up, and that it should ALL come from inside me, don't know it just feels not quite right?
Anyway, as I say love this thread, I know its your journal but I hope you don't mind me visiting?
Molly

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

5-19-10

Anyway, as I say love this thread, I know its your journal but I hope you don't mind me visiting?

Of course I love having visitors. This is a journal of my random thoughts as I struggle to find my way out. My reasons behind why? So, feel free to join in on the rambling thoughts,

I do think that I need to go back and read this from the beginning. I am sure that I have written the same thing numerous times. It is time to learn from that instead of repeating the same thing over & over. I know that stress is a key with me. I know that so now is the time to deal with it in other ways instead of always using that as an excuse.

I am trying for positive steps forward. I think I have found a good path to follow for now. I am sure it will get rocky again. It always does. But, I am trying to prepare myself for when it does get rocky.

So, I'm going to start working on more of the Plan.

[Hippy Chick]

Nora's journey

Good on you Nora. x

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

5-20-10

Day 4.....Still feeling strong. Oh how I hope this feeling will stay with me.

This is my new little saying in my head:

I did not drink yesterday, I will not drink today and I will not drink tomorrow...........repeat

I am not ready to say absolutely never again. But, I think I've got it covered with my saying.

I still haven't found the courage to go back thru & read my journal. Maybe someday. I'm not ready for that.

Ok - time to go to work. I need to keep my new saying ready to to repeat in my head.

[Meech]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora,

Looks like you have some new motivation. You sound more renewed in your recent posts. I have a good feeling about this!

I like your saying that you will repeat to yourself "I did not drink yesterday, I will not drink today and I will not drink tomorrow...........repeat"

Mine is "no regrets". I think whatever the saying is, if it really effects you and stirs up that motivation and internal strength PLUS it is simple and easy to remember/repeat it can do wonders for pulling you through the cravings.

I like the plan of what you will do when you get the cravings before you reach for the bottle. Promise yourself that you will ALWAYS do these steps first before you go for that 1st drink. I'm going to go on my thread today and write out my steps to do before reaching for the AL!

Great job Nora you are definitely on the right course to sobriety!
Meech