Nora's journey

[Meech]

Nora's journey

Nora sorry about the sad goodbyes at the airport.

I think 25 day challenge sound brilliant. Good one Techie. You can do it Nora.

Great advice JC!

Start Today.

:l

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-23-10

First of all.....Thank you EVERYONE for all the support you have given me and continue to give me. It means so much to me. I have gone back to Techie's Challenge and am committed. Still tweaking my plan to make sure that I have everything in place. I am going to have it typed in my phone & with me at all times. If I feel like I'm wavering, then I will call Fennel. She will do the same.

My son was in a car accident early Saturday morning. We got the call about 4:30 am. We went to get him and can not believe that he was able to walk away from it with no serious injuries. He was driving down the street at approx. 45 mph and a car made right hand turn on a red light right in front of him. No way he could avoid her. We took him to the hospital and he is just banged up and very sore. But nothing broken. He has a follow up visit on Wednesday. At least her insurance company is accepting complete responsibility. I'm sure that his car is totaled though and he won't get near enough money to be able to buy another one. So I don't know what we are going to do. But, we will deal with it as it comes up. One day at a time. A car is just a car. A stupid material thing. All I care about is that my son is ok. That is all that important.

I have spent the past 2 days having major panic attacks. I need to just get back to getting better. I need to start working on some of the techniques that my therapist has suggested. I need to start letting go instead of holding everything in. I also need to realize that I can't save the world especially since I'm doing such a bad job at taking care of me.

So, I'm happy that I'm back to Techie's challenge. I am thrilled that for the 2nd day in a row I have not had to report for jury duty. And I am thankful for my wonderful friends here at MWO. :l

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-23-10 con't

By the way......here's a picture

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-23-10 con't

And my kiddos made it home to Mommy & Daddy just fine!! They are safe & happy. :l

[PhoenixRising]

Nora's journey

Nora, sometimes, for me, when the thought of doing one AF day is too much, I chop it into hours. It makes it easier to swallow in small bites, vs a huge, one day gulp. :l

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Thanks Phoenix - excellent idea. :thanks:

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

Nora...do you have any anti anxiety medication.....it works wonders for me when I feel overwhelmed...and believe me, with an unemployed husband, a house in foreclosure, a son entering college and all the financial pressure on me, I get overwhelmed easily. When I feel the tears coming, I pray silently for a few mintues and if I get to where I feel I cannot breathe I take 1/2 of a klonopin...maybe you should talk to your doc....just a thought

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-25-10

Hey Mama - maybe I do need to ask for something for my anxiety. I have Lorazepam that I can take. I don't like to take it very often so I've been avoiding using it. But lately I have been needing to use it.

Fennel kept me going today. Thank you Fennel. Definitely without you, I would have just given it up. I was that close. So, thanks for being there and giving that extra strength that I needed. I hope that I can do the same for you someday.

Yesterday I took hubby to the Pain Clinic. We were there for a few hours. Bottom line is that I don't think that anything is really going to change. They are going to try some spinal injections. That might shrink the swelling where the compression is on the bone spurs and desiccated discs. They'll try it. He has an appointment near the end of September. Hubby & I had been talking over the weekend about things. And somehow it came up about me being overwhelmed. I tried to explain that I've taken care of everything for the past 15 years and I'm tired. So he said - oh so you have a chip on your shoulder. I just stopped and looked at him. I said Seriously? Seriously - you are asking me that? He backed down immediately and said that isn't what he meant. I tried to explain that my body and my mind were just tired from trying to be the one to make all the decisions and care for everyone. Anyway....I think that is part of my problem. And I do think that is why I have turned to alcohol. I don't have to think then. I don't have to think or do. I just numb. So now I'm trying to learn other ways to take care of myself without the hurting myself with the alcohol. That is what my therapist is helping me with. Oh well. Enough of this garbage. :H:H

Still waiting to hear from the insurance company on how much they are going to give us on my son's car. Then the fun starts on trying to find a cheap car. I wish that we could just have enough money to get by. I don't want to be rich. I just want enough to not have to struggle so hard. Oh well. We have it so much better than so many other people. I have nothing in the world to complain about. So I'm done.

Think I'll go check out Tigger's adventures.

[fennel]

Nora's journey

NoraC;943919 wrote: [COLOR=Green
Hubby & I had been talking over the weekend about things. And somehow it came up about me being overwhelmed. I tried to explain that I've taken care of everything for the past 15 years and I'm tired. So he said - oh so you have a chip on your shoulder. I just stopped and looked at him. I said Seriously? Seriously - you are asking me that? He backed down immediately and said that isn't what he meant. I tried to explain that my body and my mind were just tired from trying to be the one to make all the decisions and care for everyone. Anyway....I think that is part of my problem. And I do think that is why I have turned to alcohol. I don't have to think then. I don't have to think or do. I just numb. So now I'm trying to learn other ways to take care of myself without the hurting myself with the alcohol. That is what my therapist is helping me with. Oh well. Enough of this garbage. :H:H

[/COLOR]

Whoa...he really said that? Thank goodness he had the good sense to immediately back down!

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

that definately was not nice Nora...and u need some time to take care of you...he must recognize that...

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-26-10

I am having a hard time today. :upset: So depressed....so sad...so overwhelmed. Just so tired of dealing with stuff. Oh well - that's part of it. I sure hope I don't have jury duty tomorrow. I've managed to avoid it all week. Keep your fingers crossed.

[K9Lover]

Nora's journey

:l:l:l

Hang in there Nora! :h

[Meech]

Nora's journey

Nora,

So sorry things are tough. And you do not have a chip on your shoulder. Sorry but I really felt like giving him a cyber smack for that one. Sometimes husbands should just keep the inside voices inside. My husband is a wonderful man but is totally capable of those remarks once and awhile. I'm glad your husband backed off after that. He probably realized that was the wrong and false thing to say.

Keep remembering that we are much more fortunate than many in the world. We definitely have our struggles with AL, life, finances. But things could be worse. I hope you can focus on thoughts that will lift your spirits and the thoughts that make you sad can be pushed aside (even if for moments during the day).
Meech :l:l:l

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-31-10

Thanks Meech. :H Yes - Hubby did deserve a smack. I didn't see your post until right now. I made a snide little comment this morning about I didn't have a chip on my shoulder but I sure did wish I could stay home today. :H

I actually have been doing better. I have increased my Topamax. I can feel it getting into my system. Not totally AF but I'm getting there. I have to be careful that I don't just drink over it. But, I can tell that I just am not so 'craving' it now. That's such a great thing. I'm so grateful.

I've had a heck of a few days. Still dealing with the whole insurance thing. Waiting for them to come out & look at the car. We have had a few calls about them taking the car in to get repaired. I think we finally have got them to realize that we can't drive the car....it's totaled and they are going to send the insurance adjuster out here. Of course, once they settle they will take away the rental and my son has started back to college and we will have to immediately buy a car. I think they'll only give us about $2000.00 for his car. I don't know what we're going to do.

He went out last Friday & I told him that I had a bad feeling. He went out anyway. Sure enough he lost his phone. At least that's all that happened. It was an Android. Too bad. That's his problem. I still have mine. At least he called me this time. He said that he decided to call me before I started calling all his friends. He's learning. About time I would say. When he finally came home on Saturday, I told him that 23 years ago I never thought that this was the way it was going to be. We brought him home for the first time 23 years ago that day. We adopted him and that is the day we brought him home.

I fought off jury duty yesterday. I did not want to have to serve. I didn't want to miss work but I really didn't want to have to serve on that case. It was a murder case. I was so glad to be dismissed.

My uncle was taken back to the hospital today. He had a stroke about a month ago. He has been in a nursing home. He started running a fever and has an infection. They have called the family. It doesn't look good at all. I went to see him. He was asleep but I saw the family. All these regrets. I haven't seen my Aunt & cousins for so long. People get busy and things happen. I talked to my cousin and she felt the same way. I wish that I could just be the perfect person. We all get so caught up in our lives.

One day at a time........that is all I can do now.......one day at a time.........to a better person.........to a happier person........to helping other people..........I want to help other people.......I want to help other people...........I need to get better so that I can help other people.........

[Sunnyvalenting]

Nora's journey

Nora,
Have you considered baclofen. Looks like you have given topa a lot of trials. May want to try something different. It is working for me and for several people I know.
Good Luck
Sunny