Nora's journey

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

maybe you can write him a letter???
Nora...you can't put him in a plastic bubble.....he needs to learn from this. Your hubs is right...relax....and stay on the anatabuse...think of me every time u take one!!

[Ringing Cedars]

Nora's journey

Hey Nora~~thinking of you and hoping your day was good! You have a lot on your place girl! Don't forget to look after you and respect your boundaries.:l:h:l

[mollyka]

Nora's journey

Nora, what you wrote is so honest and caring and shows how fragile you are. I think you are a brave lady, but unfortunately, as one who suffers from this horrible disease of alcoholism, I know and I'm sure you know, that until your son wants to take this onboard himself there is nothing you can do about it. Obviously you mustn't facilitate him in anyway, and be very firm about where you stand on all of this but at the end of the day, the same as me, the same as you , the same as everyone on this site - he has to do it for himself. Don't spiral down into depression - go back to the doc and take anything he suggests.
I'm thinking of you hon. the book I'm reading at the moment about depression suggests that we try and live in the moment as much as possible - not to project what may or may not happen anymore than we can help, and take joy out of any tiny little thing we can.
Sending hugs your way Nora
Molly:l:l:l

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

10-10-10

Thank you so much. Yes - you are right. I can only offer support and stand firm on the rules of the house. That is what I can do.
I am slipping into depression. I am fighting it with everything I have. I recognize it and know it for what it is. So I am fighting it. At least this time, I am not adding to it with the alcohol. I am grateful for that. I have 2 weeks until I see the Pysch. I am hoping that he will be able to help me. I do not want to go down into that darkness again.
I am trying very hard not to think about what might or might not happen. I am trying to stay in the here and now. I am trying very hard to do that. But, I can feel my mind getting the numb feeling and I can feel the tiredness taking over. I recognize the symptoms. At least that is a good sign. I am seeing it as it is happening this time. So, I am able to take steps to save myself.
That is a good idea Molly - take joy out any tiny moment we can. :h

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

Nora....take an extra 1/2 pill every day....you need more seratonin...it won't hurt you....I have done it b4 to keep the demons at bay

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Mama - I"m going to PM you!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

10-15-10

Well - managed to pull myself out of the depression. It was really, really bad for a few days. Sometimes, it's hard to know if this is just normal blahs or off days and it will pass or if it is actual depression. I could feel this one pulling me down and I was recognizing the symptoms. I am so glad that it lifted.
I have to say that I think one reason that I was able to pull out of it is that I saw it and recognized it early on. Before it had a grip on me. The other big thing is that I wasn't drinking and I wasn't adding that depressant on top of it. Big difference.
So, still on the Antabuse and I have realized that my panic attacks are all but gone. They had been really bad in the last few months. So, I guess I'm going to have to lay the blame for those on alcohol also.
I am doing very well on the Antabuse. I had a couple of days where I was crabby and wanted a drink but really it wasn't anything major. I know that I can't and that's the end of that. I don't have to play the 'will I or won't I' game in my head. The only mind games that I have now are thinking about how long I'm going to take Antabuse. So, that will be the question for the Psychiatrist when I see him on the 29th.
Casey is doing good. Trying to get his life back together. Looking for a different job. Attending Wed. AA classes on campus and trying to find another one to attend during the week. We have talked and he hasn't had a drink since this happened and has no desire to drink. I still get stressed when he's not home and I know he's out with friends. But, that is my own problem. I need to get over that.
All in all, I would say that I am doing ok. I think I'm just going to have to realize that I need to stay on the Antabuse for longer than I thought I would need to. I was thinking that I would take it for a month or two while I worked on my plan and got different routines into place. I am now thinking that I should stay on it longer than that to make sure that my new routines are set and I am strong.
I think that is the best decision.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

10-20-10

Well..I've been on the Antabuse for a month now. This really was what I needed. It has been so wonderful to not have that chatter going on in my head. Will I drink - No I won't drink...on & on.
I haven't been putting in enough effort though in changing my habits, making new habits, taking care of myself. That is something that I really need to start working on. I need to get out of this rut and the only way to do is to just get up & start doing it.
I will finally go see the Psychiatrist next week and be able to discuss my meds with him. I'll be glad to do that. I think that part of my problem are my meds. It will be nice to discuss it all with him and know what's what. I've been so overly tired and still fighting the depression.

Plan for tomorrow:
1) Get to work early
2) Some type of activity, take a walk with hubby - even using the Wii
3) Plenty of water
4) Get a jigsaw puzzle to work on
5) Try to take a few moments & let my brain STOP. Just lay here & try to read without my brain going off in every direction. Learn to relax!

Funny in reading these paragraphs below. Sounds like me.

Interesting things I found while I was searching the web:
People who use Antabuse feel liberated. That internal struggle that goes on every day, "Will I drink? Won't I drink?" is silenced when you're on Antabuse. Because drinking is not an option you don't waste your time thinking about drinking, and instead you focus more on your recovery.

Antabuse is a bridge between your two lives. On the one hand, you have the life that you know. It's not what's good for you, but it's what you know. On the other hand, you have the life that you want to get to. It's better for you, but you don't know how to live there. You don't know how to relax, reward yourself, and celebrate without using drugs or alcohol. Antabuse helps you live in that life long enough so that you can develop new habits and coping skills.

[Coco-Nut]

Nora's journey

OMG it's been a month! CONGRATULATIONS - I am going off to start a thread!!!

[Grateful]

Nora's journey

Nora-I'd like to send you a book that helped me when my son was in jail for 3 months for 2 DUI's.....it's written by a mother who has a grown son with addictions...if you are acceptable to this, please pm me your address. I feel for you and I truly know how you feel. :l:l

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

Nora...like I said...I am so proud of you...I am right behind you at 30 days, but i f'd earlier in the week....do this for YOU!!! you deserve it...glad Casey is doing better too

your antabuse info from the internet sounds like me too...dont know how to cope or celebrate without drugs or alcohol....HMMMMM

[Grateful]

Nora's journey

Mama...you'll get there....it's so much better being AF...no worries about driving - especially in the middle of the night, or talking on phone worrying that the other person will be able to tell you've been drinking....I know you love to read as much as me....that's how I "escape" these days instead of numbing myself with AL.

[rubywillow]

Nora's journey

Nora, you know, IMHO, kids don't listen to their parents, but this horrible even in sons life may be what it took to open his eyes and save his (and others) life. Have you considered the possibility of him taking antabuse too, before his court date, as another proof of his efforts. Surely a doc would prescribe it under the circumstance. This is a hard lesson, but he sounds smart enough to learn it. Praying for you.

[fennel]

Nora's journey

Nora, I'm so glad the panic attacks are gone- I have heard that they can be caused by alcohol. So weird, as we see alcohol as relaxing. The after-effects can be quite the opposite! I'm glad Casey is doing well, too. :h

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

10-21-10

Ready for bed. Very sweet of everyone to congratulate me on 30 days. It's funny because it doesn't seem like that long or hard. That's all because of the Antabuse. I really admire people that are able to do this on their own. Oh well - goodness knows that I have tried many different things. At least I didn't give up. I am happy about that. Now, I just need to learn how to live like this. Funny......what a funny thing to have to learn. Oh well.....
I've done a lot of reading on here in the past few days. Found a lot of posts that really touched me and hit home. I probably should have started keeping those. I do know one thing - this place has saved my life. I had pretty much given up. Finding the support here from people that really understand is amazing. The added bonus of becoming friends with some of them is wonderful.
Well - it's late & I'm rambling. I'm just very grateful.