Hey Nora,
I haven't 'spoken' to you for a while so I thought I'd pop by and say hello.
You do seem to be feeling up and down a lot - and the thing I have finally come to realise is that that's ok. I kept a daily journal for about 4 months and I was amazed how much my mood shifted to extremes from day to day.
Almost everyone feels like that to some extent - most people just don't make themselves feel worse by getting into the self-loathing about it that people like us do 'WHY can't I feel happy?! WHY am I so stupid/unable to cope' etc. I have always envied other people's ability to just get on with life, but I guess I don't know how other people are thinking and feeling. All I can do is do MY best and not drink.
Your thoughts turn to alcohol because that's been your answer in the past. The longer you go AF, the more you learn different coping strategies, or just accepting things and not drinking. I'm just over 6 months AF and although I still think about drinking, it happens less and less. I am actually more likely now to think about punching doors or throwing things than drinking, even though that ain't great either. But at least alcohol is not my first thought when I'm mad anymore - I NEVER thought I'd say that. Really, NEVER.
Anyway, chin up hun. Remember, overall the longer you go, the easier it is. Gotta replace the alcohol with something else though. What can give you comfort, release etc instead of mind-altering substances? (I'm not suggesting you punch doors by the way
![Wink](https://www.mywayout.org/community/core/images/smilies/wink.png)
Hugs,
K x
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