Nora's journey

[dixon]

Nora's journey

NoraC,
Thanks for finding it and posting here.
It's a really compiled of good recovery recipe.
Love it mate.
Dix

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

9-9-12

Trying to stick close to this forum. Have managed to get 6 green happy stickers in a row. Want to keep that up. :H

Fighting my biggest trigger now which is stress. I need to talk about it but I'm just not very good at letting things out. I always hold them in. I had been doing so much better in that regard but when I get this upset, I start internalizing.

Scott is having seizures again. Many, many a day. They are focal seizures and just affect his right hand/arm/face/chest. Finally got in to see the neurologist. She has upped his anti-seizure meds. Not sure what is causing this so many years after the original brain hemorrhage. Just some irritation in that area of the brain.

My Dad has been having major breathing problems. He already has COPD and emphysema. The other night he had a spell so bad where he couldn't catch his breath. He thought he was going to die. Went to the specialist and found out that he has hypersensitivity pneumonitis which is an inflammation of the lungs.

So - time to use some tools to keep me on the right path. I am picking 10 things from Mario's list to start with. :

1) Continue with the antabuse. I did take my pill today.

2) Stick close to things that will help keep me sober. I am staying close to this forum.

3) See a therapist. I have an appointment with my therapist next Saturday

4) Go to a meeting. There is a Women's AA meeting tomorrow night that I do enjoy and can attend

5) Pray. Realize that we have done what can be done for both Scott & my Dad. They have both seen specialists. Let it go - give it up to God. I can not make them well but I can love them and give support. Pray for their recovery and for my recovery from alcohol.

6) Revisit an old hobby. I am crocheting which relaxes me and keeps my hands busy.

7) Write in a daily journal. I am telling all here.

8) Spend time with your family. Spent a lovely evening with Casey & Scott on Friday night. Spending the day with Scott today.

9) Turn off your television and read a book. I've been doing a lot of reading lately.

10) Read recovery literature. I've been reading a lot here and in several books.

I don't think you will ever see this but thank you Mario. This has been such a great help to me.

[mollyka]

Nora's journey

Well fair play to you Nora! You've so much going on at the moment, it would be very easy to just become overburdened. It's fantastic to me that in the middle of all your worries, you are taking time out to keep an eye on your sobriety health. It's what we have to do, but lots of us don't when we get consumed by 'big' things. But certainly in my case there is nothing much 'bigger' than my sobriety because by drinking I would cause heartache and chaos to myself and to all that love me.
My thoughts are with you - and Scott and your Dad - as you so wisely say - there is no more you can do --- hand it over - and try and maintain your own emotional and mental health.
Take care lovely friend
Molly xxxx

[Sunbeam]

Nora's journey

Nora, I am glad to see you are also finding this list helpful. I think it is a real treasure, and if I continue working it, I will never drink again. I needed to take a broader more reflective approach to my drinking, and this enables me to do that.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Thanks Molly. :l How are you doing?

[mollyka]

Nora's journey

NoraC;1376010 wrote: Thanks Molly. :l How are you doing?

Doing really well at the moment Nora - odat an all that!! Now once I can keep my oul lad in good humour I'll be laughing:l

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

mollyka;1376020 wrote: Doing really well at the moment Nora - odat an all that!! Now once I can keep my oul lad in good humour I'll be laughing:l

:H:H:H To be quite honest, he is driving me crazy. But, I have to be nice because of the seizures.

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

I feel you Nora......hubs and I went to dinner Saturday night and he got tipsy and obnoxious and made me nuts all weekend...
at lease poor Scott can't help it......thank heavens for my Nook!
and good for you for working so hard on this

[K9Lover]

Nora's journey

Nora,
I'm so proud of you for getting those green happy stickers! You go girl...keep it up. TTDP and get them stickers up!

I have a "no-smoking" calendar too that now has 15...yep, 15, stickers on it cuz I haven't smoked in 15 days!!! I used one of Mario's tips in particular this weekend when I had TWO very strong cravings to smoke. I promised myself, my daughter AND my higher power that I wouldn't smoke. Now how in the world could I even enjoy a cigarette knowing I was letting all three of us down??? The answer is: I couldn't...so I didn't!

Whatever works for you is what I say. And I am right there with you on finding old hobbies (crocheting for me too!) and reading a lot.....Books and Antabuse have definitely saved me.

Keep up your great work Nora! I love you!!! :h

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

yep NOra....we got your back girlie!!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

9-12-12

Quick check in. Thank you so much friends for all your support. It means so much!

Doing ok here. Need to remember that I'm taking it One Step at a Time. I have a tendency to try to look to far into the future. So - today I am fine. Went and saw the psychiatrist. I got a prescription for Topamax. I tried to explain to her that I was very concerned that with all the stress I was under that I would end up drinking while antabuse was still in my system. I don't think she understood. Yes - all I have to do is take the pill. But, I have heard too many stories of people that drank on it. I do not want to be one of those people. So, I wanted something for the cravings - I was feeling completely stressed out and my gut reaction is to drink. Anyway - I have Topamax and I have started it. Not sure if I will continue it for long or not. At least for a month until I go see her again. I am feeling more in control so I did take an antabuse today.

Scott is still having seizures. He says that they might be a little bit better than they were. We will see what the neurologist says in a couple weeks. Might have to increase the meds again. My Dad is feeling better so that's a huge relief. All in all, things are ok.

I'm signing up for a Latin aerobic dance class with a couple friends. Just will be fun to get out & do something and be active. The classes start next week.

I need to work on the list a bit. Because signing up for the exercise class and going to the psych were two very big steps that I need to make sure are on my list.
I know that I will benefit greatly from exercise and from getting out & being with friends. Instead of just thinking about it, I am doing something about it. I realized that I needed help and did go talk to the dr regarding meds when I was depressed & upset. Instead of avoiding, I attacked it headon - positive step for me.

Anyway, I feel like this is progress. One Step at a Time.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

9-16-12

I had a nice session with my therapist yesterday. It is funny sometimes because when I start talking, I suddenly realize that something was bothering more than I realized.

Day 7 on the Topa. I also took an Antabuse today. Safety net, I guess. Don't think about alcohol that much but still have random thoughts about 'when' I'm going to drink. It would be nice if I could say that I never want to drink again but I'm not there. But, I don't want to drink today. And, I don't want to drink in the near future. So, that's something. One step at a time.

My Latin aerobic dance class starts tomorrow evening. I'm looking forward to it. It will be fun to get moving again. I am so out of shape.

Sunbeam mentioned that she is practicing rocking chair meditation. I am going to start doing that!! She said that when she feels things building up inside her she just closes her eyes and rocks for 5 minutes. What a wonderful thing.

My niece is coming over to spend next weekend with us. We are looking forward to that. It will be just her because my nephew is playing football and has a game. Maybe I'll take her for a little girl time too - pedicure sounds fun. Just think all the stuff we can do if I'm not drinking.

Today is only 13 days since my last drink. It feels so much longer though. I have been having so many more AF periods now. I love looking at all those green happy face stickers on my calendar. That makes me have a happy face.

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

Nora...you are making huge progree and you put way too much pressure on yourself.
I know it's hard, but wuit thinking about "when" you are going to drink. I foyu do, you do. I f you don't, you don't.
13 days is awesome. It really, really is. and I swear it gets easier.....
I wish I had a rocking chair....maybe I could pace!!!
and remember, like we discussed yestereday....every person on the face of the planet has "issues"...we just don't know what they are.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you!!!
Happy Latin Dancing.....

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

9-22-12

Still taking the Topa and doing pretty well with it. Just starting week 3 on it and time to move up to 75 mg/day. Think I might be getting a little bit of the topa dopa but haven't suffered from too much of it so far.

Having fun at my Zumba like class. I'm a klutz but I have fun.

Still using my green happy face stickers on my calendar. They make me happy. It's nice to have so many in a row. Think I'm up to 19 now.

Just finished a good book called Kidowed. It's about a woman who had two babies that were both born with a genetic disorder and died very painful deaths in their first few months. Anyway, the mother is trying to cope after their deaths and there is a part in there where she talks about she knows why people do drugs. I'm going to quote a portion of it here because it hit home with me ......

"I know why people do drugs. I have learned this in the past few months. It's because drugs are a seemingly effortless way to feel happy. It's easy. Nothing good has to happen, and yet you're happy anyway. ..............Drugs are a way to manufacture happiness. I have learned this in the past four months, I have spent more time at bars than I ever have before in my life. People go to a bar looking for happiness, and the thing is, most of the time they find it! And if you go to bars too much or do too many drugs looking for happiness, well, you get addicted and nobody's happy. But I truly believe that people get addicted to the happiness way before they get addicted to the drugs. It just so happens that you have to do more and more of the drug to get the happiness."

I think that for me this was true. I was using alcohol looking for happiness. I'm not there anymore. I still have problems wanting to use it to cope with stress.

I never realized when I started writing Nora's Journey back in 2009 that I would still be at this stage. But, I think that maybe this was the way it was meant to be for me. I have learned so much. I hope that I have helped people along the way. I know that I'm not where so many people are but I am at a good place.

[RingingCedars]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora:h
You're moving forward just as you need to and it's so good to see your growing strength!
You're clearly steadily climbing those stairs you Zumba Mama! Be proud:l