Nora's journey

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

not much time to post but you have inspired me today...I totally get the "escape" part.....but it always leads to disastrous consequences....1 is too many and 100 is not enough
Love you

[K9Lover]

Nora's journey

Nora :l
For me it was always "when Sierra goes away". Well, she was at her dads ALL last week and I kept TTFP even though I could have "snuck" in a drink or a thousand. But I'm not trying to fool her or anyone else. Besides, who knows what consequences another binge could bring about...DUI, car crash, injury, loss of job...I can't even imagine trying to live down the shame of that. All for "one last hurrah". You are a strong lady Nora and I have so much respect for you. Keep up your great work. I love you!! :h

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

12-3-13

Molly - you just described what it would be for me. Exactly! Thank you for sharing that with me. :h
K9 & Mama - thank you both too. :h

Yes - I TTFP today. I am still hanging on. I am still trying to stick to my plan and improve upon it. I don't know where all this is going to lead. He's probably going to be gone for weeks. But, I do know that in the past, I would have it all planned out. I would have been off the pill by now. I would have been at the store as soon as he got on the plane. I am really fighting that.

It is amazing to me that as much as I'm fighting against it, it is still something that is pulling me. I don't understand that. I see the scenario that Molly played out. I know that is where I would be. So, why am I still even considering it. I just don't understand that at all.

Back to work but had to stop & say thank you. You all mean so much to me. Thank you for being here with me. Trying to save me from myself. :h

[mollyka]

Nora's journey

NoraC;1594025 wrote: Molly - you just described what it would be for me. Exactly! Thank you for sharing that with me. :h
K9 & Mama - thank you both too. :h

Yes - I TTFP today. I am still hanging on. I am still trying to stick to my plan and improve upon it. I don't know where all this is going to lead. He's probably going to be gone for weeks. But, I do know that in the past, I would have it all planned out. I would have been off the pill by now. I would have been at the store as soon as he got on the plane. I am really fighting that.

It is amazing to me that as much as I'm fighting against it, it is still something that is pulling me. I don't understand that. I see the scenario that Molly played out. I know that is where I would be. So, why am I still even considering it. I just don't understand that at all.

Back to work but had to stop & say thank you. You all mean so much to me. Thank you for being here with me. Trying to save me from myself. :h

That 'pull' I s'pose will always be with an alcoholic from time to time in their lives -- we knew alcohol as the thing that was a 'reward' a 'number' a 'treat' --- a 'go to' thing that made all the shite go away for awhile --- the cunning part of the illness is that we (a bit like childbirth) can forget the bad parts very easily -- that's why I have to keep that fresh in my mind - without dwelling on it -- I s'pose the 'think it through to the end' is the best way of putting it. I think you are doing wonderfully - and it's an enormous challenge to face at your stage of sobriety --- but face it you must - and make yourself brave about it - - give yourself an inch and you're into dangerous territory --- try and turn it around from the 'doing without' to 'what can I do for this period of time that I'm my own boss in the house?' -- You're an incredible woman Nora and your journey is an inspiration really:l:l

[K9Lover]

Nora's journey

That's some solid advice you've given Molly! I, too, "fast forward" from the first drink to the 12th....it's not a pretty picture. Go so far as to the next morning, waking up with guilt, anxiety and shame...and a massive banging head. That will take the 'fun' right out of those thoughts! Also Nora, it's not that you "can't" drink anymore...it's that you "don't have to" drink anymore....and that is freedom! You can be super industrious and get all kinds of stuff done at home, OR you can lay around and read books...whatever you want! I read 4 books while Sierra was gone. But yeah, my floors still need to be mopped. LOL :h

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

12-11-13

Haven't written for awhile so thought I better check in. Need to stay accountable to myself.

I have not been taking antabuse for the past week. I really feel stronger. I look back on my posts and see that was wavering. It really helped to come here & talk it out. Molly's post helped me a lot. I feel so much better about things.

I know that I don't want to go back to being smashed every night or even once a week or a month. Not the way I want to be. I still have some thoughts about being able to have an occasional drink when I'm out. But, since I rarely go out that is not something that I even have to think about right now.

I have not had a drink for 99 days. I just added it up again. I don't usually keep track of the days but wanted to figure it out. 99 days. Wow! I struggled to get 1 day under my belt and here I am.

I am so grateful to everyone here. Always providing support. Just being able to come somewhere where people do understand. It helps. I am in a good place right now but I know that things can change. I just need to stay close. I can do this.

Thank you to everyone! I don't even have words to say how much you mean to me. :h

[Glass Half Empty]

Nora's journey

It's great to hear you sounding so positive Nora - and HUGE congrats on the 99 days. That's a tremendous achievement given everything you've been through this year. :h:h:h

[Juja]

Nora's journey

Congratulations, my dear, sweet, Nora.

:lipstick:
Juja

[Sunbeam]

Nora's journey

Great work, Dearest Nora. I am thrilled for you, that you are now keeping you head above water.

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

love to to bits and soooooo proud of you
It's so freaking hard!!

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Oh thank you friends. You all should take a bow. I never would have gotten here without your support. :h:h:h

[K9Lover]

Nora's journey

You are doing absolutely amazing Nora! I am so darn proud of you!!! :h

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

12-12-13

100 Days!

It has taken me 4-1/2 years of being here on MWO to get to this point. 4-1/2 years. I'm a slow learner. Oh, I've had sober periods before but this is the longest time that I have been AF.

I had read so many times of people saying that something clicked for them. I had given up that it would ever happen for me. But, I do feel something different now. I still can't say never again. But, I'm happy with where I am now.

I am just so touched by all the support......by all the genuine well wishes and congratulations. I am so very grateful to the people here. I have made some lifelong friends.

Thank you......:h

[mama bear]

Nora's journey

:h:h:h:h

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

7-4-14

Wow - long time since I've been here. Wish I could report that it has all been smooth sailing but that's not true. Trying to get back on track. My familiar refrain. But, I'm doing it now and plan on continuing. That's all I can say for right now. A minute at a time. But, the alternative is to give up and I refuse to give up!

I read an interesting quote today:
From a certain point on there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.............Franz Kafka

I think that could apply to my struggle here. I need to reach the point where I KNOW this is what I want and I CONTINUE forward instead of sliding.

Doing well now but am working on tools that I need. That is what I need to concentrate on now. I get lazy and don't continue to work on the sobriety.