Nora's journey

[NoraC]

Thanks NS. :hug: :heartbeat: I'm glad you are back.

[Wilson1]

Well, this is day 3 of my decision once again to stop drinking. When I sit and think about it ......it has been years of me saying this. Oh, I'll stop for a bit. Even a few months at a time. But......it's always the same. I start drinking again. I need to learn that I can not be the sociable drinker.
So, here I am with two full days under my belt. I have started taking the Topamax again. I have ordered the Kudzu and I already had Milk Thistle and L-Glutamine. I'm going to start with that.
I have started leaning on my best friend and my husband and son. I'm also going to learn to lean on my new friends here. I think that I have a hard time letting go and leaning on anyone so I lean on the alcohol. Who knows if that is even true or just one more twisted cop out in my brain.
So.....here is the beginning of my change to a better life......................

NoraC -this was a great first post to this thread. You are humble, honest, and simply want to be free. This was my first read of this first post. Thank you

[mario]

Nora, focus on yourself, For you to live in this tough world of ours the strength has to come with in, It is you yourself Nora that brings these thoughts bad or otherwise into your life and it is you yourself who can banish them.

It is a blue sky above you and them dark and stormy clouds are just passing through.

[Sunbeam]

Make America Kind Again - this is our new mantra!

[NoraC]

Sunbeam - thank you because that is right! I was talking to my brother today. We are polar opposites in many ways. Definitely politically. But, he has been worried about me. Texted me Wed morning to check on me. But, we haven't really talked until today. A couple of one word texts.

When I first called him, I could tell that he was just itching for a fight. I could almost feel his rage radiating thru the phone. I didn't know what was going on. But, he was going off about nobody had got back to him about what they wanted from my mom's house. He was just going to move to Louisiana and somebody else could deal with it. He was coming up with every negative thing he could think of. I was able to take a breath and listen and understand what was going on. He is feeling overwhelmed. Once I had let him vent a bit and then was able to come up with positive ideas in a calm (not defensive) voice, he was able to calm down and hear me. I was able to explain about estate sale professionals, he was relieved. He was very thankful. He apologized to me for going off on me (I don't know if he has ever apologized for that). But, we are trying.

Peace & love..........

[mario]

Good morning Nora. Just saying hi and sending you positive strength and thoughts.

[Pavati]

Hi, Nora:

Glad that worked out with your brother.

I'm feeling very blech, too.

Pav

[NoraC]

3-8-17

Interesting that I felt the need to come here and get things off my chest and as I look back on my last posts, they are about my brother. How sad that once again I have had issues with him.

I flew up to Oregon with my son & DIL to clean out my parents house. To go thru everything. I was sad but had a good attitude. Had talked to my brother on the phone about it and kept stressing the positive. We got there and he had done nothing. Nothing. He is in very poor health so I didn't expect him to have done much. But, the house was a mess. A pile of cans/junk out by the garage door that leads into the house. Clutter on every surface. Kitchen floor dirty, moldy sponges. House had not been vacuumed since I was up there over a year ago. I was so disappointed.
A few days in, I did tell him that he should have had a housekeeper come in. If he wasn't able to do it, that he should have done something about it.
I jumped in and started going thru things as soon as we got there. I had to do it all and then he would come behind with his helpful little tips.

I had been there for 3 days working from 9:00 am until about 8:00 pm. I mentioned what good progress 'we' (I) was making. He said that was the first layer and asked me when I could go back up. I said next month and - oh no, that's too soon. But, I did tell him that he better get one of his kids to go up the next time to help. Oh he couldn't do that - his son just got back from being stationed 6 months overseas. His SIL just started his master's program. Wasn't sure about his other SIL. I looked him right in the eye and said that my son & DIL had taken off work to go up there to work. They gave up pay to be here to help. I said that we would not have been able to do any of that because we couldn't lift anything. I was so upset that he acted like it was no big deal. He did finally thank them that evening for doing it.

I was able to keep my cool with him. He was very sarcastic/rude to me on numerous occasions. I let it go. My son & DIL are so upset with him because of how he treated me. They were both biting their tongues to keep from upsetting me.

I am sad that my brother is such a negative, unhappy person. It wasn't just glass half empty, it was hole in the glass. It's only the two of us and I wish we could be closer. But, I need to just be grateful for whatever relationship we have. I just hope that things will go ok when he moves in with his son's family.
I am said that he is in such poor health. Extremely overweight, smokes a lot, bad knee, bad back, COPD or worse. I don't know if he has just given up but it's like he just doesn't try anymore. He smoked so much. He went to the casino two nights while we were there. He overate constantly. He had to pick up piles of food containers next to the bed so I could get into the dresser drawers I was cleaning out. Wouldn't you think he would have picked those up before we got there? This trip has been planned for over a month. I don't think he is going to live much longer if something doesn't change right away. He's only 64 years old.

I just needed to let it all out because I am going back up in a couple of months. I wanted to just vent so I could let it go. I think that a lot of this is my own head trip because I'm expecting to be thanked.....or appreciated I mean. I took off 6 days of work after missing 2 weeks in January when I was so sick. My husband stayed here and took care of my Mom by himself. My son & DIL took off from their jobs and spent their vacation time working.

But, even with all of that there were positives.
I had a great time with my son & DIL. We got a lot accomplished. I found a bunch of old pictures that I will be bringing home to go thru. Mom & hubby did fine. We were able to have fires in the fireplace at night. We played in the rain/hail. We tried to make good memories instead of focusing on the bad ones that were around us.

Whew - what a relief to let it out. I don't even care how rambling it is. It felt good to get it out.

[Wildflowers]

Re: Nora's journey

Glad you got it out. Venting can be therapeutic. :hug: Sorry about your brother. Maybe you can reach other family members and ask for their help. It's entirely unfair, not practical for you and your kids to be doing everything.

[Sunbeam]

Re: Nora's journey

Nora, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Your brother may be dealing with depression. My sister was like that, she died last summer at the age of 64. Don't expect him to change, it seems unlikely. If you want help from his family members, you would need to ask them.

Take care of yourself, that's always the most important thing.

[actiongirl46]

Re: Nora's journey

Hey Nora . . . that is a lot to deal with. Wow. Great job on not letting that negative energy suck you down, or your son and DIL. They were obviously taking their cues from you.

Among so many other emotions, it must be painful to see your sibling in such rough shape. So sad.

Hang in there, you got this!

[NoraC]

Re: Nora's journey

Nora, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Your brother may be dealing with depression. My sister was like that, she died last summer at the age of 64. Don't expect him to change, it seems unlikely. If you want help from his family members, you would need to ask them.

Take care of yourself, that's always the most important thing.

Sunbeam - thank you. I have been worried that I was going to find my brother dead. I contacted one of his kids and explained. She called her brother and told him that until he called his Dad and went there to pack him up that nothing was going to happen. He called his Dad last night and my nephew & wife are flying out to Oregon in June. They will get a pod and get all of that loaded. Then they will drive back home to Louisiana with my brother. It is such a load off my mind. After he has moved, I will go back up and finish.
Thanks again. xx

[Mick]

Re: Nora's journey

Nora...keep it to together...with all you have had to deal with over the years ,you are a person of strong resolve,nevertheless thinking of you x

[Wildflowers]

Re: Nora's journey

So very happy to read there are plans in place. That your other family members are involved and will be helping.

[actiongirl46]

Re: Nora's journey

Hi! How are things going with mom's house today? Assuming move-out plans are in place? Thinking of you!!