Nora's journey

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

I am struggling right now. I mean struggling. I am so close to just getting up & going to the store to get some alcohol. I have take my supplements. Taken my Topamax. I am so dang depressed. I have given myself all the talks. Alcohol is a depressant - it isn't going to help anything....it is going to make it worse. I feel like such a failure. I just want to sob & sob & sob.
Why am I feeling like this right now??? Why????? I have been on the verge of tears all day long. I don't even want alcohol. I just want to go to sleep. I don't feel well. What is wrong with me?!?!?!?!

[Sunbeam]

Nora's journey

Nora,
I don't know, but the fact that you are posting here is a good thing. If you can just sit tight, the emotions will pass. You are giving up what you thought was a good friend, you miss his comfort, but he is not your friend.

[Cinders]

Nora's journey

Nora,

This has been posted all over the web today as people are in their first week of sobriety.

BB has talked about it, Liath, several others I can't remember all the names. But if you read around, you will see you are not the only one.

The first couple of weeks, totally expect your emotions to be all over the map. They will come out of nowhere and smack you in the face.

You might cry for no reason, you might start laughing at something you would never laugh at.

This is actually to be expected. All of us go through it.

Just accept that you are going to be an emotional mess for a couple weeks, that it does get better and better (it really does, I promise!!!) and if you just stick with it, you won't have to go through this again.

Cindi

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Thanks Sunbeam & Cindi - I hung in there & am heading to bed right now. My throat is hurting so bad now & almost have the chills. It's not even 7:00 and I feel like I could sleep a week. I must really have come down with something. Anyway, thanks so much for the words of wisdom. I'm sure everything will look much brighter in the morning.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-6-09

Well....my throat is hurting big time this morning. Seems to have moved into my ears. I am going to have to get up & go to work because we are broke. I am going to make a budge after this and we are going to stick with it. We should be rolling in money since I've quit drinking. Geez. We are worse now than ever. Of course, I'm spending a lot of money and my Rat. Sill nothing. Bypassed the traps and climed on the sink to get to the package of English Muffins that Scott forgot to put away.
Oh well, enough whining. I am on a major pitiy party and that is the way it is. I have to admit that this is going to be interesting to read back and see. What a terrible complainer I am. I thought I always tried to see the good & positive. But, all I have been doing is dwelling on the negatives. That is why I wanted to keep record of this. See the real me.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

I read the best post from LilBit today!! This is what she wrote when she reached 90 days and it hit home with me so much. I wanted to keep it so I could read it again & again.
I hope that this link works!!!

LilBit's 90 days

Thank you Lilbit for all the wisdom!!!!!

[Sunbeam]

Nora's journey

Nora,
I'm glad you are doing better today. It is not easy, but the battle is worth it.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-11-09


Day 1 AGAIN - Alcohol Free
Well......here I am again. Alcohol doesn't help anything so why do I keep turning to it? I am so unhappy......so why do I keep doing this to myself. I promise myself that I'm going to stop and then I start up again. I am so tired and so depressed and so disgusted with myself. I have so many people that love me - why do I put them thru this?
I need to sick with this. Enough is enough. I just want to cry.
My son didn't come home last night. He's 22 but tells us if he's not coming home. I finally got in touch with him this morning. He had told me. I do not remember. How awful is that!! I am so ashamed.

[MissMerlot]

Nora's journey

Im on day 1 again today nora.
know the feeling of guilt....all too well.
my best friend came over with wine.
i just couldn't say no.
i feel like shit today and will do for some time.
know that i am suffering with you..
wish i could get a couple of weeks under my belt.
i,like you,get really depressed,just want everyone to go away and leave me to suffer alone.:upset:
that ain't likely to happen as i have 3kids.
start your journey again today.
pm me at any time if you wish.#
i'll be online alot...

love and hugs
annie#
x

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

8-12-09

Thanks Annie - I really appreciate it. Please know that you can also PM me at anytime. Sometimes that is just what I need before I pick up that bottle. I need to learn to reach out before I do it.

I am on Day 2 now. It is going to be hard because I am so depressed and just want to numb all these feelings of guilt. Plus just numb myself from all the stress of dealing with everything and taking care of everyone. I just want to stand up and scream can't you see that I can't do it all anymore.
Anyway - I am back to my plan. L-Glutamine twice a day. Kudzu twice a day. Topamax. Milk Thistle. Lots of water and ice tea and cold drinks.

Today will be a wonderful Day 2 AF!!!!!!!!!!

[tiptronic_ct]

Nora's journey

NoraC;691077 wrote: L-Glutamine twice a day.

Hi, Nora

You might want spread out the L-Glut in 4 doses throughout the day. I take up to 16 - 18000mg per day. I start with 3000mg 1st thing, 3000mg around lunchtime, and then 6000mg late afternoon, and a final dose around 10.00 p.m. Putting a little under your tongue when cravings get really bad also helps.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Thanks Tiptronic........I have been using a powder form. I'll try to figure out dosage on it. It DOES help me control my cravings I have found.

I was hoping that I would feel better today. Not yet. :upset:

[Dreamweaver]

Nora's journey

Hi Nora,

Have you got the rat yet? I wanted to drink today. I have 6 days. I read through your post and was able to think it through. The alcohol makes me feel better at first, but I hate the feelings of guilt, shame, etc. afterwards. Then I end up drinking even more. Such a vicious cycle. I still wake up every morning and my first thought is drinking. My emotions are all over the map. I too suffer from depression. Know that you aren't alone.

[NoraC]

Nora's journey

Dreamweaver - I am so glad that you read my post & it was able to help you not drink today. Excellent job. Congratulations on 6 days. :l You are doing great!

We had hoped that we had the rat. We found one in our garage and thought it was THE rat. This morning I found droppings on the bathroom floor. It almost pushed me over the edge. I can't believe that thing is smarter than we are. We hadn't seen any other evidence. :upset: :upset: :upset: I plan on calling an exterminator but the money is so dang tight that we are barely making rent. I don't know how I was able to support my drinking days because there just is no money available. I must have always sacrificed something else so I could get my booze.
Anyway........the rat saga continues......................................... ..

[Dreamweaver]

Nora's journey

I just finished reading lilbits 90 days that you put up a link to. I could really relate to her story. Thanks for posting it. I am hanging on to the hope that the cravings and obsession will get better. Right now, a part of me (the drunk) is having a temper tantrum because I haven't been feeding the monster. Does that make sense?