How is My way out relative....

[ChickenNumber3]

How is My way out relative....

Zeppie!

Do you think Theme is okay?
Chicken

[Theme2be]

How is My way out relative....

Beautiful words ~

I am back to tappering again, with beer. It may sound odd if you have not visited to previous posts on this, but, this process helped alot a month or so.
It reared its ugly head after I thought I could have a shot or two of Vodka. It ushered in craving and that causes me to guzzle when I answer its miserable call.

I put down a few beers last night because that is how I do this and tonight I hope to tapper so I don't go through any withdrawls and I suffer from them terribly.

Thank you for caring and sharing from your glorious hearts.

[DeeBee]

How is My way out relative....

Sending you strength whilst you are tapering Theme -- please stay close.

[tara1]

How is My way out relative....

spiraling

DeeBee;672159 wrote: Vent away ((Theme))

Im scared,the more I come to admit my problem the more its getting out of control I used to be able to stop what happened ,going to try again today but having a party on friday & already anxious about that there will be AL & I really really want to stay sober & not make a fool of myself again any advice ?

[DeeBee]

How is My way out relative....

Hi Tara --
Good on you for thinking ahead and getting a plan together.
Try posting this under "starting out" and you'll be sure to get loads of replies and advice.

[ChickenNumber3]

How is My way out relative....

Hey!

Thought I might lurk here..cause I've lost direction again! The melancholy has returned...ahhh me!
*Sighs wistfully*
Chicken

[louise]

How is My way out relative....

Theme, how is the tapering going? Hope it is working as it did last month and you are feeling better and hopeful again. You mentioned baclofen - have you started taking it? We would love to have you join us in the medication section to let us know how that is going if you are.

[Theme2be]

How is My way out relative....

Yes, I have almost past through the danger point, where their is no work from Sunday to Friday.
It is when I can't fight off its call early something then happens and then on the third day I am sick.
I absolutely guzzle it without exaggeration. If someone saw it I wonder if they would believe it.
I have a friend from Lithuania who is a hardcore drinker and I downed a hardcore shot a few years ago infront of her and she said she had never seen anything like that.
I am one, amongst many that will die if I don't get this managed at best keep it at bay.

The beer tapering just works, but, after three evenings of wine guzzeling, it is so hard to keep my hands on one at a time every so many minutes at first.
The second day is easier and I am there. I have had two that I sip since 5:30. Oh, believe me come that 5:30 to 6:00 I am getting er' in.
Then move to after 6 to slow down and now it is 8ish and I am still with some of the second added by the third with ice.
I know AA friends would gasp. I understand that too.
It is just how I have to ease out of it . Nothing else has worked.

I am pretty much financially hanging on with at temp agency as this city has been hit as hard economically.
I have three days this week and it sounds like next.

I have picked up a house/doggie sitting job next month which will pay a little to put aside.
So, I fear to jump into the baclofen because If I was thrown into a spot where I could not continue and then just cold turkey stop it sounds dangerous. I follow the threads and havelute joy for those it is helping.
It inspires that someday.

I have to managed binges because they are unpredictable. I want to slam em down tonight and just escape. I have gotten caught up in the rot gut box wine which I call "tug" because when I lift it it best have some pull so I know their is plenty. I am not sure how much I ingest but I have to be ill each day until I get home, am behind the doors and the rest unfolds.
I have been caught in the matrix for a couple of years now.
I have been so full of sorrow and fear that I am going to not ever be clear.
How I long for just 30 days let alone more. I have not reached this once.
I will have a frightfull time in August as I wil have the house to myself as my relative I reside with is going on a cruise to ALaska.
I will defintely stay close. I might even exchange my personal number with another here to keep a closer contact for in the evenings, esp, if I don't work and don't have to worry about jeering eyes, I am in danger.

I went to get guitar strings on my guitar and the neck was "somehow " damanged and it is off now
to that studio in the sky. That very much depressed me for I have not done a thing artistic since I can recall.
That is part of the difficulty.

We all have our struggles and fears and hopes and dreams that are surely kept afloat here, even if for a moment at a time.

You and everyone are most wonderfull~

[louise]

How is My way out relative....

Theme, can you borrow Dr. Ameison's book from the library and show it to your Dr.? Some have been able to get a prescription from their dr. and then the cost is low as it is a generic. I do think it is necessary to taper down if you have to go off baclofen but I think that only takes a few days, so as long as you keep some in reserve for that, it should be safe. I would be happy to help while your housemate is gone - my time zone is similar - so pm me if you want to do that. I'm sorry about the job situation, I'm sure that is adding to the stress.

[ChickenNumber3]

How is My way out relative....

Keep going strong Theme!
We are here for you

Sending you great dollops of encouragment
Chicken

[42cat]

How is My way out relative....

Theme ... Be strong. You can climb out of this. August sounds like it will be a big challenge .. Now is the time to put a plan in place. Maybe getting out of the house for regular walks? Or how about taking up a new "art" type project ... If not music, what about a craft of some sort? Do you have a craft store nearby, or a department store with a craft section, that you can browse through for ideas? There are so many neat things to do, and lots of inexpensive ones ... Or how about gardening or plants, indoor and/or outdoor?

Just thought I'd throw some ideas out there.

Yes, please do stick by MWO as you go along. If I climbed out of the hole I'd put myself in, I truly feel as though anyone can ... I never thought I could do it, but I did. You can too. And the money saved is a super bonus.

Hang in there and keep on plugging away. ((hugs))

[Theme2be]

How is My way out relative....

Thanking you each individually for your considerate encouragement and "ideas".

I accept the "dollops" a round at a time , in each moment they are the strength of mountains.
It is already relief as two days ago my eyes would be swollen shut , thus, inviting "suspicion" from the eyes that judge in this house.
Part of the success since Sunday was creating project(s)daily. It is quite hot here, but, still managed to do "something" constructive. I do best when am alone, for the relative(bless her soul no matter) has a touch of lunacy/neurosis and a narcissistic disorder. The minute I walk in the room she starts "talking" her life for attention. The sentences do not connect and by days end it is exhausting. She likes to stay close to me when I have days off usually having my day planned early , thus, I am locked into her energy. And then who am I to talk?
I have disrupted her life in her house with coma's and days locked away and the like of the disorder. One thing that turned me away from AA a time back was I was connected with this hard core old time female and on the phone I was attempting to speak of the dysfuncional dynamic at this house and the connection with the alcoholism for It hit when I moved here in 2002 in the worse way with no real history and she scolded me how the relative "had to live with an alcoholic" and she did not want to "do the dance " with me and hung up. It was distressing and damaging.

I have learned to be more loving for is that not what I thirst and hunger for?
It is not a healthy place of boundaries, but, I am creative in finding some way.
It is what does lead to those moments when I have this sense of in your face when I let the devil have its way.
Terrible, myserable and disgusting, actually. It is such an abusive distortion.

I feel a sense of calm that I tapered so well last night. I actually forced the last one.
I have five more for tonight and it is my hope to not purchase again for now.
I just realized it is 9ish and for it being a day off since Sunday, I am not having the powerfull screaming and kicking tantum from within to guzzle it down as it covers up my souls freedom.

I always , instantly ,after the withdrawl process ends, begin to feel my life.
Experiencing life amongst the living does have more clarity and my senses are delicate , which is also part of my difficulty.
They need protection.
I am staying in tuned and it feels so good to be aware in the moment and yet, the insidious looms and lurks.

I experience your words meld into the form of a shield.
And yet, the liar calls me a liar and a phony. That the real me is the one destined for hell through liquidation.

In peace~

[42cat]

How is My way out relative....

Theme ... Nice job on last night's tapering progress. Those little moments where we realize we've taken some control away from AL are important, and they will add up to something wonderful .. one little moment at a time.

Keep at it .. sounds like really in touch with your feelings - the good ones and the bad - and that is a good thing ... It keeps everything "real".

Here's to a good night tonight.

[Theme2be]

How is My way out relative....

It is my reasonig that I have exchanged my ideas that are a representive of my souls energies,not to be limited from one energy.

Are we the minds with so
much brilliance to understand and interpret the formula that brings relief.


I am in nevertheless.

Why have I failed to cusion the misery and then lesten the thirst that brings the body we are born into a place of rest.

The understanding is the intelligence that stops this.

Sorry , it is the misery that wants attention..

Where is everyone?

Where are yo?

[Theme2be]

How is My way out relative....

I am already in trouble for I dont know where I posted.