Another way to look at achieving an AF life

[Changed1]

It's really quite simple and I've known it on some level, but just do something else you enjoy. Now, this can be a problem if everything you've done you enjoy has been done with drinking, but try something new that you haven't done with drinking that might be fun. Or, what I am doing right now is to clean out the shed, get rid of stuff and the same inside my house.

I'm on another forum and was expressing my frustration at the lack of community resources other than AA. A well known individual in the recovery community told me the idea isn't to spend time in a recovery group focused on not drinking, but to go out to lunch with someone, walk the dog - all of the things I learned in my rehab (I drank through) which just didn't click for some reason. Not drinking and focusing on not drinking is like watching paint dry (per the author of the email I rec'd). I do agree with this statement. His email to me was quite lengthy so perhaps I am not conveying all of what he said adequately, but I am going to read it OVER and OVER.

He recounted a story of how when he was going to a recovery group he couldn't make it past three months without a drink. He stopped going and lived his life. A friend pointed out to him one day he hadn't had a drink in over two years.

Anyway, I am not saying that going to recovery groups is not a good thing to do. It's just that I've been going to recovery groups (in and out) for 32 years (started very young! ) and the above is just something to think about for people who might be like me who are "slow learners."

[42cat]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

Changed1;673485 wrote: ... do something else you enjoy."

Hey Changed1 ... I've been trying to get my mind around that particular thought for awhile now. Like you, I pretty much know it ... but I've been dancing around it, maybe with a more complicated frame of mind that I need to have, as I search for answers, etc. ... (ie., figuring out babysteps, habit changes, a new hobby, etc.). But it really does boil down to "do something else you enjoy".

I mean .. I know it's not really that simple, as there's a lot more happening in our minds, etc., that we have to deal with ... but it IS the main idea, isn't it!

Thanks for putting it into those words. Nicely said.

[aliame]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

I spend too much time doing things I enjoy...or need to (like cleaning) with glass in hand. Now AL seems to be associated with everything I do, good times made better by it, chores made easier. I know it is all in my head, but that is the problem, because that is where I live, too. I agree Changed1 with the principle of what you say, just wish I knew how to put it into practice! How...???

[The New Me]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

Hi Changed, perhaps you can copy and paste the message from your buddy? I would like to read it as well. Of course, only if it is OK with him.
I have the same intuition about meetings - you sit there and listen to war stories about drinking, which activates your imagination. Many people said that they want to drink after a meeting.

[mario]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

your right changed 1 there are many ways how people stop drinking,not everyone can do meetings,group therapy,or online sites like this one,some people even do cold turkey,at the end of the day its what ever works for yourself,i think once you accept you have a problem then you will find a way that suits you.

[Changed1]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

42cat;673510 wrote: Hey Changed1 ... I've been trying to get my mind around that particular thought for awhile now. Like you, I pretty much know it ... but I've been dancing around it, maybe with a more complicated frame of mind that I need to have, as I search for answers, etc. ... (ie., figuring out babysteps, habit changes, a new hobby, etc.). But it really does boil down to "do something else you enjoy".

I mean .. I know it's not really that simple, as there's a lot more happening in our minds, etc., that we have to deal with ... but it IS the main idea, isn't it!

Thanks for putting it into those words. Nicely said.
Thanks Cat, but I can't take credit for it - rather the person who sent me the email. I will share a story that was posted on the Net.

A guy who had been drinking destructively for a long time walked into the local clubhouse. He walked over to a table where the guys were playing cards. He walked up to them and said, "I want to quit drinking. How do I do it?" The man who was shuffling the cards told him, "Pick up a hand" and dealt him in. The man again asked, "You don't understand. I have to stop drinking." The man repeated, "Pick up the hand." The man picked up the hand and began playing cards. As he told it years later from the podium, several hours later he realized that he had just done what he had thought impossible, to go all that time without drinking and it was easy.

I think it's a good story.

[kriger]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

I am a slow learner too. I have had almost a year sober with this June going totally off track. I am back on track and strong but I have not changed my life or my habits much. I don't drink anymore but....I need to find that "something" that I like to do. I still sit around the house and waste lots of time in front of the tv. I am focusing more on my business which is very important right now so that will have to be enough. I need to find the "fun" in my job again. What did Einstein say? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Many of us, me included, fall easily into this trap. I hope everyone finds their way and their own special "fun" thing to occupy their time. It is a crucial step in this walk to a better, happier life! Krigs

[brightlite]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

I agree changed1. Different things work for different people. I do not go to any outside meetings and honestly I am only on this site sporadically. Too much talk about drinking kind of makes me crazy. I do believe in the philosphy that you have to re-learn how to live, re-train yourself to enjoy lifes moments without alcohol and sooner or later you won't even miss it. I'm not to that point yet, but that's my thinking too.

[Changed1]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

The New Me;673522 wrote: Hi Changed, perhaps you can copy and paste the message from your buddy? I would like to read it as well. Of course, only if it is OK with him.
I have the same intuition about meetings - you sit there and listen to war stories about drinking, which activates your imagination. Many people said that they want to drink after a meeting.

Hi The New Me,

I will ask if I can. Yes, I have wanted to drink many times after a meeting and have done so. I've had more success in 11 days with you guys (and haven't had to white knuckle it) than I can remember ever having sitting in a group. I hate to even admit this, but when I was in rehab I'd get up in the morning, drink a bottle of wine and count the hours until the group (I chewed cinnamon gum). How crazy is that? And I paid a lot of money to be there!

I recently told my therapist I won't be seeing her anymore either. I feel good about it and think it's helped me too. Oh, and something else I did last night - I signed up to be a seller on Ebay. I confess I love to drink wine and buy stuff on Ebay. Well, now that I'm on the AF track I am looking around at all the "stuff" I have and feeling overwhelmed. So...I was going to have someone else sell it for me (like one of those now defunct Ebay selling stores) only to discover it's not an option. So I followed directions and signed up to sell. Now I have to figure out how to use my digital camera (impossible to do when drinking). Then I can start taking pics and start selling stuff! This not drinking thing is very productive!

[LookingToGrow]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

Changed, thanks for sharing your thoughts on AF life. I am not a group or meeting person either. I think I need to live my life as a non-drinker, rather than as a drunk trying not to drink. Does that make since?

[42cat]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

Changed1 .... Have you tried kijiji.ca / kijiji.com ? .... I've actually had way more luck selling stuff on kijiji than eBay. The things I like about kijiji are (a) that you can advertise in your area .. and people will come to your house, or meet you somewhere nearby (make sure it's public, of course) and make the transaction.... and (b) no postage required - unless your buyer happens to be from away; in which case, you can decide on a price depending on the situation.

We've sold a good bit of stuff using kijiji. Just thought I'd mention it, in case you haven't checked it out yet.

I'm really enjoying your posts, btw ... very motivating and inspiring !!

[42cat]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

Looking2Grow ... I'm trying to use that train of thought as well ... to think of myself as a non-drinker, because that is what I am working toward.

There is a lot to be said about thoughts becoming reality ... I never really used to try to control my thoughts with regard to behavior-change until recently ... seems to really help!

[prancy]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

changed1. I could not agree more with your comments about meetings. For a time I did go to AA meetings (actually several times) and one time I even got slightly over a year. Never during that time did I stop thinking about AL and longing to be able to drink it like a normal person. Going to those meetings and identifying as an alcoholic was not the way for me. One my own, I do just as well and posting here helps a lot if I need a booster. But I don't have to think about it constantly.

[LilBit]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

pipsqueak;673520 wrote: I spend too much time doing things I enjoy...or need to (like cleaning) with glass in hand. Now AL seems to be associated with everything I do, good times made better by it, chores made easier. I know it is all in my head, but that is the problem, because that is where I live, too. I agree Changed1 with the principle of what you say, just wish I knew how to put it into practice! How...???

Pips, have you ever really broken it down into just how AL makes doing those things "better?" For example, when I'm doing chores, I like to get into the swing of it, and work away at a good pace. I often find that I've worked up a good sweat by the end of it. AL seems to make me draggy, thus having the opposite effect.

And maybe the good times seem better with AL at first when they're swathed in an alcoholic haze, but after the first two drinks, what about then? Is it really better, or are you really starting to crave the third, fourth, etc. drink?

[betty boop]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

This thread all makes so much sense ........ I am so glad that I came back here ..........xxx

Thanks everyone .........BB