Another way to look at achieving an AF life

[venicebeach]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

I am 6 days sober litbit and I can so relate to drinking and cleaning , I didn't think I ever did anything sober in two years. Didn't think I could . I always said " I get the house all cleaned up then I stop drinking , never happened ... rehab s, meetings , meds....the only think that has worked is mwo and I love it

[venicebeach]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

ooops see I am soo new to this posting thing ( that and being sober ) I meant to reply to pipsqueak .
gosh I hope I can figure this computer stuff out. this is all I have right now to keep me af....

[LookingToGrow]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

Hi Venice! It takes some getting use to...LOL!! On the post you want to reply to in any thread, just click on quote at the lower right of the post and key your message. Hope this helps

[Changed1]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

venicebeach;673906 wrote: I am 6 days sober litbit and I can so relate to drinking and cleaning , I didn't think I ever did anything sober in two years. Didn't think I could . I always said " I get the house all cleaned up then I stop drinking , never happened ... rehab s, meetings , meds....the only think that has worked is mwo and I love it

And I always say or said, I'll just go get a bottle of wine or two and THEN I'll be able to clean the house. It never happens. All I do is drink and hang out on the computer. I get into trouble buying stuff on Ebay I don't need and cannot afford.

Now, my house is a disaster right now although not drinking. The truth is I hate cleaning and am going through (another) depressive cycle. What I AM doing is going through nine years of cooking magazines and ripping out recipes so I can get rid of the magazines. I am trying to declutter and cleaning just doesn't seem like a priority (no one is coming over anyway).

With alcohol, I am completely non-productive. Without it, at least I am able to take a stab at getting rid of clutter and trying to get organized.

[LookingToGrow]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

Changed, decluttering is a great way to start. Less to clean...LOL!!

[cacky]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

As a supporter of AA but not always a follower I wanted to add my 2 cents. You can do both. I just went to an AA meeting which i found that i like (one of several) and went out to dinner with some of my AA friends. I actually find people who i like in the AA meetings and we are developing relationships outside of AA. Im a firm believer of using all the tools that are available. By all means get a social lief, walk the dog, join a club....but just make sure that you are surrounding yourself with people that are healthy for you. right now..im trying to join a group who is going to run in a marathon relay race. so everyday i practice (i didnt do that when i was drinking)

[Gold]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

That makes sense changed1. It's the Law of Attraction at work, focussing on what we don't want brings more of it to us, so by focussing on drinking it's always in our awareness even if it's not drinking, as the brain apparently ignores the word not.

It makes sense to me anyway, I've spent so much time beating myself up over it is it any wonder it's still so at the forefront of my life.

As cacky says though, support groups don't have to focus on AL but opening the door to new relationships and interests. Wish I could follow my own advice!

[Guitarista]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

[QUOTE=Gold;674284]That makes sense changed1. It's the Law of Attraction at work, focussing on what we don't want brings more of it to us, so by focussing on drinking it's always in our awareness even if it's not drinking, as the brain apparently ignores the word not.

It makes sense to me anyway, I've spent so much time beating myself up over it is it any wonder it's still so at the forefront of my life.

Good point Gold. And great thread Changed, thankyou!

[Guitarista]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

[QUOTE=Gold;674284]That makes sense changed1. It's the Law of Attraction at work, focussing on what we don't want brings more of it to us, so by focussing on drinking it's always in our awareness even if it's not drinking, as the brain apparently ignores the word not.

It makes sense to me anyway, I've spent so much time beating myself up over it is it any wonder it's still so at the forefront of my life.

True.

[Changed1]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

Gold;674284 wrote: That makes sense changed1. It's the Law of Attraction at work, focussing on what we don't want brings more of it to us, so by focussing on drinking it's always in our awareness even if it's not drinking, as the brain apparently ignores the word not.

It makes sense to me anyway, I've spent so much time beating myself up over it is it any wonder it's still so at the forefront of my life.

As cacky says though, support groups don't have to focus on AL but opening the door to new relationships and interests. Wish I could follow my own advice!

Yes, support groups can do that. It's just after in and out of AA for 32 years, I can safely say it's not the place for me. I am glad if people find it useful though.

There is also another group called Women for Sobriety - based on 13 statements. I find them to be very uplifting and positive. Too bad there is no Men for Sobriety. Anyway, I've gone there and the women are all very nice and focus on how competent, caring, and two other Cs they are. It's better for me to focus on what I do right than what I've done wrong. Better to focus on my positive character traits than defects of character - sort of in line with what I am trying to get across in this thread. Do positive and fun stuff in life and the drinking may just fade away.

[aliame]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

Lilbit,
My non al head knows, you are exactly right, nothing is better with al. It's just what I've got used to, so it all seems...boring without.
Cleaning is not much fun, well cleaning's fine it's the tidying up you have to do first, so now I just associate it with a drink to 'make it easier'
I know that is false thinking, caused by al. I want to get out of that mind set, but at the moment I share my head with these thoughts.

[Kimberley]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

Hi all,

I found this thread very interesting. Every time I went to an AA group it focused me on my problem and depressed me so much that I would judt go out and have a drink straight after!

I think AA can work for people that truly believe in the steps, but so many people don't really believe in it and just go because they think they ought to and because that's all that's out there in terms of resources.

What I like about this forum is that I can come back on here when I feel wobbly and I can read about people's positive experineces of not drinking as well as remember how bad it had got from members who are still struggling. I can also choose to interact with people or not. You don't really get those things at AA - you are supposed to stick to their agenda rather than your own. There is not much flexibility.

The only reason I regret not going to AA is it would be cool to have some more teetotal friends (I currently only have one non-drinker)!

I love that people are so supportive here regardless of what you are doing to make it work for you. Thanks to all on the forum

[Changed1]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

Kimberley;675401 wrote: Hi all,

I found this thread very interesting. Every time I went to an AA group it focused me on my problem and depressed me so much that I would judt go out and have a drink straight after!

I think AA can work for people that truly believe in the steps, but so many people don't really believe in it and just go because they think they ought to and because that's all that's out there in terms of resources.

What I like about this forum is that I can come back on here when I feel wobbly and I can read about people's positive experineces of not drinking as well as remember how bad it had got from members who are still struggling. I can also choose to interact with people or not. You don't really get those things at AA - you are supposed to stick to their agenda rather than your own. There is not much flexibility.

The only reason I regret not going to AA is it would be cool to have some more teetotal friends (I currently only have one non-drinker)!

I love that people are so supportive here regardless of what you are doing to make it work for you. Thanks to all on the forum

Hi Kimberley, I am glad you find this thread interesting. I found the email to me really interesting and very helpful. I will post it here if ok with the author.

I went to a Women for Sobriety group yesterday. I don't think they are in the UK, unfortunately. I'd been to a couple before but they are on the other side of town so it had been a couple of years. Very little time was spent talking about drinking at all - no war stories, no rules, no labels. Just a bunch of women sitting around talking. It was great. We discussed GOOD STUFF about ourselves and how to make small changes in boundaries for out betterment. We affirmed our WORTH as capable, competent, caring and compassionate women. A couple of the women do go to AA and that is great if they like it. BUT, it's great to have a resource out there that is different and focuses on what we do right. And it just inspired me to do better. Become better. I want to go there next week and share more great stuff about me, lol. I think we as women really need to do that (not that men don't), but AA was started by men for men (one look at chapter three in the BB "To the wives" is confirmation of this). Anyway, there is a message board and chat for WFS online you can always check out, if interested.

I do agree that AA is a wonderful resource if a person can do the steps and benefit from them. I just don't agree with the whole philosphy so I cannot. I don't think I am powerless, so I am sunk right on step one. And I don't believe in a supreme being who doesn't have anything better to do than concern itself (notice I did not say him) with me and my relatively small problems, when the whole world is falling apart and people are dying in wars, etc.

[Kimberley]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

Changed1;675516 wrote: I don't think I am powerless, so I am sunk right on step one. And I don't believe in a supreme being who doesn't have anything better to do than concern itself (notice I did not say him) with me and my relatively small problems, when the whole world is falling apart and people are dying in wars, etc.

Amen, to that! Sorry couldn't resist :H I totally agree.

[Changed1]

Another way to look at achieving an AF life

The email that really helped/helps me

With permission from the author:

I certainly understand the position you are in. But as difficult as
things may seem, you have far more resources than it may feel like you
do at the moment.

When one has been going to AA, even for far shorter of a time than you
have, one learns that one needs "something" which isn't really defined
except that AA fills that need. But think about what AA provides in
terms of one of the other "fellowships. " For example, think of
Overeaters Anonymous if you've never had a weight problem. Imagine you
are 20 pounds overweight. What would be the best thing to do for
yourself given the following two choices.

1. Learn about just what makes up a healthy diet, take up exercising,
make an effort to do your best for yourself and to do other things than
eat. And, of course, pay careful attention to what you are thinking and
feeling and leave yourself open to understanding why.

2. Go to Overeaters Anonymous. Sit and talk about how great a chocolate
cake would be to eat. Share stories about how difficult, almost
impossible, it is to lose weight. Rather than celebrate little
successes (in the sense of feeling good when declining a cupcake) spend
all free time dwelling on what is and what might be at fault with
yourself ("morbid introspection" ).

It is late and I'm afraid I've not given the best example, but I hope
you know what I mean.

The trick isn't to find somewhere where everyone centers their life
around alcohol, but where people center their lives around things they
and you enjoy. Rather than struggling to "not drink", simply doing
something else that you like, find rewarding or believe important is so
much easier. One of the stories of a guy who had 13 years at the time
drove the point home for me, although I don't know if he ever quite got
it himself.

A guy who had been drinking destructively for a long time walked into
the local clubhouse. He walked over to a table where the guys were
playing cards. He walked up to them and said, "I want to quit drinking.
How do I do it?" The man who was shuffling the cards told him, "Pick up
a hand" and dealt him in. The man again asked, "You don't understand.
I have to stop drinking." The man repeated, "Pick up the hand." The
man picked up the hand and began playing cards. As he told it years
later from the podium, several hours later he realized that he had just
done what he had thought impossible, to go all that time without
drinking and it was easy.

"Not drinking" is like staring at the wall watching paint dry. It is
just plain torture. Doing something else (that simply doesn't include
drinking), especially something you like to do, is surprisingly easy.

When I was going to AA, it was a constant struggle to not drink almost
the whole time I was going. I never went more than a few months without
a bender. Even worse, rather than quietly drinking myself to death, I
tended to drink "like a real alcoholic." After I left AA, I got
involved with a lot of other things, more or less in life in general. A
friend of mine who left AA about the same time I did one day told me,
"Do you realize it has been over two years since you've had a drink?" I
didn't believe him until he pointed out the mile markers. "That was the
Fourth of July when . . . right after Al . . ." It was then that I
realized that it was I don't know exactly what. It wasn't "easy" or
"difficult" because both words imply one is doing something. It just was
a non issue that wasn't even thought about.

What did you do today? "I watched the paint dry."
or
What did you do today? "I went to the library and got the book I've been
wanting to read, ran by work to pick up my check stopped by the
bookstore, had lunch with Fred and Julie, and went for a walk downtown.

I found the second (which did not include one drink) was a breeze and
except for the guy cutting me off on the freeway was a great way to pass
the day. The first, I would really, really want to drink. Come to
think of it, I would probably prefer to drink.