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A lover in distress

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    #1

    A lover in distress

    It's often said of addicts/alcoholics that we are lovers in distress; that we want to give and receive love but are incapable because of our addiction.

    My idea of love has been very misguided in the past and often I've mistaken sex for love. The ultimate act of love being that sexual intimacy between two people. Love for me has come from a very insecure and needy place which has been unhealthy and very manipulating in the past.

    Believe me I have a lot more to post on this! but I'd like to hear some of your own thoughts. How do you perceive love?

    Who's game for it?

    Peace and LOVE!
    Phil
    xx
    "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
    Clean and sober 25th January 2009
    Tags: None
    #2
    A lover in distress

    I think to some people love is about what they give someone and not want anything in return, except for the other to love them too. To others it depends on what the other person can give them. Sex and the intimacy that goes with it can be given as a gift or used as a bargaining tool. Love with conditions won't last long. To me, love is wanting to share your life with someone in good times and in bad times. To be willing to do anything to make that happen. A naive version perhaps. People and circumstances change and love may not last for ever, or indeed very long at all. It can be fickle and fleeting, or rock solid and lifelong, but seldom entirely without sadness. It's beautiful to catch and hold on to for a while and watching it die is simply heartbreaking.
    Or is it just a chemical reaction that takes place in our brains honed by millenia of evolution to ensure the continuation of the species, and as a by-product makes fools of us?

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      #3
      A lover in distress

      you know I love both of you...

      but I couldnt, COULDNT help myself..

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGPb7qL-Sck[/video]]YouTube - Joe Jackson - Fools in Love

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        #4
        A lover in distress

        but you gotta admit, its a great song, isnt it? Isnt it??

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          #5
          A lover in distress

          Cool thread idea Hippie!

          In general I think too many of us go into love in almost a selfish way..because many of us look to it to give us something,make us better people and complete us. Ultimately we become disenchanted and disappointed when that special someone fails to 'complete' us and make us truelly satisfied with 'our' life! So then (male & female) we turn our eyes and hearts to greener pastuers, or look for the next shiney,vase of flowers hoping that this will fill the hole inside ourselves and make us truelly happy and at peace.

          But no one, not even your soul mate can make 'you' completely fulfilled, only 'you' can do that yourself! But a lover/partner can add to the quality of your life and fulfillment! Does that make sense.

          In saying that, since having my two beautiful daughters I will say that I have experienced 'truelove' for the first time ever! Don't get me wrong, I love and adore my husband(more and more everyday-despite the fact that he can drive me insane):H, but these too little creatures mean more to me than the breath in my lungs and the thoughts in my head. If I had to trade my soul to the devil for them I would so ,even if it meant an eternity of suffering....because they mean more to me than I do to myself! I now know what it means to truelly give up 'myself' for love of another creature!
          Hope that doesn't sound too intense or corny..but Motherhood is fr%#$g awesome!!!!
          Chicken

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            #6
            A lover in distress

            limers;680720 wrote: but you gotta admit, its a great song, isnt it? Isnt it??
            It is limers

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              #7
              A lover in distress

              true love was taught to me by my kids. It didn't come naturally, at 1st, but WOW! I don't think 'adult' love can come close, ever!
              I'll do whatever it takes
              AF 21/08/2009

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                #8
                A lover in distress

                Hippie.....Love vs. Lust.....Lust is quick and fleeting ( and quite enjoyable mate !....sorry Ha! )After awhile thiers nothing and your empty......Love is different.......It lingers and gives you security....It also gives you sense of purpose.......continuence......in your life ! Plus you have a mate that is totally into you and you to them ! A good feeling.......IAD.
                ?Be who you are and say what you feel because
                those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.?
                Dr. Seuss

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                  #9
                  A lover in distress

                  Oh wise, wise Popeye. Yes, do we not all seek love? What better narcotic can there be than to "Be in Love". The world is full of givers and takers, users and abusers. Take your pick. Love is wonderful, however fleeting, then it becomes more of a comfortable situation. One that hopefully will be uplifting and empowering to both parties involved. Hence, our addiction disables us from providing the equilibrium in a relationship, or start a relationship. If you are in a relationship throughout the highs and lows, then you have more to work with. However, it is very difficult at this point to begin a relationship.

                  I guess you can see I am a little empassioned about the subject. Good topic though, can't wait to read the others posts.

                  Everything I need is within me!

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                    #10
                    A lover in distress

                    So....it is better to love and lost then to have never loved at all!

                    Everything I need is within me!

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                      #11
                      A lover in distress

                      Love is a word the whole universe has written about for centuries and ages. In contemporary times it truly means a meeting of minds, emotions, ambitions, etc.

                      After some rocky times I love my husband so unconditionally, which means we weathered the rough times and have triumphed.

                      I could never love a person who was criminal, unemotional, lacking from ambition, etc., but 20 years ago, I may not have taken those factors in. I have never been attracted to a partner who is lazy or who has no ambition in life. I made a huge mistake with my first husband. I married early, and supported him financially through university. He has squandered that education and his life, etc. I often wonder what would have happened if I had that degree.

                      I think we operate on pheronomones (sp) where when they are present we fall in love and they are present for about 3 years, after that you have to build on what you've developed emotionally during those few years, or let go.

                      Unconditional love is so hard to come by. I truly know I have this for my children, who are now 29 and 32. I hate it when I hear mothers or fathers fall silent on their children because they got a tatoo or they were hanging out with the wrong person - hang tough, don't judge, always be open and loving.

                      This has worked for me, my kids are the ones I turn to and the ones who turn to me when we all need advice.

                      Thanks Hippie for this post.

                      :l
                      Enlightened by MWO

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                        #12
                        A lover in distress

                        Agape.................unconditional love....
                        "Be still and know that I am God"

                        Psalm 46:10

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                          #13
                          A lover in distress

                          Hi Hippie,
                          Although you did not write a lot, your post suggests a lot more. A complicated issue it is, for sure.
                          I think that where there is love, sex IS an expression of that love. However, if sex is the only way that love is expressed, the love is a bit shallow, don't you think? Of course, men often say, "if you love me you'll sleep with me" but we women know it's not real love then. More effective is to say "look I really need this" if it's just sex one is after. But now the kids are doing it all the time, so there's not even a ghost of love in the picture. Makes me worry about our kids in a few years. And true, parent love is a totally different kind of love - it makes the sick things inside of me heal, for their sake.
                          Back to you. Tell us more. Are you thinking you're in love? Do you love the person, or just want the sex? Can you talk with her? Can you play a bad game of tennis together and both enjoy it? Or just go out and throw around a frisbee? An old friend of mine said once that there are two things a couple should do before they get married - wallpaper a bathroom, and play monopoly.
                          Looking forward to hearing more,
                          Tulipe
                          Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.
                          AF since May 6, 2010

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                            #14
                            A lover in distress

                            Tulipe, I like your posts (didn't want to use the L-word)
                            I'll do whatever it takes
                            AF 21/08/2009

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                              #15
                              A lover in distress

                              Luscious? Lascivious? Lethargic? Liberating? or maybe Luxurious (in my dreams!)
                              Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.
                              AF since May 6, 2010

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