How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

[OverIt2007]

Hi friends. This subject was briefly brought up today on another thread, but it got some of us thinking. How do you stay fearful of alcohol and the destruction it brings?


Its very easy for me to be fearful today. I woke up with a horrible feeling, had to deal with panic attacks all day, waste of my day and my life. Today I am very afraid of alcohol and what it does with my life. In fact, not only do I fear alcohol today, I hate it with all my soul.

But, it seems that in time I "forget" or lose my fear of alcohol. With as short of a time as 2 or 3 days its almost like I have amnesia and forget the general misery and hell I put my brain and my body through. With all its destruction and evilness, it starts to look appealing again.

Wondering how you all get to that point, where you just say enough is enough, and where the fear takes hold and sticks. Newbies still struggling would love to hear some advice.

Oh, and I do journal. I have written alot about this in the past. Hasn't worked for me yet.


Overit

[Popeye]

How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

I'm not afraid of alcohol. I'm afraid of it's effects. It's like the old saying "Guns don't kill people. Poeple kill people". Alcohol, like guns is dangerous in the wrong hands. Some people use it responsibly and others don't, or can't.
It took me a long time to realise that it's not drink that's the problem, it's me. I abused it. I always will, or at least I've decided or arrived at the conclusion that if I did drink, I would end up abusing it again.
All it took was a tiny change in perspective for me to see this and realise that I can do without it. I'm not in competition with anyone. I don't have to prove to myself that I can drink responsibly because it's not important. I don't need it to survive. It doesn't make me happier or more at peace. It's a complete waste of my time and energy. I just don't want it. Social pressure doesn't exist anywhere but inside my head I'm happy to be thought of as slightly odd, because that doesn't matter either. Once the initial period of withdrawal is over, all that's left is a choice. Drink, or don't drink. No contest.

[akgirl]

How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

Great question, I will be curious to see the repsonses. It seems after a bit I forget....or just choose to ignore. AL can be so loud and convincing sometimes.

[Liath]

How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

I must choose to ignore it. I think I let the sneaky, addictive side of my personality take over. I have been trying to change my behavior since I joined in February.. yet I had another spectacular bender on Friday night! AF today, thank god.

[OverIt2007]

How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

Great insight Popeye, I think I need to read that a few more times. Your right, I should be fearful of how it affects my life. And I am. I know I have to change.

Always appreciated your advice and insight Popeye. I think your a pretty cool cat!

And I apoligize for sounding like a broken record going round and round. At least Im still in there trying.

[Popeye]

How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

You're too kind Overit: really. And don't apologise. It's getting the balance right and if we tinker with it long enough, we will.

[Zeta]

How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

This has been a focal point for me and my struggles with alcohol. I think of it like a woman going through a long, drawn out, highly painful labor only to all but forget the pain, the thoughts running through her mind, the misery...The moment the child is born.

Something shifts in our brains after the misery of withdrawal is over. Inexplicably, you end up truly believing it wasn't all that bad. For me, that usually means by the weekend, my amnesia is in full swing.

I don't want the DTs or something life threatening to snap me out of it. The panic attacks and anxiety are bad enough. I really, really, really hate this.

I've probably already shaved a decade of my life off at least just by the alcohol abuse I've put my body through in 25 years. Even though my liver tests show normal function, I use that as reason why it's still okay to drink..."See? Im fine!"

For me it's not the craving as much as the associative triggers. The conditioning. "Well, it's the weekend! I've worked hard all week and I deserve to have a good time and let loose." Master. Of. Justification.

After I gave up my drink of choice (Vodka...I cut out all hard liquor a year and 8 months ago...Well, for the most part), I abstained from all alcohol for nearly 4 months. I felt better, looked better, the mental clarity was profound! So I talked myself into ocassional wine on special occassions. Ha..That lasted about a month.

Now I'm back to my old patterns...Sneaking drinks, overdrinking to embarassing amounts, binging on the weekends. The anxiety/panic attacks, light/moderate withdrawls are back Monday through Thursday and 9-times-out-of-ten, If I'm feeling good again by the weekend, I'll drink. ("Hey! After all, it wasn't thaaaat bad?!")

So yes, staying fearful of the effects of alcohol on my life is at the front and center of my attention. For me, it's key to staying with some kind of plan that involves true moderation or entire abstinence.

I'm very pleased to have found this place.

[akgirl]

How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

What scares me the most is the damage I've done to my body and the thought of not being here for my son. How would it be for him to know his Mom died from alcohol. I can't bare the thought.
So I stay fearful by reading up on all the effects of AL on your body.

[lukalee]

How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

If I ever go on a bender again, I am going to make myself wake up extra early, take a naked picture of my sorry self, and tape it to the visor of my car, so any time I want to stop at the store for the poison I have the proof right there of what AL is doing to me.

[OverIt2007]

How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

Welcome Zeta! I COMPLETELY related to everything you posted. Alcohol is a sneaky bastard that likes to fool and trick you. I've been tricked with it for years now.

akgirl, your biggest fear is also my biggest fear. What would my son do without me? Im all he has. Its great motivation to win this battle.

My son learned this cute little song at school (hes 5). He goes around singing "Oh the Lord is good to me...He brings me what I need...ect, ect." Would my son ever sing that song again if Mom died due to alcohol? I have to remind myself these things constantly.

Here is to our successes!!!!

(I hear you Lukalee)

[Lavande]

How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

OverIt,

I can think of three things to mention here that help me to remember to stay away from AL:
1. I decided to quit drinking AFTER I had made a complete, total ass of myself in front of my family last Christmas. NO WAY will I ever do that again.
2. The CDs. I really believe they reinforce everything I need to remember.
3. My new grandson will never, ever see me drink!

We each need to examine our hearts & souls.............the answers are there!

[LilBit]

How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

lukalee;683539 wrote: If I ever go on a bender again, I am going to make myself wake up extra early, take a naked picture of my sorry self, and tape it to the visor of my car, so any time I want to stop at the store for the poison I have the proof right there of what AL is doing to me.

Lukalee, you're a hoot! :H Funny stuff.

And Sheri, wow, what an amazing story! I am SO happy for you. All your words echoed true with me, and I can see we've been down similar roads, just in different cars. The score is Us-2 AL-0, and I know we'll keep it that way.

[Zeta]

How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

Great story Sheri! May I ask what your "Aha!" moment was? The moment when you not only tried to quit but simply did?

[Liath]

How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

Sheri-

Thank you for sharing your story on this thread. I am in my early 30's and I know that if I don't do something now I will eventually lose everything, my health, my BF, my career. This is because I take incredible risks while drinking. I do things I would NEVER do in a million years while sober. I ingest this substance with frightening regularity in spite of the fact that I know damn well that it will kill me if I don't stop. I too have put off the time to deal with it....until now. Thats why we are all here and I pray that we will all be successful.

[HockeyMom]

How do you stay Fearful of alcohol?

Sheri, congrats on your success with AL. You are an amazing inspiration for us. Could you elaborate on how you refrained from drinking? You make it sound so easy, and it's not for most of us. Our brains are so convincing - telling us that we need it, deserve it, want it, etc. I can go for several days without drinking, and then when I get a night to myself at home, I drink 1-2 bottles of wine. Everytime I do this, I promise to never do it again. My health has not yet been affected by my drinking (significantly), as I've only been drinking heavily for 2-3 years. But I know if I continue on this path it will be.

AK Girl, I'm with you on wanting to get better for my son. My 6-year old is just starting to ask questions. Last night we were home alone together, and I was drinking chardonnay. He said he doesn't like how I am when I drink - it makes me crazy. WOW, what a wake-up call. He is so precious to me, I can't imagine him growing up in an alcoholic home, or worse, without a mother! That car crash in NY recently, where the drunk mom killed herself and her son, 3 nieces and 3 other people has me really freaked out!

HockeyMom