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[Crusinthrulife]

Well I'm still drinking wine daily; I haven't tried as hard as I should have. I've been having work issues, marital issues and most recently, I took care of a dear relative while she died of cancer in my home. While I was dealing with my relative, I slowed my drinking down to two glasses of wine nightly; just in case something happened in the night, but since she passed last week, I've been out of control drinking up to 4 glasses a night (basically a bottle). I went through hell while my relative was dying, between the jealousy of a family member and family fighting over things that didn't matter right now, I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown.

So here I am again; trying to make a decision about my drinking, can I stop drinking for 30 days? Last time I only made it four days and then off the wagon and back to drinking again. I might add that my marriage is in trouble; some due to my drinking and my ability to communicate with him in the evenings when I'm drinking, but also due to my husbands addictions and his attempts at recovery; not to mention he is a habitual liar. My drinking definately got worse after we were married and I found out all the lies he had told me and has continued to tell me for the last three years.

So I'm out of wine; I drank it all last night and for today I will not buy any and I'll try not to put myself in a situation where I'm in a restaurant and can order one. Just for today ... one day at a time.

[DeeBee]

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Welcome Back Crusinthrulife.
I sounds like you have had an aweful lot on your plate -- I'm very sorry about the death of your dear relative.
Sending you strength to get through today AF -- One day at a time:-)

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

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Hello Crusinthrulife, ODAT seems like a good plan right now. I wish you strength and offer my support. Losing a loved one is a very tough time in our lives. Keep close, there are people here who care.
Keep safe
KTAB

[ronnie]

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Welcome Crusinthrulife, I am so sorry about your loss of a loved one.
Just take it ODAT and hopefully things will be alot better for you soon
Keep posting & reading here, and keep busy plus try and change your routine a little so that you are not around AL
Looking forward to getting to know you more
Take care
Ronnie xx

[mooderator]

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Hiya,

You have obviously had a hell of a lot to cope with of late and lots still ongoing. You are being very brave and you have both my sympathy at the loss of someone who was dear to you and my encouragement to get through today without wine. Address tomorrow, tomorrow. Well done for getting back on the horse...


love and support being sent your way....Moo

[Crusinthrulife]

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Well I didn't make it on the 4th or the 5th; I ended up drinking both days. I found out my dear husband of two years lied to me again about some financial matters. Our whole marriage has been a lie, once I think it has stopped and I'm ready to move on and forgive, I find out something else. This wasn't just a little hiccup, we are talking over $20,000 in new debt that he had hidden from me. I am feeling saddened and alone; if you can't trust your partner, who can you trust? I'm so mentally exhausted from the death and now I'm dealing with another huge lie.

When one knows not what to do; we do nothing and I realize the drinking is only hurting me. I feel as though my life is just a nightmare roller coaster ride and I don't know how to get off.

[Beaches]

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Hi Crusin, so sorry you are having such a hard time right now. Lies and deceit are very hard to deal with. I guess I don't have any real advice, just to think of yourself and know that you want to get better. Thinking of you.

[louise]

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I'm so sorry you are having to deal with a disintegrating marriage on top of grief. I hope being here will help you get your drinking under control. Then you will have the strength to deal with things better. I don't have much advice but am sending you strenght.

[Crusinthrulife]

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Grief and Dying

I am still drinking; I lost control for the first time in three years last night; after three glasses of wine I told my husband off - not really a good thing to do when you are drinking. I guess the anger is building inside of me and it has no where to go ... I have sold my home of 26 years in Sept 08, my children have moved on and I moved an hour away from where they live and I changed jobs all in the last year, not to mention I cared for two dying friends. Selling my home and moving was part of the plan when I got married; my last child would finish school and then I would move to my husbands town, which is an hour away from my children.

Since we have moved, my husband betrayed me with lies, deceit and put us in a financial mess. I have always been financially responsible up until I met this person; I don't know why I even give him the time of day; he has made my life hell - a giant step backwards from where I use to be and my drinking has gotten worse and I have become a very negative person from where I use to be.

I'm emotionally distressed at this point and am having a hard time making simple decisions; I finally made an appt. with a therapist for next Tuesday, but I made such a mess of everything last night by verbally attacking my husband that I don't know if I need to move and if I do, where do I go? I no longer have a home of my own, my financial stability is ruined and I think for the first time in my life; I'm afraid to be alone. My last child moved out last September; he is 19. For the 10 years previous to this marriage, my kids were my life - I was not married and I took care of them and had them in my home and that made me content; now no kids, no home and an unstable job - this is terrible and I'm having a hard time moving on when I know that I should. I still love my husband and only feel sorry for him because he is a sick man; he is a habitual liar and his whole life has been a roller coaster ride - I need to get off this ride; I can't handle all this drama.

I pray that I will find a way to escape the madness and improve my life; it's hard to do when you are mentally distraught, drinking too much and you have no support - I have no friends here where we moved.

[brightlite]

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Cruisin,

Hugs to you! I have had a similar situation. Have always had my own home, raised my two kids with no support. It is hard to have such difficult responsibilities and keep your head above water and raise your children correctly. I thought the man that came into my life was a "prince charming" , little did I know all the lies. Please, please get your head on straight and try to deal with it in a logical, less emotional manner. Drinking will fuel your emotions to the point where you don't know if you are coming or going. If you need to PM me for support, please do.

[Gold]

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Cruisin,

Things sound really hard for you just now. Well done for booking the appointment with the therapist, you'll be able to talk to someone who is objective which will help you to see things more clearly.

Hold off making any decisions for now if you can, and try not to think too much about how your circumstances have changed for the worse. You are where you are and you will come out of this stronger.

It sounds as though you have always been strong for others, and now with your home situation and being strong when someone dear to you is dying it takes a huge toll.

You sound rather afraid of having spoken out against your husband and fear the consequences, does it really mean you would need to move out. Definitely the drinking will be making you more emotional and indecisive, we've all had that experience.

Try not to let your thoughts get the better of you, I know it's hard; day by day, hour by hour, even minute by minute if necessary. Think about how you would like your life to be, anything is possible and once you're feeling better you will see that. It feels like madness when your thoughts are running away with you, brain whizz a friend of mine calls it, anything non-alcoholic you can do to quiet your mind will pay dividends even if it's only for 10 minutes.

Nothing stays the same, things are changing for you and this is a terrible time for you, but you've taken positive steps, being here and arranging to see the therapist. You've successfully raised your children and you were of wonderful loving service to a dying relative remember these positive things.

My heart goes out to you and I wish you well.

[Crusinthrulife]

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Crazy Day

I started out my day packing; I was certain I had to leave. My husband got up and begged me to wait and try to work out things in my mind - he admitted he has been unfair to me and understands my feelings of betrayal, he says he is sick and has had too many years of his own substance abuse (two years ago he went into treatment for opiate addiction - I didn't know about his addiction until after we were marred; another secret he kept from me). We have been dealing with his rehabilitation with the treatment of "subozone" therapy, to me it seems like one addiction for another except now the doctors are the drug dealers. My husband is so addicted to the subozone that he is obsessing all the time about it and has even abused it and bought it off the street, then he has the nerve to tell me that if I stop drinking it will help our relationship. Well if he stopped lying and spending money like there is no tomorrow; maybe that would help our relationship and if he went into rehab and dried out, maybe that would help our relationship. At least I'm not the one out driving around late at night looking for subozone on the street (one night he left at 8:00 pm and drove hours from our home to get the prescription drugs and he didn't get home until midnight, so I'd say his problem is as bad as mine, if not worse).

I'm really going to try to stop drinking so I can think clearer and try to work with a therapist to see if there is any hope here or if I really need to move on. Thank you for your kind words and wisdom; I want to be able to relate to someone here that is in a similar situation; do we stay or do we go? Does anyone who is a habitual liar and an opiate addict ever get better or am I just wasting my time?