Why is this so hard...continued.

[Wally22]

Why is this so hard...continued.

Congratulations FT, you are doing so well.

[startingover]

Why is this so hard...continued.

Hiya FT, I saw you were back and that is certainly great to see.
I know for me, if I let my mind wander or my guard slip, then I will start with the stinking thinking thoughts. Coming here every day to read and soak up this environment helps keep me on track as does talking to my friends from here who are such a great support in this battle.
Reading your post and seeing how wonderful you feel AF is a definite boost for me. Keep up the good work FT this is a lifetime project

[Ringing Cedars]

Why is this so hard...continued.

Happy BIRTH day!! May it be the first of many.

[Mish]

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:welcome: back, FT. I have seen you about on the boards making encouraging comments and offering support and that's wonderful. I think the giving to others is as much a part of recovery as the reading and posting, so job well done.
I'm only a few months into MWO and until today didn't really know your history, so now that you have opened up I for one am delighted to make your acquaintance and look forward to getting to know you better and following your journey to one, two, ten years AF. As you may be following mine. I am currently on a cocktail of anti-Al drugs, including (my third day on) Baclofen which is knocking me around a bit, but it's no worse than a hangover. The biggest difference is I feel good about what I'm doing instead of disgusted and ashamed at what I've done. That's a pretty big difference, eh?
Anyway, thanks for your honest (and difficult to admit, I'll bet) return. Best wishes. :l

[Frequent Traveler]

Why is this so hard...continued.

Thanks Mish,

Yup it stinks to look one self in the mirror and realize that you have a problem and that you need to get your butt in gear and address those issues. This is a constant battle and we at no time can let our foot off the brakes, you will slip if you do it's a matter of when.

I have also decided to go nicotine free again, I had quit for over 8 years and started again this summer when I had the silly notion that I could "handle" things. Today is day 3 of no smoking again and I can feel the crap everyday now and its disgusting.

Looking to have a great day today and hope that everyone out there also has a great day.

FT

[Frequent Traveler]

Why is this so hard...continued.

Hi everyone,
Been having a difficult week and allowed myself to fall for the self pity that we all have experienced. I didn't go on a deep bender or anything like that but still no excuse, felt myself wallowing in self pity and after waking up the other morning with that nasty feeling that we don't like decided to do some internal searching and figure out what was the trigger this time. Well recently I have been dating a really nice lady that has her own issues and she smokes and drinks and then temptation grew and grew each day until I just had no control, not her fault but mine as I choose to be involved in the situation.
Well I decided that this was not the situation that was healthy for me and have decided to end this relationship and get back on the healthy track that I was on, as that course was much healthier for me and my son. So here we go again thinking positive and healthy, thanks for letting me get this off my chest and be honest with myself.
FT

[medic]

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In your original post you ask, why is this so hard?

It is hard because drinking is so much a part of us, part of our ritual, part of our coping mechanisms, part of our learned helplessness: in short, part of our identity!!

I guess what I'm trying to say is, make an attempt to re-learn your new identity as a non-drinker. Throughout our lives we shirk off other patterns of behaviour, without the same dramas, completely naturally and without rumination. We just don't acknowledge it in the same way as with AL.

[sapphire1]

Why is this so hard...continued.

Well said Medic

[Stargazerlily]

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FT,
I read this thread from the beginning and was struck by the progress you made AF, then the memories faded and slowly the old pattern took over. It has happened to me time and again, and I am just fed up with this pattern. I again quit smoking and feel so much better, started exercising, and during this holiday season I am determined to not place myself at risk. I need supportive people, and so do you, it would be hard to be in a relationship with some one not on the same page. I guess I am again realizing that being AF has to come first. It is worth it, I am sending you support and appreciate your taking the time to share your journey.

[Frequent Traveler]

Why is this so hard...continued.

Thanks all and appreciate the support,
Medic so true you hit a true nerve inside me and this is something that I am going to work on. Stargazerlilly your point is also something that I am putting at the top of my list.
Thank you all and another day of work in progress befolds.
Thanks again.
FT

[Frequent Traveler]

Why is this so hard...continued.

Well here we are a new year and new dreams, I have been thinking about the rocky road that I traveled on during 2010 and looking back on the success I had in 2009 wondering what was different. It boils down to determination and focus, so here I am determined to regain my focus of 2009 and make 2011 a great year. I am going to remain AF this year and focus on my continued health rebuild and well being.
Thank you all on this site for your wonderful support, it is appreciated.
FT

[brightlite]

Why is this so hard...continued.

FT,

Relationships are extremely hard when you are trying to fight the Beast. I know for me, I get to a point where I am feeling a little better and decide to try and date. I have figured out that anything that takes my focus away from "taking care of myself" is my downfall. Dating is hard in itself....alcohol is inevitably involved. Especially when the person you are dating also has an alcohol problem (and doesn't acknowledge it).

All that being said, my sobriety has to be Number One in my life. I can't make a relationship work when I'm broken. Hopefully....down the road, I will make better choices with regards to a relationship and I'm hoping to find one that does not revolve around alcohol.

Stay strong and stay on the healthy track....

[Frequent Traveler]

Why is this so hard...continued.

brightlite you are sooooo correct, (Relationship - dating) That was also a factor in 2010 that did contribute to the lack of focus. I have again moved my sobriety to the number 1 spot in my life as being focused on my health and well being, I think that actually they go hand in hand??
Thank you.
FT

[Frequent Traveler]

Why is this so hard...continued.

Another Chapter in relationships, now I have been accused of being selfish and self centered because I have chosen a path in life that suits me. Because I have chosen to put myself first and let the pieces fall where they may when it comes to relationships I am now being criticized, well to that I say tough.
I have tried to be open minded and understanding but the time has come to sever ties completely and move on, I have deleted these people from my social web site access and will continue to remain focused on my well being as being there for my child and taking care of myself is ultimately what matter.
There that feels good to say and sorry for being absent for a few days, just had to finally figure out what I had to do and do it.

Thank you all
FT

[fluff]

Why is this so hard...continued.

"Stay The Course"-as George Bush once said...
And if you aren't a fan of his- those are wise words and it sounds like you are adhering to " your course"-
You are being " selfish" for a good reason- you need to be true to yourself and your child- the friends you had that don't understand you now-well, if they were truly your friends, they would understand, right?
Wish you all the best-
Fluff