saying what you mean

[mario]

have been doing some thinking re my new life,as that is what it is,I think i have given some good advice here & there,but i find i sometimes that i dont practice what i preach.even though i want to and am aware of it,i say things to people that i shoudent say or maybe should say it with a more diplamatic approch,even with some of the posts i write what i want to say does not come out the right way,and the meaning/point gets lost,anybody any ideas how i can resolve this,thanks

[tiptronic_ct]

saying what you mean

Oi, Mario

I'm the king of sending out the wrong message!

It could be for a lot of reasons. Online, and with texting, I think miscommunication / misunderstanding happens very easily, because the majority of communication is non-verbal / written, i.e. things like body language & facial expressions.

One thing that might help, is a technique called "mirroring" - it is mostly used in negotiation and conflict resolution, but helps in general comms as well. In short, before you give your own opinion or ask follow-up questions, reflect what the other person has said in your own words, so that you establish a better common understanding before taking the next step in the conversation.

Another nice one is to think, think, think and only then speak. I'm very bad at that, but trying to improve. I will often just say the 1st thing that comes to mind, and sometimes people find that offensive (not Wavey, though - LOL).

Hope that might help a little bit!

[mario]

saying what you mean

thanks tip,i have to keep all that in mind think before you talk before you text i am glad i am not the only one:H

[42cat]

saying what you mean

Tip .... Perfect advice!

Mario .... I've been doing a ton of thinking lately too .. about how people see / hear me, etc. I totally understand what you're saying.

[Lavande]

saying what you mean

Mario,

We were taught the Mirroring technique as nursing students (dare I say) 38 years ago!!!!

Basically, I say relax, be yourself! We're all aduts here and I'll bet we all have pretty thick skin at this point. I for one do not offend easily

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

saying what you mean

Hi Mario, slightly off track is the subject of emails, I always check and re read before sending and never send one when angry or on the spur of the moment as once sent they cant be retracted. The same can be applied to text messages, and posts I suppose.
I think when it comes to one on one conversations, somebody once told me 'we have two ears and one mouth for a reason', so listen properly to what the person is saying before replying. I think a lot of the time people are so busy trying to get their point accross they dont listen to what the other person has said first. I am no different but I do try.

[startingover]

saying what you mean

This is fascinating, its something I am working hard to improve within myself too.
I, like KT, read and re read stuff before hitting send and hope that I am not misunderstood.
I like the idea of mirroring, I had never heard of that. I will start doing it now.
Great thread!

[Cinders]

saying what you mean

Mario,

I know exactly what you mean.

Mirroring is a tool I use at work, Tip, but unfortunately when I try it with my hubby he gets irritated. Of course, I have selective deafness with him, too. :H

One thing I have found works well for me here, is that if you don't have something positive to say, don't say it. Sometimes my fingers just itch to type a response to someone that has posted something that has upset me or irritates me but I just close the thread and "walk away."

I learned that after making several mistakes here. Once where I actually upset a long term member enough that she left MWO. It still has me feeling badly.

Cindi

[Guitarista]

saying what you mean

Hi Mario.
I put my foot in it a bit. My communication could do with some work. Especially in face to face convo's, I can often just blurt out an idea, or opinion, not rudely, but just not respect the basics of diction, for one thing. For me, speaking more clearly, and slowly, plus, organising my often jumbled thoughts to come out coherently, and able to be understood, is my current challenge. It's always a challenge here too, without the face to face expression's, body language, etc.

And Cindi. You would not have been the only reason someone left this site. Stop putting yourself on a pedestal!............;-)

[Cinders]

saying what you mean

G,

You are right. I am sure there was other things going on with her, but she did post that it was my post that made her realize she didn't belong here anymore.

I miss her, too. She was a very upbeat person around here.

But, once again, I have to admit you are right. If she still felt like she needed MWO, I am sure she would have just put me on ignore and kept going.

Cindi

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

saying what you mean

I agree Cinders, you help a lot of poeple around here and I for one thank you for that. We cant be responsible if people decide to leave, they could do that for any one of a hundred reasons.

[byebyebridgetjones]

saying what you mean

Can't help 'ya Mario...
I only open my mouth to change feet....
Bridget.

[IAD]

saying what you mean

Mario.....it's ok to give advice when you know it's the right thing to do. I know sometimes we might have trouble doing it ourselves....but it does'nt make the advice that you have given less true...........The Aposle Paul ....lamented in this verse: "Oh reachit creature that I am, I know the things I should do yet I do them not. I know the things that I should'nt do yet I do them anyway".....IAD

[mario]

saying what you mean

thanks for all your replies to this as it was bothering me, Its a great feeling to know you can have help here when one wants to look for it. :thanks:....p This message has been checked twice

[startingover]

saying what you mean

Nup, not offensive in the slightest Mario :H