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[donewithit]

first I want to thank all of you who supported me in the intro thread..and all the very nice and inspiring PM's I got from you..

BUT. Jezzzzzusss. I am TRYING my best. we had a blow out the other night..it was awful. He yelled at me ...he even said Feck off at one point. I left the house and walked to a friends. He was very worried the next morning when he saw my car in the driveway and he started texting me by just after 6 am. so I came home after work last night...NOTHING was said. NOTHING. he had texted me saying he wished it hadn't happened..but NO conversation or talking it thru.. I am GLAD he yelled at me. I think he needed to so he could start healing..

He again slept in our bed last night, but was so exhausted he fell asleep early, again he did not even hug me or kiss me goodnite. It has been 8 days since I felt his touch. This is killing me.

On the upside I have an appt with a councellor tomorrow night again...and I am drinking perrier water in a wine glass right now. No wine for almost 4 weeks...wow.

Lynn

[universal]

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Hi Lynn,

I am sorry that you are having a hard time right now. I am not sure what the fight was about but I can tell you that it is important to communicate your concerns and feelings regarding it to your significant other or it will fester within you both. Do you normally have good communication with each other? Would your partner be willing to go to counselling with you?

Good luck, I hope things work out.

[Cinders]

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Done,

My hubby throws my past drunken exploits in my face frequently. He is angry. I understand.

I do let him know I did not choose to be an alcoholic and that I have finally chosen an abstinent life. That is all I can do. If he cannot forgive me, that is his problem. Not mine.

Cindi

[Sunbeam]

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Lynn,
My husband also said little about my drinking. Some guys aren't much for talking, they just let it build up. But what can they say when we drink too much? They can't control us, they just want us to fix our problem, don't know just what we need to do other than drink normally, which we can't do. Then it blows up because too much has built up. I think that is where you are.

Good for you in nearly four weeks AF! You can beat this! The counselor will help you sort through, it will take time. Hang in there, take care of yourself: eat well, work in some exercise, find some type of meditation. I meditate/reflect while gardening or riding my bike or swimming laps. Gradually your path will emerge.

[Wally22]

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hey donewithit 4 weeks is fabulous! :goodjob:
The problem didn't happen overnight, and it won't be fixed overnight.
Give it time. Go to the counsellor, give your husband some space, he'l come around.
Sounds like he's hurting and confused and upset, just like you.

[donewithit]

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thanks everyone. Just to clarify, my husband is not bringing up the drinking in my face. In fact he is saying very little. I guess wally you are right, the problem didn't happen overnight, and it won't be fixed overnight.
We have had an okay night. We watched a tv show together and then went to bed. We were watching tv in bed (he still is) and I felt the tears coming. So rather than get into it again with him, I came downstairs to fix a cup of tea.

I will go to the counsellor tomorrow and hopefully come home with a new outlook or maybe a little more hope. I just am so afraid that this lack of ANY affection from him, will start to harden me ( I go into self preservation mode sometimes) I know he is angry and he has every right to be, but I don't want to get to the point where I shut down my feelings for him.....after all, if I give up, why would HE try to fix things? He is not the drunk thieving liar that I am.

[Zeppie2]

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Hi donewithit - my excessive drinking ruined my relationship of over 5 years - two years on we are now good friends again but live in different towns. My partner never confronted me regarding my drinking, he just spent less and less time around the house. I became stressed that our relationship was in ruins so I drank more and more. Not a good plan

Congrats on 4 weeks AF that is huge - I am sure he appreciates your attempts to change and he will warm up to you again. Sometimes it just takes time.

[donewithit]

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zeppie the thing is, he has never been angry at me about the drinking. He understands that I have an issue with alcohol (esp wine) and he would have been happy to help me get thru this....it is the lies and deceptions that I have committed that have him so very angry. He is not angry at me for being an alcoholic, but he seems to think that the lying, financial infidelity ect is a seperate issue. While it is, to a degree, I know without alcohol, I would have never stooped to such lows.

He is warming up a bit, I mean a week ago he just wanted me out....he slept in the other room, now he is back in our bed (albeit torture on me because he is not even touching me) and he is calling me on his way home from work each day, also texting and asking how my day is going. That is a big improvement over 9 days ago.

I am very nervous about the councelling appt tonight, and sooooooooo tempted to have a glass of wine to numb the fear. But I won't.

Lynn

[Theme2be]

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I thank you kindly for your honest posts, revelations and unselfish invitation to those of us that need assurance at the realities that exist as this beast occupies our personalites through the behaviors that are not who we are, truly, meant to be.

I know the pain of the "family" rejecting in their own pain and confusion.
How can they understand ?
One can only attempt to educate them. I attempted with my "family", especially with the baclofen now a possible miracle and found the articles I printed out tossed to the side.
I share this because I am seeing actions on your partners part that are loving, nevertheless. I am sure they experience their own battle and their actions are often out of the emotions that may be numbing in their own place. Your partners seems to stay close making enough contact to keep at bay the sadness this creates.

I understand the anger at the alcoholism. If it were cancer, another disorder, their is most likely anger at the suffering.
But, why with alcoholism is their anger at the one that suffers.
If one with cancer, another disease, their would be symptoms it creates, maybe boils or vomiting and other vile appearances.
The lying and deception is a symptom. Sorry, I have done things that still stop me in my tracts. It is a crazed reality and I have struggled with forgiving myself. That seems to be experience when I am being rejected and unforgiving from the inside out. It hurts.
It is like adding coals to the fire, because you, the one in this misery has a time of it.

It a beautiful and brave thing that you have a movement on your part to reach out through counseling.

This is a force to recon with and it needs at any costs to be fed and it will take from our beauty and identity and distort you beyond recongnition, if it is given its required dose of what liquidates all aspects of your life given inheritance.

Possibly expose your partner to other stories that may open up their horizon to this disorder that causes what is normally a orderly life into the horrors of disaray and messes that cause our soul to cry from its depths.

I honor with such adoration your having the time away from putting the poison in your cells.
You encourange in the light of your battle with darkness.

With pure appreciation to you~

[sosad61]

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donewithit;691144 wrote: zeppie the thing is, he has never been angry at me about the drinking. He understands that I have an issue with alcohol (esp wine) and he would have been happy to help me get thru this....it is the lies and deceptions that I have committed that have him so very angry. He is not angry at me for being an alcoholic, but he seems to think that the lying, financial infidelity ect is a seperate issue. While it is, to a degree, I know without alcohol, I would have never stooped to such lows.

He is warming up a bit, I mean a week ago he just wanted me out....he slept in the other room, now he is back in our bed (albeit torture on me because he is not even touching me) and he is calling me on his way home from work each day, also texting and asking how my day is going. That is a big improvement over 9 days ago.

I am very nervous about the councelling appt tonight, and sooooooooo tempted to have a glass of wine to numb the fear. But I won't.

Lynn

Sounds like your relationship is healing. It's headed in a positive direction instead of a negative one. Do you think you could convince him to go to counseling with you?

[donewithit]

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sosad,,, he has agreed to go to marriage councelling but we are doing individual for a week or two first. Yesterday he said he still needs to work alittle on his own feelings before we go into a councellor together. But he has said he will do it. So that is something.

I hope you are right and it is headed in a positive direction. I hope that come Sept 1st he does not expect me to leave like we had discussed.

[Wally22]

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Still lots of time before then, especially if he is back in the bed.

[donewithit]

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well I am home and I have to say I am emotionally wiped out.

[Wally22]

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Yeah counselling is really draining, it's hard work